My husband has not tried it on at all in this time. Don't get me wrong, it was the last thing on my mind for about the first 2 months! I'm back on the pill now this last month and i'm beginning to think what's the point? Sex was pretty scarce during the pregnancy too (his choice) and i'm starting to think he's gone off me or is getting it elsewhere. Has anyone been in similar situation or got any advice!?
2007-10-13 09:40:49 · 37 answers · asked by trixi 5 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Other - Pregnancy & Parenting
hi honey. I dont think your husband has went off you at all. Men can feel different towards sex with a pregnant women and even more so afterwards. I know mines was funny about it as he didnt want to hurt me and because he saw our daughter coming out which did kinda put him off, and he was too wrapped up in going to be a dad. Our daughter is 8mths now and sex life is well on track. Also i had an episiotomy and my stitches burst which also made things feel difficult. Honestly thing will improve but right now i think your little baby is what you both are thinking about. Its common to think he may be looking else where as no one feels at their best after child birth. I still dont. you take care. xx
2007-10-13 10:05:49 · answer #1 · answered by falkirkmum 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well since you've fully recovered from the birth and have reliable birth control, it's time to have some fun again!
Do you have any SERIOUS suspicions that he's having an affair? My gut feeling is that everything is OK - unless you've really got a reason to worry that you haven't mentioned.
Having raised 2 kids, I can tell you that you will have MORE privacy during the infant months than you do in the toddler, pre-school and early elementary school years, so make the most of it now.
If he watched you give birth and he's squeamish, this may have freaked him out slightly (some men are like that) - and you may need to get that image out of his mind. But unless he's really neurotic, this shouldn't be too hard.
He may be waiting for you to make the first move as a sign of respect for you as the mother of his child. (Some men put mothers on pedestals like this. Sweet - but not helpful if you need to get laid!)
Have you tried to seduce him? Are you making an effort to look good? Does your home look like a baby nursery in every room? Are you wearing things that look good and working to get your pre-baby body back? If not, it's time to spice things up!
Can you possibly let a trusted family member keep the baby overnight? If so, make arrangements to do that, get a nice meal on the table (even if it's take out) buy a naughty nightie, light the candles, pour the wine, turn on the soft music, look good, smell good, and greet him VERY enthusiastically when he comes home from work. (If you're back to work already, take a day off to prepare - it's that important!)
At the end of the night, in his arms, you can tell him how much you've missed this side of your marriage - (you almost can't overdo it). Tell him you've been fantasizing about him sexually - get graphic - talk dirty if you are the type who can do this in a way that's sexy - and he's the type who likes it - and tell him that you couldn't wait another minute to start living fantasies with him because being near him every day without sex was driving you out of your mind.
Unless he's completely detached and going through something weird, he'll LOVE this - and you'll be back better and stronger than before!
Enjoy!
2007-10-13 10:04:37 · answer #2 · answered by ceezee 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Im in the opposite boat, my hubby has become a rampant rabbit since a couple of weeks after giving birth. He still is 11 months later but i've lost my drive almost completely. Its such hard work looking after a baby all day & cleaning i just don't have the energy & as she's got older its got harder so im even more tired.Im only 24yrs old, was an at least once a day kind of girl before baby came along so i feel depressed about it.Its not to do with him though, i just find it all overwhelming & maybe your man does too.He probably thinks your too tired & has maybe lost his bottle to make the first move.Make some signals that you want him, try it on if you like & see what he does, he may feel releived that you've made the first move.
2007-10-14 07:47:34 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
It could be nothing more serious than that you are both just so focused on the baby now that sex is further down the list of needs/priorities. Can you talk to him about it & try to figure out what he is feeling?
I hate to alarm you, but that's when I noticed that the relationship between me and my now ex began to change. I think he has a Madonna-Whore complex (not the singer, the Virgin Mary) and could never picture me the same after I had been pregnant and given birth. Not sure how common that is, just telling you from my experience. The marriage lasted about 11 years and 1 more kid later, but things continued downhill all during that time and he cheated and left and now I suspect he was probably cheating all along.
What is his relationship with his mom like? And what is the relationship between his mom & dad like? You may get some clues there as to the family dynamics that will help you understand his mindset. Does he seem at all jealous of your closeness to the baby, or of all the attention you and/or baby have gotten during pregnancy and now? Did/do you baby your husband, and if so, does he seem to see the baby as interfering with your meeting his needs and making time for him? If you breastfeed, does that seem to creep him out or make him uncomfortable? Was he present and helpful during the delivery or was he weird about seeing the childbirth, too?
en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Madonna-whore_complex
I'm sorry I don't have any advice, but just knowing what is going on may help you determine what you need to do to try and improve the relationship. There are probably support groups for such as this on the web--there are groups for everything these days!
2007-10-13 09:54:35 · answer #4 · answered by arklatexrat 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think you need to talk about this. You need to know what his reasons are.
Is he afraid he'll hurt you?
Has he just suppressed his urges for so long...thinking he might hurt you or the baby during the pregnancy...that he just hasn't been able to get OUT of that suppression mode? Sometimes, even if the doctors tell a guy that it's okay...they're still afraid to do it while the woman is pregnant.
Has his image of you changed, now that you're a mother? Some guys see you as a sexual being prior to pregnancy, and afterward they see you as 'someone's mommy' and can't separate the two images.
Maybe he feels like the baby needs you and he's kind of being put on the back burner, or that he doesn't want to come between you and the baby right now.
Have you approached him sexually? He may be waiting for you to make the first move.
Once you figure out his reasons....then you can figure out how to proceed. Good luck, and congrats on the baby!
2007-10-13 09:49:04 · answer #5 · answered by Lisa E 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
God you are lucky you are even thinking about it, I was still physically recovering at that time and couldn't have even if I had wanted to. I wasn't allowed to have sex during either of my pregnancies for medical reasons so that was hard too. I think you are worrying about it too much, it will happen when it feels right, we are back to normal now but these things take time and depend on the individual. There is no set timescale for this, it can be a month, it can be a year or even more. Enjoy this time with your baby as a couple and forget about sex for now, when the pressure is off you will probably feel more like doing it. You need to get your man and have a good heart to heart.
2007-10-13 09:48:56 · answer #6 · answered by kdee 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I wish my wife would feel the same way you do. She wants to have sex but is so afraid of getting pregnant again. She's on the pill and we use condoms for that extra protection. I can count on one hand how many times we've had sex since the baby was born over a year ago. She's taken more home pregnancy tests than how many times we've had sex. I would have to say, just jump him. Make sure he's got enough energy, put baby to sleep, set the mood with some candles, red wine, and you wearing something sexy. And if need be put something sexually stimulating on the TV or radio. If that fails, just jump him.
2007-10-13 09:56:15 · answer #7 · answered by Christopher W 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Listen honey, maybe you're a little scared of what he will think after intercoarse. Here's a lesson I learned...Kegal exercises. Look it up. When you feel sexy enough to put on something sexy for him to get him in the mood. I'm sure you know what turns you husband on. If you can't remember think hard about it. In the mean time do kegal exercises so you and the husband can enjoy intercoarse. You know you only have a limited amount of time to do it before the baby starts crying or something. So just plan it out. When you have your child on a schedule (as far as feeding and changing diapers) and you know what time he's coming home from work or whatever and I'll let you plan from there. -try it
2007-10-13 10:16:25 · answer #8 · answered by Cocoa 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You know, I think it is normal, that you should talk to him about it, I am sure if you ask him questions about it he will be ok. You are the mother of his child, be open about it. Maybe he is thinking you are not ready for it yet, if that is the situation then you have a real good man with you.
Here are some questions you can ask yourself; Does he come home and go to shower immediately? Is he defensive lately? Does he bother if you answer or look through his phone... and concentrate and think about him and your relationship and you will get the answer.
But don't be paranoyed, plllllllz. He maybe just respecting that you just had a baby and are tired or physicaly not able and like I said that is beautiful of him.
Talk to him about it.
2007-10-13 09:48:43 · answer #9 · answered by ♂♥♀ & ♀♥♂ ∞! Love Oh Love ! ♫♥♪ 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
He might be worried about whether you are physically ready to be intimate again. I don't know if this is your first child together, or if this is his first experience with fatherhood, but he just may not know that you're ready to go ;) Are you letting him know that you are interested or are you waiting for him to make the first move? I would tell him how you're feeling. If he still seems disinterested just ask him why. It might be that he's just tired from the stress of a new baby. If he's cold or distant however, I would start to seriously consider that he's having an affair or that he not interested for other reasons.
Good luck!
2007-10-13 09:49:49 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋