Can parents actually tell their daughters to stop loving their boyfriend?

Question

I should say he is more of a secret boyfriend, because we love each other but my parents won’t let me love him. He's so wonderful. It's hard to put it into words, but he is the man of my dreams. We first started out hating (yes hating) each other because of a misunderstanding and then I finally confronted him about it when we were alone together. He had hurt himself playing soccer and was in a lot of pain when I spoke to him, so I stayed and took care of him while we talked...surprisingly, we forgave each other and found that their was a definite attraction. We have been together for 2 months and have written to each other for 4 months (he's in boot camp for the navy). I love him!!! I really do! And he loves me too! I think about him every single day, even though I try not to it still happens!

The problem is, my parents don't want me to be with him. My father does not want me to love him and wishes that I never looked after him when he was hurt. My mother just wants us to be like friends, but more like acquaintances. My dad won’t even let me hug him. AND I am 18 years old. Can parents actually tell their kids not to love someone? Someday, I hope to marry this guy, he’s a wonderful man (he’s also 18). He’s going to be fighting for my freedom, he wants to take care of me and to always be there for me in one form or another. He’s not that “slick tongued” sort of person. He tells me I’m beautiful because he doesn’t believe that ladies should be called hott or sexy unless they are in an intimate relationship. This guy is my everything. I love him, but why do my parents want to stop me from loving him? Why are they acting like this? He didn’t do anything wrong, I swear! I’m so frustrated! Please help!

Answer 1

Your parents cannot stop you from loving anyone. They might make rules for you, which you have to follow while you are underage, but they cannot control your emotions and feelings.

You have the freedom to love anyone you want.

Answer 2

Why?

Because you are too young to get married; because you hardly know him (it takes a long time to really know someone).

That's why.

Of course they can tell you anything they want; but your feelings are your feelings.

If you will love each other for the rest of your lives, then your parents opposition can't stop that.

Most people who think that at 18 end up regretting it (if they marry). So, you don't have to be in a big hurry. It won't harm you to get to know each other before doing anything rash.

(Frankly, you sound very immature to me; are you really 18?)

Just because your meeting sounds like something from a movie doesn't mean you'll live the Happily Ever After of a fairy tale. Life isn't like that.

I'm guessing your parents have been over-protective of you; your wanting to hook up with the first guy you fall for is common enough in that case, but unwise.

If your love is really forever it can wait a while.

You should be out on for own for a while before settling down.

Answer 3

For being 18 you sound like you're 13. First off you are 18, meaning of legal age and you can marry and do whatever (within reasonable limits) without the consent of your parents. Second if you are serious about this guy get an education so that you can have a stable foundation for a future life together. Third move out of parents home and live on your own. This includes paying rent, buying groceries etc., without borrowing money from your parents. Look if you want to be an adult then act like one. I don't mean to sound harsh but that's the reality of it. Good luck and hopefully everything will work out.

Answer 4

I'm a parent too and I know what a hard job it is at times... and believe me parents make mistakes we are not perfect. But I do believe that they most likely have your welfare at stake and don't want you to rush into any relationship problem at such a young age. I don't think it has anything to do with the young man if he is as you say.. a wonderful man...it's just your both so young with so much to accomplish and experience in life.
So don't be so hard on them. They most likely mean well... in time if your young man is as responsible and respectful as he should be with you, they will let him into the family circle... it takes time. Firstly, he needs to focus and finish his naval training and achieve what he has set out to do. You too need to focus on your own goals and show your parents how mature you are so they don't need to worry about you.
Your parents can't control who you love... but they can help you to stay on the right path toward adulthood.
I wish there were more parents around with such backbone these days.
Patience...keep up with your correspondence, encourage each other, and stay focused.

Good luck.

Answer 5

Parents can tell their children anything they like. You are 18 but that is still very young and your parents are worried that you are too young to make a committment to one you ng man. I think you need to listen to them and slow it down. He is in the service and that is going to put a lot of strain on your relationship. This too concerns your parents. Just take your time and wait it out If this is the real thing and the two of you were meant to be together, relax because you will and if not you will be ever so thankful to your parents.

Answer 6

Well you are still quite young, but you ARE 18. That makes you a young adult, so your parents no longer have the LEGAL right to tell you who you can love, & who you can't.

Actually, I don't know how they could EVER hope to have any control over who you choose for your life partner. That is, & always should be, your responsibility, and yours alone.
In these matters, when dealing with a daughter your age, the best your parents can hope to do is to take an advisory position with you. Rather than a position of "Do as we say".

From my perspective anyone who sets out to join the military runs pretty high on my scale of respect. Plus if all he ever does is treat you like a queen, & do his utmost to be supportive of you, and nurtures your sense of well being then what more could he do to be in your parents favour?

The down side of all of this for you is, HE'S IN THE MILITARY!

I know that sounds contradictory of me, but even though I think he must be of sound character to be in the military. I see some long lonely days, turning into lonely weeks, turning into lonely months in your future for as long as you remain with a boyfriend who has chosen a military carreer.

Earlier this week, I answered a question from a young wife who is pregnant, at home alone trying to figure out how to make ends meet because her husband just got deployed to Iraq for two years, & most of his pay is going into paying down some debt that they have.
Maybe this is the type of thing that concerns your parents.

So the short answer is NO, your parents can't tell you to stop loving your boyfriend. But you would be well advised to try to communicate with them, & try to understand why they don't want you to fall in love with him.
I am not saying you have to agree with them, because your future now is entirely up to you. But it might help if you understood why they object to him so much.

Good Luck!

Answer 7

If you're 18, all you have to do in order to be able to do whatever you want to do is to move out of your parent's home. Then they have absolutely no way to try to control you.

However, if your boyfriend is in boot camp for the Navy, he's not around right now. I wouldn't force the issue with your parents until you have to. Work and save your money for when you'll need to support yourself financially.
Good luck.

Answer 8

Your parents cannot tell you who to love. You are an adult. If you want to be with him go for it. You need to make yourself happy and only you know what will do that. My parents had all sort of bad things to say about the man I married. Who do you think that they call when they want or need something? They do not have to live your life you do. Be your own person and stand up for yourself. I hope that he turns out to be as great as you think that he is. Good luck to you girl.

Answer 9

The funniest thing is they can't stop you from loving anybody, they are just being protective, if you had plans to go to college or something maybe they are afraid you won't go and blow off your future, all parents act this way at one time or another, they will get over it once they see you aren't going to give him up, he needs to prove himself to your parents before they can trust him, so when he comes home to visit, just have him be respectable and stop by in his dress uniform, or which ever they have to wear, and I am sure that will impress your parents. Just understand they are thinking of you even though it seems harsh, but don't ruin it by fighting against them, just have him stop by and let them come to their own conclusions, men always look so nice and handsome when they come out of bootcamp, I know your mom will be impressed. Good luck

Answer 10

Your parents need to let go, you're no longer a minor.

BUT!!!!

Parents do know best, and they must see something in him that is not good for you. You are too young anyway to be considering marriage. You can't possible love someone in 2 months. You like him alot. The simple fact that you wrote this tells me you're very immature.

Listen to your'e parents