Here is my problem i have a 19 year old stepdaughter that moved in with us two months ago. Heres the problem she works a part time job. I am trying to be a decent step mom i allow her to go out and have fun as long as her chores are done and she works. I talk to her about how important it is to go back to school and get a education.
Well yesterday she left early she didnt go to work again and she didnt come home or call at all. She's not from around here so i spent all morning trying to find out if she was ok . Her dad was a nervous wreck , She met some guy and stayed at his house all night.
Shes going to be twenty soon, i have little ones and this is not how i want my kids raised. Her mom is fed up with her too.
I think she might be on drugs or something. Please advise....
2007-10-13 07:23:03 · 7 answers · asked by Notsogreatlife31 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
Thank you all for your answers, I feel bad making her leave but i feel she has to learn to grow up and be resposible for herself. At a part time job she's always calling off work. She cant keep a job and i dont know what else to do with her. Honestly im tired of worring about her and all the stress in the house.
2007-10-13 07:56:23 · update #1
Uh, she's an adult.
You're treating her as a small child.
She has the right to come and go and doesn't need to check with you. It isn't your job to track her down when she doesn't come home.
Lecturing her is counter-productive. (Frankly, I think the over-protectiveness is also counter-productive.)
Raising your own, younger, children is a separate issue from how to treat this adult child who's living with you.
If you and her father don't want her living with you anymore, then give her a deadline to find her own place.
But your authority over her is NOT what you have over your minor children. She doesn't need your permission to go out ("I allow her to go out and have fun....").
If you and her father find her comings and goings nerve-wracking, then maybe she should start looking for a place to live.
Yes, it would be best for her to get a college education, but it's her life, not yours. It's her decision. Unlike your minor children, you can't force her to go to school.
2007-10-13 10:46:57 · answer #1 · answered by tehabwa 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The 19 year old is fully and legally responsible for herself.
If she will not comply with the rules of your household (school, chores and job), she cannot stay in your house. You don't want her disrupting the balance with the other kids in the household.
You are the mommy in that household, and thus the ultimate authority. You don't want this 19 year old plundering the house for stuff to sell to support her drug habit. You don't want her tracking in her party buddies or talking about where your valuables are hidden while under the influence.
If she is on drugs, you will not be able to get her off them unless she realizes she has a problem... only then will any kind of drug treatment program work.
One other little thing... you need a deadbolt lock on your bedroom door, and ideally you should pick one closet to deadbolt and fortify to make it a safe, and store anything in there you don't want disappearing... jewelry, money, guns, your chocolate stash. This has been my parents' policy in every house they have owned, and it works very well.
2007-10-13 14:46:29 · answer #2 · answered by revsuzanne 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
There are a few things here...
She is technically an adult and doesn't need to phone to state her whereabouts and should be able to stay with whoever she wants when she wants...
If you do think there is a drugproblem, get her dad to step in, really, no offence, but I had a stepmother and I certainly did NOT want to take any orders from her,and you do not pose as an authority figure just because you're affiliated with her dad...She should respect you yes, just as she should any other human being, but you shouldn't have to 'allow' her to do anything, again, she is her own person,and certainly NOT your child..
I honestly think her dad needs to let go a bit, but try and help her get a hold of her life a bit more fist, and try and find out is she is actually on drugs before acting on it...
2007-10-13 23:06:55 · answer #3 · answered by Ladytron 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Dad needs to put his foot down. As long as she lives under your roof she must follow the rules. If she doesnt like it get out! She is a young adult now and there are consiquences for her actions and being of age she can now vote and go to jail. I dont beleave you are asking to much from her. You need to worry about the younger children they are little recorders they see everything and learn from it. Stay consistant and dont let her get away with that under your roof.Best of Luck.
2007-10-13 14:48:04 · answer #4 · answered by myangelsfuture 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm a StepMom of 3. And you are in a tough situation. Honestly, if you and your hubby are on the same track together, the probable outcome is to tell her to leave. We were in the same boat, with the youngest girl. If your marriage is very strong and melded as one, both of you stick to your guns, united, and set her down and tell her that that is what you will do if she doesn't follow the rules of the house. Both of you have to be on the same page and don't waver or it fails....and you will be the bad guy forever......Been there done that......
2007-10-13 14:44:52 · answer #5 · answered by Toffy 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋
You owe your younger kids a decent living situation, and this isn't it. She is no longer a minor, and needs to abide by the rules, or get out.
2007-10-13 18:59:10 · answer #6 · answered by jonesk_92656 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
she will never respect you by you giving her control she is in your house now and she needs to respect that even though you are not her real mom she needs to respect the fact that this is who her dad is married to now and she has to obide by your and his rules if not send her back to her mother and let them handle her
2007-10-13 14:45:35 · answer #7 · answered by Fallon B 1 · 1⤊ 1⤋