Your partner wants to break up with you but is afraid to do so in person or by telephone. Is it okay for him/her to send an e-mail saying s/he is breaking up with you, and will never see you again, but doesn't say what the circumstances or reasons are for the breakup thus leaving you without a clue and with the definite impression that you will never be allowed to know why he/she left?
Explain your answer.
2007-10-13 06:29:55 · 19 answers · asked by Softtouchmale 7 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
PS. I am a man. And yes, it was very sincere, loving and most of all there was never any violence. It lasted 4 and 1/2 years.
2007-10-13 06:50:32 · update #1
no- if you are too chicken to tell the person yourself- in person- you were Not as comitted as the other person was
2007-10-13 06:33:18 · answer #1 · answered by bronzebabekentucky 7 · 10⤊ 0⤋
I've been there. So I can say, without a doubt, that that is a cruel and heartless thing to do.
Closure is a very valuable thing in terms of memories and your past. There are a number of traumatic events that I've suffered that have had no closure, and never will have.
Breaking up with someone without ever a spoken word is many things. It's cruel and heartless, as I've already mentioned. It's also cowardly. If you're going to dash someone's feelings and emotions on the rocks, you'd better have the courage to explain why. If you can't explain why, then I guess that means that there's not a very good reason, now is there?
The girl that did that to me was someone I'd been dating for some time. I had to leave to go and see family. I got an email from her randomly about two weeks after I'd left, and the email said this, in its entirety:
"It's been fun, but I'm breaking up with you. Bye."
That was five years ago. Do I dwell on it now? Absolutely not. I'm currently married to a fantastic woman that I've known for just as long, and I wouldn't trade what I have with her for the world. But when it happened to me, it hurt more than I thought I could be hurt, and it stuck with me for a long time.
After having something like that happen to you, it taints the idea of future relationships with other people, for one important reason: After knowing how much that hurts, why should you take the chance that someone else will do it to you again? There's a great sense of fear and even paranoia that goes along with it, and can even inhibit your ability to form another relationship. If this has happened to you, take solace in the fact that it's better to be rid of someone who respects you that little. Now, you're open to find someone else, try again, and find that one special, awesome someone that makes you happy. I hope my answer helped!
2007-10-13 06:43:19 · answer #2 · answered by r3dsh1ft 1 · 9⤊ 0⤋
No! Obviously, the relationship wasn't as deep loving, emotional and physically committed as you thought if your partner would consider ending the relationship by any other means than in person, privately. Unless, of course, all this is a figment of your imagination, you went out the person once or twice and have gone all stalker and developed the "long term, deeply loving, etc...part in your mind, where it's the only place it exists. Then yes, an email, and a restraining order, is appropriate. Good luck!
PS...as a rule of thumb, when faced with difficult situations, a person should always imagine him/herself in the position and how YOU would want to be treated. Chances are if it would hurt you it'll hurt someone else, too. If you would feel disrespected, chances are so would he/she.
2007-10-13 06:42:27 · answer #3 · answered by N0_white_flag 5 · 7⤊ 1⤋
It is not okay, and definitely not the nicest or most courteous way of ending a relationship of any sort, especially a long term, loving, committed one.
Whenever a break up happens I think both parties need to know why, as it is hard to move on not knowing. Also it would be helpful to have pointers for future relationships.
The only exceptions I guess are if one party has behaved badly, ie cheated or been violent.
2007-10-13 06:34:58 · answer #4 · answered by louloubelle 4 · 8⤊ 0⤋
Okay, breaking up is hard.. everyone knows it!!! People just have to face it! if he/she uses emailing or even writing a note saying the relationship is over.. that person is just pathetic! He/she doesn't have the guts at all... and not telling him/her without a reason why the relationship is over, he/she is a jerk or a b*tch...
2 people had a long term deeply loving relationship and it ended up this way?!?! Stupid!!! 100% stupid!!! Telling the person on the phone is bad enough but emailing!!! WORSE!!! the best thing is to go straight up to the person and tell him/her the reason why... that's the right thing to do..
People who just simply say "it's over" with no reason.. they are immature.
2007-10-13 06:41:04 · answer #5 · answered by vintage_springs 3 · 7⤊ 0⤋
no that is pretty messed up.. if you are going to break up with someone you should at least have the decency to tell the person straight up why you are doing it. because even if the truth hurts, the other way would hurt more. Also if you dont leace the distinct impression that this is why and we are not getting back together, the othere person wont be able to move on and you will have a whiny ex on your back.and that is worse then still dating the person.. so no you should always say why you are breaking up with the person, no exceptions
2007-10-13 06:36:08 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 6⤊ 0⤋
W H AAAA T ??? how "deeply" committed and devoted can you be when you don t have the honesty and the guts to be upfront andhave a descent conversation about what s going on and why.....maybe it s an uncomfortable situation or one of them "moved on" and wants to brake loose but still.....if you've been so close with somebody you ll find a way to say what you feel or think and then everyone can go his/hers separate way.....but i found an e-mail or text or even a phone call hypocritical,not nice even suspicious.....if you spent time and shared so much closeness with smbdy why destroy every memory or feeling left by walking away like that???? i don t think is right...(unless if it s smthn so crazy like what happened to my best friend his girl "dissapeared" by sending a text an after a quick phone call !!!!!he almost died from sadness only to find out through me 2 mnths later that her father took her to germany and she didn t want him (the boyfrnd) to get hurt or in trouble cause her a father was a psycho...thankfully evrthn worked out 4 them!!! so unless it s smthn so crazy i don t think it s nice or honest in any way...)
2007-10-13 06:50:36 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 7⤊ 0⤋
no, that is not, nor will it ever be okay. I personally think that it is completely worng to dump someone over email even with telling them the reason. The person should break up with the partner in person, with telling them the circumstances and the reasons, not just leaving them wondering why. cuz trust me, it's happened to peopl i am very close to friends-wise, and they ended up attempting to commit suicide, and were damn close to it, because they got the impression that they were worthless, and a waste of space on earth.
2007-10-13 06:38:49 · answer #8 · answered by nikkiebushnell 3 · 8⤊ 0⤋
Heck NO! that is the weinies way out. If you have been involved the least you can offer is an explanation. Even if you have to fudge a bit and take the blame.
Not facing the person is like commiting suicide. It is being selfish and leaving the one left behind open to guilt tripping themselves.
2007-10-13 06:33:32 · answer #9 · answered by Southern Comfort 6 · 8⤊ 0⤋
No, emails and text messages are great ways to communicate but big stuff should be at least done telephone or face to face. We are humans after all. Beleive it or not I'm a guy and have tried the easy way.
2007-10-13 06:43:09 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 7⤊ 0⤋
Absolutely it is not okay. What I JERK!!!!! Maybe you need to stop and look back on your relationship with him, I,m sure he's always been this way, you just didn't see it. You'll be heart-broken for awhile but this too will pass. Learning about love the hard way is a nasty business!!!
2007-10-13 06:43:46 · answer #11 · answered by Anonymous · 7⤊ 0⤋