My mom has lung cancer. What should I do?

Question

It dosen't look good either. Shes 67, and does not want any kind of treatment. I'm 25, and in the health care industry. But I don't know anything. I don't know how to get power of attourny, or what to do if she is really ill and the hospital relases her. I can't afford to put her in a nursing home. I don't even know if I want to do that. But I can't stay home with her all day and not work. All of my family is in New Jersey, and I don't have much of a support system down here in Florida. I feel alone, scared, and really confused. If anyone out there has some helpful advise I'd sure appriciate it.
Thanks.

Answer 1

Life becomes overwhelming at times especially when illness strikes out families. Take a deep breath and call someone, maybe a friend or another family member. Ask yourself if there is anyone who can help from your family... maybe a wife of someone or a cousin who maybe not working. An extra set of hands is needed and most welcome at this time.
Power of Attorney is something your mom has to sign off on in order for you to take over her finances and make decisions on her behalf. A lawyer can draw up the paperwork for you or there may be forms online that you can download and print and have your mom sign and get notarized where it would be legal and less expensive than seeking council.
No, you cannot stay at home all the time and become consumed by this all by this all by yourself. It drains all of your emotions and strength and you won't have much to offer your job, or anyone for that matter.
Take another breath....
Talk to your mom. She may be shielding you from her reality. Your mom may not be in the best of health in order to receive any treatment. She may have been told that treatment will prolong her life by only a few months and those months would be of her receiving the treatment that will keep her sick and in bed the entire time. I am terribly sorry for you having to deal with this load on your own....
Ask your mom if you can call her insurance company and see if she can receive any at home services, like an at home nurse that can come in and nurse her throughout the day. As well there is Hospice, there are volunteers there that can come to your house and sit with her throughout the day and fix a light meal and remind her of medications and so forth and just kind of be there so you are not worrying about her while you are at work and if anything happens there will be someone there who can call. Hospice is a wonderful service for people when there loved one is very ill and in need of their services. They do come to peoples houses and if you need a nurse they have nurses available too.
You can reach out to churches and tell them your situation and they may be able to help you with having a companion come and help whether you are home or not, as well with some of the financial burden.
Call the insurance company and see what services are available for your mom.
I know this is all overwhelming for you, but you need not do it alone. Reach out to the community in which you live. Look up your local health department website and you may find the services you are looking for for free. Call the red cross and see what services they have available for you. This is overwhelming because you have to reach out and tell all of these people your situation and you may even become a bit numb to it.
Don't forget about you throughout all this. Do something kind and good for yourself. Try to watch a lighthearted comedy, too. Laughter can pull you out of this for a few moments in time. You deserve something special. Something just for you.
Talk to your mom as much as you can and try not to leave anything left unsaid. Ask her all about her younger years, what were your grandparents like and who was her first love and all the things that have made her who she is. This in turn helps her spirit, reflecting on the good times.... childhood and teen memories.
Again, I am sorry for the road you are on and you never have to be alone. Reach out! God Bless!

Answer 2

There are some support through insurance (Medicare) and other programs in the community where your mom lives. If she doesn't have someone who can stay with her when she becomes very weak, then at that time, some sort of arrangement has to be made. Call a fairly large hospital in the area where your mom is (or if she is in a hospital now, call that one) and ask for Social Services, they know about what is covered by Medicare, Medicaid (to see if she might be eligible), give you guidance on how to get a Power of Attorney. There are health care programs like home health and hospice that she may be able to get with a doctor's order. Hospice would be the most helpful if she has less that 6 months to live. Then talk to the staff of that group (they have a social worker) and they can be very helpful in getting you in touch with these resources and be an emotional support to you.

Answer 3

My mom passed from lung cancer two months, I know how you are feeling, it's devastating. Regarding the power of attorney, advance directives, and will. Your mom will need to contact an attorney, an advance directive is very important at this time, as this illness travels fast. If she doesn't want treatment, the advance directive will state this. A will is important also, even if there is no money or assets, it needs to show who is the executor and who the beneficiaries, if any. The hospital will likely release her, and send her home. Her doctor can give you info about Hospice Care, it's a wonderful thing, both for you and your mom. They will discuss your mom's care at home, they will supply people/nurses to help you and your mom. They provide counsel before, during, and after, and are a wealth of information. They also help you with setting her up at home, she'll likely need oxygen supplied as her lung capacity won't be enough, and she will struggle to breath without it. I too am alone without family nearby. The final month will be very difficult, the last week in particular. Be prepared to see your mom in a way you aren't used to. Although my mom weighed only 150lbs, moving her was very difficult in the end, you'll need help to do this. If she falls, or the power goes out and the oxygen machine stops, you can call 911 and they will come help you get her into bed, and get things gonig again. The Hospice people can give you all this info and more, please make that call. It's going to be very emotional for you, and you will gain strength from this, although your heart will cry in pain. Take time with your mom, spend as much time with her as you can. Know she too is likely scared, and unsure. My mom said she wasn't anxious, but I sure was! I didn't understand, but later she explained why, and then it did. Take care of yourself, email me if you wish, my pain is still fresh and raw, but I would love to help ease your pain. Good luck!

Answer 4

My mum (who is 60) was diagnosed with kidney cancer in May this year. When they found the cancer it had already spread to the liver and lung. My Mum was my best friend and it hurts deeply, she past away 7 sept.She was only sick four months it was a very aggressive cancer and treatment was not an option. Your Mum would have to give you power of attorney, and i advise she has her will and legal info up to date. For me the ONLY option was to quit my job (and my life) and become her full time carer. (im 29) I would never have dreamt of putting her in palliative care. I can understand you feeling alone, scared and confused but if your mum lives on her own like my Mum she needs you more than ever now. Just imagine what you mum is thinking and her emotional state?? Im not sure how close you are to your Mum, but for me my Mum was top priority during her illness and EVERY aspect of my life suffered tremendously. But it wasn't about me it was about my Mum who was dying from cancer.

Answer 5

http://www.hospicecareflorida.org/faq-hospice.html
http://www.fdhc.state.fl.us/Contact/index.shtml
http://nahc.org/consumer/home.html
http://www.divinecare.net/index.html

I'm sorry but being a UK nurse means I have little knowledge of your systems in the US. However, these websites might be of use. The thing to remember is by talking to as many people as possible NOW will ensure that all the agencies that could be available to you will know about your situation. There are many charitable organisations out there who are only too willing to help and if necessary come to some arrangement about funding.
You need to talk with your mum's physians ASAP and find out the prognosis. Sad to say often six months is what people are looiking at from diagnosis. Certainly was close to that for my father - we found out in the january and he died in the August.
This is a little scarey, I know, but information is king here and gets you ahead of the game. So act now.
What your mum needs is a support network of family, friends and medical help. She needs a palliative care team of doctors and nurses who specialise in this disease and it's management. She will need symptom control for the most debilitating aspects of the disease, such as breathlessness and pain. Management of her activities of daily living need addressing and this should involve whatever body helps with social security in order to obtain benefits to fund this. It will unfortunately involve some compromise from you and your family - but employers can be very sympathetic to family crises. If they aren't - they're not worth working for! Spread the burden amongst the family - its too much for just one person - this is what families are for.
If I think of any more to add, I will come back to this, but I'm busy right now. Best of luck and remember - you're not alone - talk to the above agencies, you never know what help you can get unless you ask!

Answer 6

I'm sorry for your situation. I think maybe you should have a talk with the rest of the family including your mom to get some ideas flowing.
You need to have a heart to heart with your mom and just ask if she has though about who she wants to be in charge of her stuff when she passes away or gets to ill.
You can always contact the hospital social service department and they could probably direct you better.
You might look into some support groups for yourself as well as your mom. Good luck.

Answer 7

If you are in the health care industry you should know that each hospital has a medical social worker who can help sort these types of issues out with you. Contact the hospital and ask to speak with the social worker who would handle your mothers case or ask her doctor directly. They can guide you.

If that doesn't work there is an online site called Cancer Care which performs a similar function. They are there to guide you and answer these types of questions:

Cancer Care
http://www.cancercare.org/

Or try contacting:
Association of Oncology Social Work
http://www.aosw.org/

How an Oncology Social Worker can help
http://www.helpstartshere.org/health_and_wellness/cancer/how_social_workers_help/cancer_-_how_oncology_social_workers_help.html

You could also try contacting the American Cancer Society who can guide you to local resources:
http://www.cancer.org/docroot/home/index.asp

Best to you.

Answer 8

My mother was diagnosed when I was 25........I would be happy to chat with you. Please feel free to e-mail me if you would like.


Mother diagnosed with lung cancer in 2001 50 years old passed away in 2003 at the young age of 52.

Answer 9

don't panic. My dad died with lung cancer - find out as much as you can now from web sites her doctors