So my wedding is tomorrow and yesterday my fiance and I had a long talk about whether it was the right thing to do or not. We had this talk about 4 months ago and decided we still wanted to get married. She told me she doesn't feel like she's completely in love with me anymore. We've been together for 4 years and just recently bought a house together. Our relationship has puttered out since we got engaged though. Things seem awkward sometimes and everyday communication feels like were forcing it. I feel like I'm trying so hard everyday to make her love me like she used to though which might be making it worse.
I think we let things like the wedding and house get in the way of showing each other how much we love each other over the last 2 years. Im worried she doesn't love me as much as I love her anymore though.
I think cold feet could be some of it but how can I be sure we're doing the right thing.
2007-10-13 04:30:57 · 12 answers · asked by Marc 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
moving and planning a wedding are very stressful. remind her why you're getting married. bring out old photos and talk about the good times. maybe it will make her see that things have changed and see if she wants to fix them. If she doesn't than obviously you shouldn't get married. it sounds like you still really care for her though.
I don't mean to sound pessimistic, but divorces cost way more than weddings.
2007-10-13 04:37:44 · answer #1 · answered by Courtney 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Buying a house AND a wedding...very stressful. I think you should postpone things so you can get to the root of the problem. Tell your girlfriend the truth.."I'm not marrying you like this." Maybe it is the wedding and the house, but you really don't know. You couldn't drag me down an aisle if I weren't sure I was in love and was loved. I really think renting is better to start a marriage. I know financially it doesn't make sense but at least you 're not under constant pressure and all your weekend are consumed with repairs and maintenance. You have a chance to be a young married couple.
2007-10-13 12:45:10 · answer #2 · answered by N0_white_flag 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
In any long term relationship, that "in love" feeling won't always be there especially during times of stress. It's those times where love becomes more of an action. During my own wedding planning, I became so stressed out (one example my mother invited 60 guests at the last minute without discussing it with me) with the wedding and finishing up my degree at the same time -- I was on edge. After the wedding, I moved across the country and surprisingly married life has been sweet.
Moving is tough and wedding planning can be tough as well. You have to be able to distinguish whether the lack of passion in your relationship is due to stress OR if there's something else. I would talk to her about it tonight.
2007-10-13 12:06:30 · answer #3 · answered by Jasmine808 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I know it seems like now that the ball is rolling, you can't stop it, but you have until tomorrow to decide not to marry right now, without it turning complicated legally, with divorce, etc.
If your marriage starts off rocky, with her saying she doesn't know she's completely in love with you anymore, your marriage will be short, but not-so-sweet.
You shouldn't have to be working that hard to make her love you, even when you're married.
You really shouldn't be making the excuse that it was because of the wedding, or the house. The stress doesn't end at the altar. If you falter on pre-marital stress, getting married is going to break you.
Call it off or postpone it. I know it's daunting, but it's a lot less daunting than getting a divorce would be.
Don't reschedule it until you both know you're ready for and happy about marrying each other.
2007-10-13 11:52:28 · answer #4 · answered by CrazyChick 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I'm going to assume that if you bought the house together, you probably live in the house together also.
Even though it is difficult to "postpone" a wedding less than 24 hours in advance, it does make sense to do so, and it is easier to dissolve a living together relationship than legally dissolve a marriage.
Most likely, you have family or friends that would be willing to help you make phone calls and cancel the arrangements.
Don't feel you have to make explanations to everyone; just make a simple statement such as: "we are postponing our plans to marry".
Best wishes to you in resolving your feelings, with a view to a happy future whether or not that includes this marriage.
2007-10-13 12:34:26 · answer #5 · answered by littleredms 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't think you're doing the right thing getting married if the relationship has puttered since the engagement and there's a problem with communication. Even though the weddings tomorrow. . . you can still call it off! You'll save pain and suffering and a lot of money.
2007-10-13 11:36:06 · answer #6 · answered by peaches6 7 · 4⤊ 0⤋
It is absolutely normal for people to move in and out of "in Love" feelings with the same person. It happens in marriage and couples need to be willing to work through it. Most important is do you want this to work and does she. Your wedding will be a beautiful, happy day and once the dress is on your bride will feel like a bride. It is important that you be understanding. Most likely she has carried more stress than you and that has worn her out. The day before my wedding I was worn thin. The next morning I woke up thrilled and confident. Also, prayer will help you to know what's right.
2007-10-13 18:31:45 · answer #7 · answered by livewithoutfear 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
>>We had this talk about 4 months ago and decided we still wanted to get married. She told me she doesn't feel like she's completely in love with me anymore.<<
Never marry anyone who doesn't feel she's completely in love with you anymore. You should have cancelled your wedding 4 months ago! In any case, you need to get off the computer, tell your fiancee the wedding is off, call your parents, inlaws, and start a phone tree to call all the guests. Better to have the embarrassment of calling off a wedding at the last minute than a cold, loveless, unhappy marriage that will end in divorce anyway. You can mourn this loss later, but right now you need to get busy cancelling.
2007-10-13 11:39:12 · answer #8 · answered by Ms. X 6 · 5⤊ 0⤋
For the meantime call off the wedding and postpone the date. Talk and settle your differences first. Love is important in a relationship.
Take note:A HOUSE IS NOT A HOME WHEN LOVE DOESN'T EXIST.
Don't worry what the people may say when you call off the wedding. You have the reasonable ground and they will understand.
2007-10-13 12:35:38 · answer #9 · answered by poorguy 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well after 4 years you do not have the spark that you had when you first met and everything was new. Some days, there is not much to talk about. Thats the way it goes. But you should still feel excited and look forward to growing together the rest of your lives.
2007-10-13 11:59:35 · answer #10 · answered by fizzy stuff 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋