when a very close friend of urs has cancer & may never recover, how is...?

Question

anyone meant to cope?

i also just wanna thank anyone who takes time to answer :)

Answer 1

I have been diagnosed stage 4 breast cancer. I can tell you it has been very difficult, though as time passes and I think about it, I have gradually calmed down. I have let my friends know. Sometimes I want to talk and cry about it, but most of the time, I just want to go out to dinner, for coffee, movie. I don't want to be constantly reminded of it. Everyone wanted me to know that they cared. I know they do and told them that then said let's focus on other stuff. If I need to talk, I'll let you know. How can you cope? Find other people to talk to. It is okay to cry. The big thing is finding ways to get your feelings out, then it is a little easier to go on.

Answer 2

I am not certain there is an answer to your question. I don't think there is any right or wrong way of coping with the knowledge that someone close to us that we love are going to pass. Some throw themselves into other things to keep themselves as busy as possible to stay out of their heads and away from their feelings. Others may be emotional and cry or become angry and overwhelmingly hurt. For most, I think we go on autopilot for we don't know the right way to deal with this situation. We don't know how we are supposed to act and what we are supposed to say or not say. I believe the person who is dying comes to terms with it and accepts it much sooner and far more gracefully than those who love them. We kind of stand on the sidelines and hope for a miracle cure and try to figure out ways of keeping the person around and may try to force different doctors and treatments on the person in hopes to keeping them alive. I have been in this situation and I found it best to be as normal as I could be around my friend and not talk only about cancer and treatment. I found that making jokes and being lighthearted and watching comedy movies was a great way to help my friend out for a few moments by getting her mind off of her reality. And not staying focused on the cancer and asking twenty million questions and the one question I stayed away from is HOW ARE YOU FEELING? Why? Because everyone asks that and she was just so tired of saying ok. And really she just wanted to scream I AM DYING! HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL? Which tends to really bring the person asking down, but enough is enough sometimes and everyone needs to respect the person who is dealing with the cancer. And remember that they aren't dead yet and they want to be treated and talked to the way they were before they shared their cancer diagnosis with people.
I don't think we are meant to cope, we just learn how to cope with life on life's terms.
If you are going through this situation, I am very sorry for you and I hope you remain as good a friend as always and remember, that although your friend has cancer, they are still alive and still human. God Bess!

Answer 3

Human beings are remarkable creatures. How does anyone cope with any tragedy? It is certainly not a path that anyone chooses, but you can and will cope because you have no choice! There will always be an underlying sadness, but there will also be moments of clarity and indeed fun. Do not worry about what might happen, but focus on the moment and what is happening in your friends life today. Enjoy their company and do not treat them any differently. Your friend already knows how difficult this is for everyone, so don't add to the burden. Remain positive and supportive and be determined and strong as your friend faces this most difficult time. (it is not about you, afterall . . all this is about your friend . . if he can cope . .than you can.).

Answer 4

My wife died one year ago from cancer. It was a cruel and heartless way for her to die.

Coping is the hardest part I suppose. People tell me "one day at a time". Good advise. Be a friend and be there when your friend needs your support. The one thing that I did that I am truly glad that I did was to make sure that my wife knew that I loved her more than life itself. That in spite of the difficult times (jobs, kids, bills, disease, etc) that I would have married her all over again and gone through it all again with her, because I loved her that much. I am very glad that I told her that while she was still alive and that she did not die without knowing how much I cared about her.

I still feel crummy that she is gone and I that I am still alive and that I can continue with my life. It darn sure isn't fair. I prayed to God to take me and let her be OK, but prayers like that will always go unanswered it seems. I hate that part with every inch of my soul.

I tried to do my crying at work or in the car, but not in front of her. I tried to not let her know how angry I was that the disease was treating her the way that it was. She had enough problems without worrying about how it was affecting me.

I'm not sure that all of this will be helpful to you, but I wish you and your friend the best of luck. May God bless your friend in his or her time of need.

Randy

Answer 5

You sound young, i know what your going thru. I lost my mum to a very rare and aggressive cancer on sept 7 this year. She was sick for 4 months. To be honest, you DONT cope!! It is absolutely heart breaking losing somone close to you. The worst thing is there is NOTHING you can do to make them better. You feel powerless, and like your heart is being ripped out. My advice is to spend as much time with your friend, you never know when they will take a turn for the worst. I wish you all the best contact me if you need support.

Answer 6

My first experience with cancer.....a friend of my mom's had brain cancer. She came to live with us while have radiation treatments......knowing that she would die, we made the best of the time she had and she was always in good spirits. We were all at her bedside when she passed. A month ago, another friend was ill with Renal Cancer......she deteriorated quickly but I stayed with her during the day while her husband was at work. At first I was just there to make sure she didn't fall as she had fallen a few times.....and get things for her......it got to be much more than that as the days passed. It was very sad........cancer is such a horrible disease. She passed about 1 month ago. You just help them as much as you can and be there for them to talk to and make them laugh. You will be sad but you have memories and you will never loose them. Be strong for them when they are here but keep them in your heart when they are gone.

Answer 7

It is hard, but with memories and time the pain slowly heals. I am sorry you are going through this, but know that there are support groups. If you are religious you can pray. It is hard to believe that God would want anyone to hurt in anyway, but everyday is a life lesson.
I lost a friend of mine to brain cancer. It was hard, but I learned a lot about me and life. It took a lot of time before I could cope with his death, but one day I did.
Have faith in the human spirit and yourself. You will find inner strength that you never knew you had.
I will pray for you and your friend.

Answer 8

Spend time with your friend and let it be known how much you care. Sometimes, it's a relief for the patient to be able to talk about what's happening. Be there to listen.
A very good book is, "The Next Place". It's not really religious, but it is spiritual.
Bless you.

Answer 9

My husband has been fighting a head and neck melanoma cancer since last late October. Seven surgeries between November and April and Chemo since early July. We are finishing our third month in the hospital since after his 3rd chemo he became septic and almost died.

How does one cope? Day by day - hour by hour - prayer by prayer. I have found that intention meditation has helped me, as well as music, prayer and loved ones constant support.

Asking questions as to how or why your loved one got cancer doesn't always serve a purpose....we can't change things. It is our job to support, love and be there for them. If you know the doctors, nurses, etc. are doing or have done all that can be done, then it is your job to support that knowledge and do what you can to continue the help and be sure pain is minimal if possible.

See what helps make your friend the most comfortable (food wise, music, television, books, etc.) We found my husband needed a soft teddy bear to hold and a soft blanket to pull up around himself. Music therapy helped calm him and keep his blood pressure and heart rate where they needed to be.

For myself, talking with others, allowing myself to cry when I needed to cry, long walks, watching ducks on a pond, journaling, helping others at the hospital when seeing them fall apart, all have helped me stay sane.

We printed shirts with pelicans (his symbol of hope) and asked friends to run in a race in my husband's name. (he loved to run) My son took over our household expenses for us so I could stay at the hospital 24/7. Neighbors took care of my yard, offered to clean house for me, brought in meals.
My daughter made calls to help find housing near the hospital, help from various sources and a constant support system when I was most falling apart.

You can cope, by helping your friend cope. Do what you can to ease the time left. Help them prepare for what may be the end. Keep them as happy and comfortable as possible, but don't pretend that things are differnt than what they are. Your friend needs to be able to talk about his/her feelings. Tell your friend that you love him/her. Laugh about fun times you had, and cry together if you need to, but live each day as fully as possible.

You ARE NOT alone - call your local cancer center or look on line. I have gotten a lot of support from various groups and people who have helped me in so many ways.

My prayers and thoughts are with you and your friend.

Answer 10

try to read revelation 21:4,5 and/or open this link : http://www.watchtower.org/ for further comfort and hope