do parents have to do with a kid feeling hate all the time?

Question

my parents used to fight very badly, banging things all over the place. thank god they divorced when i was 6. i'm now 19.

but i feel hate all the time (u can see my other question) and i found someone sharing the same feelings as me, its scary:
[quote]
i HATE them. my teachers suck. i HATE them too. my friends are all fake bcuz they ignore me, and ive been alienated at school by everyone. i HATE them all. i also HATE my church, cuz they always talk about love and jesus, but they dont know my suffering. animals are okay, tho. i think that my feelings are justified, do any of u think so too?
[quote/]

i love dogs. i wish i had a dog so at least i'd have one real friend. i hate my teachers because tho they know my problem, they arent too forgiving or helpful. i'v got bilateral hearing loss of more than 50% each ear.

i'm not trying to be defensive or anything.. so pls hear me out here.. i try my best to be nice to ppl around me. and i try to be helpful and all that, but it's so damn hard when the person doesnt appreciate it and takes advantage of me (i do all the dirty work whereas he/she gets all the credit) i'm that kind of backstage helper, and i do things that ppl take for granted will always do for them. and being nice to ppl isnt an issue, it's being nice to mean ppl that is. and alot of ppl around me are mean.

Answer 1

I understand what you are saying perfectly well. I also was brought up with two parents that fought all the time and eventually divorced, leaving me in the middle. They used me as a wheapon against each other, so there wasn't a lot of love there. Also living with my mother was hardest because she used to beat me and the police and everything else would come out... it was a nightmare. I didn't have many friends and the only way for me to get away from it was to spend time at school. I hung out at the library because I thought all the other kids were boring and immature and I hated the way that they talked behind everyone's backs.

At some point you are going to have to deal with this on your own because you don't have parents or a support system that you need to survive as an adult. The best thing to do is think of stuff you like to do. I would avoid boys as much as possible. Because they can only get a girl into trouble at this age. Since you are 16, you have a few years to figure out what you want to do when you graduate. I would focus on this. Talk to a favorite teacher and explain your concerns. Ask them to help you find a program or some kind of vocational training that you can do. Since you have some hearing problems there are most likely some funded universities that help kids get educated on grants etc. I would get out of there as soon as I graduate! Instead of being angry all the time and hating other peers and your mom or whatever, just put your energy into making elaborate plans to move out as soon as your old enough. Two years is plenty of time to plan this. The best thing you can do is go to college. There is no other way to live without an education nowadays. You'll also be completely independent from your past.

As far as church goes, you shouldn't think of other people who attend there. The purpose of going to church is for praying and helping others without expecting anything in return. So stop saying negative things about others taking credit because God knows what you are doing for others and you'll find more and more in your life that people will always try to cheat you or take credit for your work. But God and you know the truth! Beat them at their own game. Don't give anyone any space to steal your ideas. You have to learn to communicate with them first. The best way to talk to anyone is to talk the same way that they do. Always agree with them. Don't tell anything personal. Listen. They will tell you so many personal things and you can use it against them later, if you do it wisely with good reason in front of others. Listening rather than talking can get you very far in life. You'll have to learn to communicate like them if you want to fit in. But if you choose not to, then don't be let down if no one bothers to talk. It's the way of the world. If you want to get something you have to play. But stay away from people who push you about personal things. I hope I've helped you and I really hope that things will get better for you. But remember this depends on your efforts.

Answer 2

First, off, of course the way you were raised has a lot to do with how you turn out. But, hey! You're 19 now and a great age to finally say this is your life! Make it an adventure and enjoy it! Start by simply smiling at everyone you meet. A smile back is great for the self-esteem! If you really take little steps to being enjoyable to be around, your whole life will turn around. If you have pent-up anger, you may need to talk to someone professional, like a counselor, trusting adult, or a minister of any local church.
Get a dog! They are the best friends in the world! Love him, take care of him and play with him! Good idea!
As for your hearing loss; join the club. I have 40-50% loss, too, but you learn to deal with it. I hope you have hearing aids? You can't fully live without them. Good luck and get going! You can do it! Blessings sent your way!

Answer 3

I wasted too many years of my life feeling the same way, blaming others, hating people and feeling sorry for myself. Hating always comes back on the hater, so you first need to get rid of that emotion; it is useless, negative, begets more negativity and is a terrible waste of time. Also someone who is consumed with hate puts other people off and prevents you from getting to know new people and attracting friends.
If you can, and have the time and money (vets cost more than people doctors!) definitely get a dog; having a dog would help you tremendously. They give love unconditionally and are always there when you need them.
I also grew up in a violent household, I saw my father break a chair over my mother while she was lying in bed and drive her to try suicide. Every time he got drunk he would abuse her physically and verbally, it was horrible and made me feel so bad I threw up. When she tried suicide I was 8 years old at the time and had to run and get help in the middle of the night.
So many people go through similar situations but we try to get past the emotional baggage. When you spend too much time looking at the past you miss the present and can't see or plan for the future.
You can get past this and you can survive. It's a question of how badly you want to change your own situation. The power to change is within you. Use it.

Answer 4

I'm sorry you feel this way. I see some positive things though. First, you are able to express your feelings. Second, you have an idea where it might have come from. Third, you know it's not your fault that you have these feelings. Fourth, you are reaching out, trying to find a solution to your problems.

The dog sounds like a good idea if you are in a position to get one.

I suggest that you find a counselor to talk to about this. Your school and your community must have counseling services you can use. Also, the minister at your church might be able to help you.

Your teachers might be to busy to help you. They might feel that it is their job to teach and aren't prepared to be social workers or counselors.

I hope that you are able to overcome this hate problem that you have. Life can be different. Life can be beautiful and wonderful.

Best wishes.

Answer 5

Since you are an adult, you can no longer blame your parents for your actions. It's time you take responsibility for your own life.
If you stop hating, you won't feel hate from the world.
Try changing your attitude to a more positive one, and you will find good things coming your way.
If church is confusing you about this, stop going to that church.
When you get your own home where you can have animals, you can't go wrong getting a dog - they will bring unexpected love and joy to your life. Try to spend time with animals if you can, like volunteering at an animal shelter.
Don't use your handicap as an excuse, it doesn't permit you not to try your best.
Hope this helps.

Answer 6

Counseling. You can help yourself by getting counseling. Your local school of the deaf should be able to help you with a counselor.

Anger usually is a sign of low self esteem. People who hate themselves usually hate everything around them. You seem to expect people to read your mind. You are going to have to communicate your needs to people. If you hate your church, then change it. If you hate your school, then change it. Get different friends. You are not a child, like it or not, you are a grown person and can do what you want.

Hate will eat you up alive. Seek counseling, and help yourself before you hurt yourself.

Answer 7

I suggest to talk to your guidance counsel or call Family-Help they can help you a-lot. If you don't want to do that, have them sit down at a table and then talk about - Why do you guys think this about me? Do you guys really want me to succeed in life? BUT MOST IMPORTANT thing is Do you really care/love me ? Because you don't show any support, you make fun of me, you even make my self-esteem go down when you are the one telling me to not care about what I look like. If this seems a little harsh I strongly recommend doing this . Good Luck :)

Answer 8

It sounds to me as if you are taking your negative feelings and attaching them to everyone around you. Try working on your feelings toward yourself. Try to improve how you see yourself as a person. Practice doing things that make you feel happier and better about who you are. Develop some hobbies which are enjoyable to you.

It sounds as though you are feeling sorry for yourself. Try to open your eyes to the world around you. It is not all filled with hate and enemies...you have to put forth a little effort to find the good....but it is out there.

As for friends....who wants to be friends with someone who goes around hating everyone all day. How depressing and boring. Work on your outlook and it WILL change.

Answer 9

If you want someone to be nice to you, you firstly have to be nice to them.....Treat people with respect and how you want them to treat you. You cannot keep living blaming on your parents, hating everyone forever.....You are saying you are victim and whatever bad things happen to you is someone else fault. Don't be sulking around like a kid as you are 19 years old.

Answer 10

hey there i have been in ur shoes too before
but now i kinda regret what i ahve done
everything i wish i can trun back the time but i cant so just think life is short why wanna waste all those grudges
peace
C.T@electra