My teenage grandson who is now 6ft + tall got into a fight with his step father. His mother can no longer deal with his attitude and has given him the boot. My x-wife is going thru rehab and cannot devote the time to his problems for very long so I was called in to help raise him.We r empty nesters and wife does not want to take a chance on the child getting into trouble while in our care. I feel the teen should have a stable environment away from the problems he encounters at home w/his mother (my daughter from a previous marriage). Come live with us at least for a little while, however, my wife must be very comfortable with the setup. We have had a tough time with our 2 children (now grown) and is once bitten twice shy. What can I do or say to help convince her that this is worth a try?...
2007-10-12 19:54:00 · 12 answers · asked by ? 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
Addendum: he is not out on the street or anything like that. He is with his grand mother my x-wife just till I can convince my wife to let him stay.
2007-10-12 20:02:26 · update #1
Make a deal with her. You and your wife need to decide on what boundaries your grandson has to adhere to to remain in your home. Then when he gets there you 3 need to sit down and explain the boundaries and rules and that if he cant live by them he goes back to where he came from. Let him know he is loved but that you all have to live together in peace and everyone has a responsibility to the house to maintain that peace and that its not all one sided with him doing whatever he wants. He should have chores to do to keep him busy. Homework done every night. A curfew and that you know where he is at all times. And respect should always be a part of it. Things like that.
So tell her all this and make a time period so he can prove himself. If it doesnt work then you need to respect your wife as she has to live there too. Its her home too.
2007-10-12 20:46:56 · answer #1 · answered by Dovahkiin 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
13 years old and already 6+ feet tall? See if the basketball coach wants him! Golly!
Bless you for reaching out to this kid. He needs the opportunity for stability and discipline. Family needs to come first. You will both regret not having tried to help this kid. That will be like signing his death warrant in this day and age.
Sit down with your wife and establish some rules and assure her that it will be done right. When you bring the boy home, all three of you sit down and go over the rules, and get an understanding down pat. Make it clear that you are sticking your neck out for him, so he must make every effort to show you that your faith in him is well-founded.
See if you can get the kid into some good extracurricular activities and maybe a study group or tutor of some sort to help him recover lost ground at school. Take time to do homework with him and play with him. Show him by example what being a man is like.
You may have to file for guardianship.
2007-10-12 20:06:40 · answer #2 · answered by revsuzanne 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think in all fairness you need to see your wife's side here also. If you sister is not acting right, you wife does not want this influence in the house. You are trying to raise children and they may get very confused. If your sister is on meds and can act like a normal person, then it may be ok. Your wife should have a say in this. You are a partnership and this has to be decided on by both of you. This may cause a financial issue as well. Children will get more expensive as time goes on. Make sure this is ok with both of you or do not do this. I know you love your sister but you wife and children have to come first.
2016-05-22 04:59:55 · answer #3 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ask your wife to consider writing something up and show some tuff love and let him know he can stay but this is whats going to happend if the contract is broke and theres any trouble. At age 13 ,he must be going threw alot and needs to be loved and cared for. If it will meen alot to you that your grandson stays , then tell your wife that and this could be the best thing that could have a possitve outlook for the teen.
2007-10-12 20:10:02 · answer #4 · answered by P.I. Dustin 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i see .. you know what ?
you are a Good Husband and a Great Grandpa.. For you to say this surely you dont want your wife to feel mad about this situation and so this is what i think you should do ...just when you are the two of you before heading to sleep ... tell her , what it is and how you feel ..meaning that you want to help rise your grandson and that even if you have been through alot before .. you say honey, its better for us to take care of him than to let him grow up as a Troublemaker ....
Tell her how you want to try to make him understand the way you want him to behave while staying with you in your home ..
Tell her just how you feel about this just open up and ask her ....you love your wife and you dont want to be called Bad Grandparents ...later in the end .
so just give it a try , ask and explain, that it wont be easy ,but this is our grandson ... nomatter what ... we need to love him and help him to grow in a home with manners.
2007-10-12 20:20:54 · answer #5 · answered by Elizabeth N 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
How can your wife convince you that this is a stupid idea?
If he has an attitude problem, let it be his problem and not your wife's.
Don't ruin your marriage because he has turned out to be scum.
Look around at probably more than 50% of todays youngsters, surely you can see that these kids arn't worth your effort and will simply use you.
2007-10-12 20:03:07 · answer #6 · answered by andyman 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
make a plan. involve her in your ideas and write it down. in these ideas or plans, include a time frame. that way she can see it on paper and make more sense of it. and she can put in her ideas too. make dead lines or goals too. and be consistent with whatever you two decide. key word consistent. it will not be easy, dealing with troubled teens is not never easy. especially with your boy going threw what he is going threw. he has a gang of issues and i dont blame her for not wanting to go threw the trials you two are about to go threw should you agree to take him in your care.
another thing you can do is get some kind of outside support, like a family in home parent support or foster parent support counselor. these people may make her feel more comfortable in dealing what seems to be a big challenge. good luck.
oh, ya and parenting classes to be a source of support for both of you cause you will need it.
2007-10-12 20:01:27 · answer #7 · answered by beachgirl90 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First talk to your grandson and tell him your worries, and if he loves his grandparents like i love mine, he'll behave and respect you and your wife. Do this before you bring it up to her, then let her no that you want to try to be a better grandfather than you were a father( not implying anything, just for a dramatic effect) i'm sure it will work out!
2007-10-12 20:00:01 · answer #8 · answered by takterest 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
it is a challenge to bring a troubled child into your home life. My husband (his step-father) and I have dealt with troubles in the teen years and we have survived the trials and tribulations. He is doing well for himself now. It was not easy, but nothing in life is easy. We were there for him and his issues, we supported him. we would still support him if he needed us. he has grown up well and so far extra support is not necessary.
2007-10-12 20:12:26 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think your grandson has no other choice but to live with you and so do you because you love him i presume.Explain your wife that love counts and hopefully she'll fall for it. To your success!
2007-10-12 20:04:17 · answer #10 · answered by promassage 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋