i have been with my boyfriend for almost 2 years and it has been wonderful. The first year he kept me private and away from his family. we both decided we were ready for his family to meet me. so i met them and they have been wonderful except for his mother. His dad died when he was 19 and he has taken the responsiblity role of being the father figure to his brothers which i respect alot. The only problem is is that his mother acts like she is married to him. We happen to share the same birthday and whatever he gets me she has to get equal or better or she is unhappy. If he spends time with me like private time she tells him she feels ignored and left out. If he takes me on vacation or to a concert he has to explain to her why she cant come along. It just gets frustrating because i feel like its not our relationship like its me him and his mom and i dont know how to deal with it she is starting to come between us by causing drama about random things. I honestly dont know what to do..
2007-10-12 18:05:32 · 5 answers · asked by Nesie L 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
I'm sorry you have to put up with that, well you really don't but because is his mother you respect the problem right? the gift thing really gets me mad. I know how you feel because my husband use to do the same thing to me. On my first mother's day he said he only had $50.00 to spend on a mothers day gift. I had no problem with that because we were only 17yrs old then. But he did not get me nothing because his mothers roses cost him $50.00. And girl friend I went off I told him I'm the mother of your child I come first now! not your mother her days are over. She is second in your life now! and that is second best too so that means I get the best gift from now on. He told me I was crazy but girl ever since then I come first and that is how it should be. Don't get me wrong we should not over do it but your boyfriend needs to just let his mother know that you come first because you do. You are the HBIC now not her because who keeps him happy all the way at the end not his mother. Because if she did he will not be with you right now. Would he? I told my husband she would had been happier with a shopping gift card of $25.00 and she said that I love the roses but Rod should had just got me a $25.00 gift card.
2007-10-12 19:32:57 · answer #1 · answered by webblebaby 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This isn't really a problem YOU can solve. It's your boyfriend's problem. I'm sure he's unhappy with the friction, but having a mother in the background who has been dependent on him is a pretty powerful situation to turn his back on. She sounds far too dependent on him. Does he still live at home? If so, it may be time for him to move out. Don't kid yourself, though -- this woman is going to be a big part of your life if you end up marrying this man. Either make a concerted effort to find way to get along with her, or it's going to be a rough ride.
2007-10-12 18:19:04 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's always the guy's mother. My grandma is similar (my dad's mum) but probably not as bad... It's all attention. She IS an attention seeker and it's frustrating. They'll want to be everywhere you are otherwise they feel ignored. The only problem is that we live with my grandmother and she owns the house so we're practically tied down to doing everything she says until she dies. Tell your boyfriend to stick up for himself. I'm sure he loves his mother but he has to tell her how it is, and she WONT like it, she'll feel hurt but don't let that get on your consciounce because she's making you unhappy. Hope it all works out for you.
(Mother-In-Law is an anagram of Woman Hitler.. there's some trivia for you, no offence to mother in laws because it's just a stereotype)
Good Luck
2007-10-12 18:18:14 · answer #3 · answered by Mike S 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I agree with MommaBea. Keep it cordial. Try doing things with her (shopping, movie, afternoon tea, etc.) for you to get to know each other. You, your boyfriend and his brothers can try to find an outlet for all her energy and time. Perhaps she can take classes, volunteer at a nursing home, library, school, etc. You can contact your local United Way for a list of agencies that need volunteers. Let him have some private time with her. If you do get married, you may have to move some distance from her if things don't get better.
2007-10-12 18:36:25 · answer #4 · answered by Penelope 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't expect the situation to improve.
If you marry this guy she will probably try to run your marriage and will probably be popping in without notice. You probably will not enjoy any privacy.
She will always be an emotional blackmailer.
If he cannot cut the apron strings (or the umbilical cord) you don't stand a chance of this developing into a stable, mature relationship.
He is at least in his 20s? He should not be living with his mom, and she should not be calling the shots in his life.
Tell him your feelings.
2007-10-12 18:25:10 · answer #5 · answered by revsuzanne 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋