My husband was out of town. My stepdaughter, she's 14, hung out at the house and was going to be picked up after 8:00p.m. to stay the night at a friends house. I was out with my sister and not coming home until late. I ended up stopping at the house becuase her dad and I could not reach her. When I got to the house, she was not there and there wasn't a note left. I called her Dad becuase he was worried and said that I could not find her. I checked the caller ID and saw two numbers, one I recognized as the neighbors son. The other one I did not recognize. I gave the two numbers to my husband and said give them a call becuase maybe she is with the neighbor. Turns out she arranged to be P/U by a 16 year old boy alone(she has never dated). They went to the grocery store and the beach at night. Her dad said she was till able to stay the night with her friend and hang out tomorrow, just not go to the dance Saturday. Do you think that was fair punishment? Should it have been more or less?
2007-10-12 16:51:45 · 13 answers · asked by julester7171 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
I have sought counceling when we first married to know where my boundries are as a step parent. I have been told that I should not parent her becuase I am not her parent. It's hard becuase I can not parent, yet I believe it is a reflection on me and my husband both as parents. I can only talk with my husband in private about what I think. Personally, I think it was not strong enough. I think she should have been grounded the weekend. I also would have grounded her from other activities for at least 2-4 more weeks. This was a small test to see if she could be alone for 5 hours and trusted. It does make me wonder now, when she is home by 3 and we do not get home until 5 what takes place while we are working.
2007-10-12 17:07:57 · update #1
http://www.cafemom.com/group/13109
2007-10-12 18:24:14 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
There are 3 people in this equation:
You are being undermined and your authority ignored.
The husband has his head up his @ss.
The SD is running wild and likely to come up pregnant, on drugs or both.
You need to talk to the parents of the 16 year old boy... let them know that if the SD comes up preggers, they will be paying for child support until their boy can support the baby.
There is always the possibility of setting up a webcam or two with motion sensors record what is going on before you arrive home.
I would suggest family counseling... you and hubby need to agree on the RULES and then ENFORCE them!
If you cannot get support from the husband, get ready to walk.
Your new mantra is "If the mama isn't happy, then NOBODY is happy!"
2007-10-13 02:37:46 · answer #2 · answered by revsuzanne 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Best thing to do is let her father handle the situation. The most important thing is to stick together with her father on these kind of decisions. Kids do these kinds of things and someone should try to discuss the situation with the boys parents if possible. The age difference scares me a little but the damage is done. Talk to your husband about this matter. If you interfere you will probably just build a wall between you and the child and then she may become unreachable. Always remain united with your husband and try to avoid making yourself the bad guy. Her father needs to understand that this kid may end up pregnant from these type of encounters.
2007-10-13 00:00:26 · answer #3 · answered by s01psb 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Sounds like your girl is boy-curious, which can quickly lead to sexual curiosity. Where there's a will, there's a way, and if she really wants to have sex... she's going to find a way to do it. Instead of punishing her, try sitting her down and having a heart to heart. Let her know that you understand those 'special' urges. We're all human and we all get them. Tell her you're not crazy about the idea of her being intimately active, but that if she is going to do it, then she should be EXTREMELY careful and that she can come to you about things of that nature. She doesn't need another mother, so try being her friend. If she trusts you, then she won't hide things from you. Also, you should mention that young boys love to brag about their sexual excursions, because they think that's what makes them 'real' men. Let her know that any of those young boys she decides to sleep with is going to be eager to share the fact that he did so with anyone who's willing to listen. If she doesn't want people to think she's easy, then she should probably be VERY selective with anyone she decides to become intimate with. Like I said... your child is going to do it whether you like it or not if that's really want they want to do. You might as well be there to hold her hand and guide her safely through the ride.
2007-10-13 00:20:27 · answer #4 · answered by branwen_morgaine 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think she should have been grounded for the night including the dance on Saturday- she is 14 she doesn't get to do as she pleases. It's ridiculous that you had to worry on your night out because she wanted to act immature and go out without permission. She is going to run all over you if you don't do something now.
2007-10-12 23:56:21 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 2⤋
Not stern enough. She is going to think she can get away with this stuff in the future. You are going to end of being grandparents before she is ready if your husband does not step up and be a parent.
2007-10-12 23:58:30 · answer #6 · answered by eharrah1 5 · 2⤊ 2⤋
run for your life... my stp sonhas caused nothing but trouble between my husband and I. Even now that teh boy is 22 we dont agree on ANYTHING whenit comes to his boy.
set serious boundries, talk to your husband and make JOINT decisions that he and you agree on and take a united front with the girl. She sill divide and conquor..
sometimes I wish I hadnt married my husband, I had 2nd thoughts when we married, all because of the boy.
2007-10-12 23:57:18 · answer #7 · answered by grapelady911 5 · 2⤊ 2⤋
You should have dragged her butt home immdiately from her friends house...staying there indicated that she can get away with anything. I would have grounded her for a month taking off with an older boy like that. Heck NO!
2007-10-12 23:56:04 · answer #8 · answered by CC 6 · 1⤊ 2⤋
She should not have been allowed to spend the night or hang out the next day either.If the punishment does not fit the crime, that will only encourage her to keep lying and sneaking out.
2007-10-12 23:57:54 · answer #9 · answered by onyx1 5 · 1⤊ 2⤋
I think this child is doomed because the two of you are bad parents. You should never leave her alone at her age, teenagers do not know how to follow rules or handle themselves properly.
Because you and your husband cannot parent and present yourselves as a united front of authority, she's just going to do what she wants anyway.
2007-10-12 23:55:31 · answer #10 · answered by janicajayne 7 · 0⤊ 4⤋
It should have been more, but as the stepparent you do not have say in how he raises his child. The only thing you can do is express your opinion to your husband and hopefully he takes you into consideration.
2007-10-12 23:58:14 · answer #11 · answered by Casper 2 · 1⤊ 2⤋