In June my cousin got married. My sister and I were supposed to be bridesmaids, but 2 wks before the wedding my cousin and sister had a falling out. My aunt called me and said that they were kicking my sis out of the wedding and they wanted me to tell her and get the dress back. They said I could still be in, but they'd understand if I didn't. Well, for obvious reasons I didn't attend, but I am very upset and hurt by the whole situation. To this day the only communication has been an email to me saying they were sorry I was hurt in all this. No apology, no admitting of wrongdoing, and still neither my aunt or cousin has called my sister to make amends. I refuse to speak to them and it has torn the family apart. Help! Am I wrong to feel this way? I can't get over the fact that they excluded us from a major life event and don't seem to feel all that bad about it. How do I get over this, or should I even try?
2007-10-12 15:37:05 · 18 answers · asked by IamDiDi 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
I understand why you still upset!
Looking from both sides and i think it that unless the falling out was something so big that made the Bride uncomfble to call your sister(which for me would be something like saying something hurtful about your cousin or the groom) they really still should not have put you in the middle your aunt should of called your sister not you they however(even if it was by email) have said sorry for that!
I think its possible they also feel bad To remove someone knowning that you would also leave I hope is something they would not have done lightly but you and i dont know why!
You need to talk to both partys and find out why this could be just a terriable missunderstanding and lfes to short!
However you need to get over this and you need to move on because holding onto hurt is never a good thing
Good luck
2007-10-12 18:15:47 · answer #1 · answered by Sazzy 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hmm, that's a very difficult place to be in---I would have a terrible time choosing between being cousin's bridesmaid, or step out of the picture because cousin kicks your sis out of the wedding for that ridiculous communication break down.
You loved your sister & she has a right of her own opinion, and thought what your Aunt and cousin did was downright nasty in kicking your sis out of the wedding just 2 wks before the wedding, all that work your sis put up with??
You made the right decision not to attend at all, because you guys haven't heard from them with a formal apology since. Other family members will find out the truth down the road some day. Just don't feel you did something wrong about that disaster timing-----MOVE ON!
When you or your sister find Mr. Right some day down the road----and plan to marry, think about inviting your Aunt or your cousin---THINK TWICE! Unless they apologize for their behavior, they put you a tight spot, which was very UNFAIR!
Good luck my friend!
2007-10-12 16:00:30 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
You are not wrong for being mad. I would be very upset also. The thing is, they didn't exclude you from the wedding, they excluded your sister for whatever reason's it may have been. You could have still went to the wedding, but, of course your sister would have probably been hurt by you going. I understand where your coming from though. You should just talk things out with them, let them know how you feel, and work something out. Life is too short to hold grudges! Hope this helped you in some sort. Take care!
2007-10-12 15:48:18 · answer #3 · answered by It's A Girl ? 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
i think you have the right to be upset. I wouldnt want my sister to feel left out and hurt because she couldnt be a bridesmaid but you could, that isnt really right or fair. I think you did the right thing and there isnt really anything you can do they have to take the step in admitting they were wrong and everything. Your aunt and cousin should have made amends with your sister before the wedding.
2007-10-13 03:57:49 · answer #4 · answered by bballbabe725 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
They excluded you and I definitely empathize with why you feel like this. You expect b/c you are family for things not to get this point, however sometimes we cannot control how individuals act or think fam members should act a certain way. Sometimes when we still remain the same with the morals and values we were raised with, we become the "bigger person" in the situation. I think that mending the loose ends would be the best thing to do even though it may be uncomfortable. Life is so short and holding a grudge could one day be regretful.
2007-10-12 16:22:09 · answer #5 · answered by Crys B 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Well, you don't actually state that the falling out was the cousin's fault, so I don't think they are the ones that need to apologize, and even if it was the cousin's fault, why would they need to apologize to you? They didn't kick you out of the wedding, you bowed out on your own. How were you hurt? I can understand how you may have been angry(if it wasn't your sister's fault), but I don't understand how you were hurt, YOU chose to not be in the wedding, not them. If anything, YOU should apologize to your cousin for bowing out at the last minute over a matter that didn't concern you. The best way to get over it? Realize that it was your sister's deal, not yours.
I would like to add that they probably "dragged" the asker into it because they couldn't get a hold of her sister and knew that contacting her would be the best way to get their message to the sister.
2007-10-12 15:47:55 · answer #6 · answered by littlevivi 5 · 5⤊ 1⤋
Weddings can tend to bring out the not so good behavior in some people...add to that all the stress involved...well...good people do some not so nice things to each other. It seems like to me that the issue is between your sister and your cousin. The 2 of them have to decide when to work out whatever problem they had . As for you, you have to decide wether it is more important to be "right" or to be happy. When you have the answer to that...you will know what course you are going to take for yourself. Good Luck
2007-10-12 15:56:40 · answer #7 · answered by Renee 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It would help if I knew what the falling out was over. They did try to let you know it wasn't about you, so they don't sound like bad people. Maybe your sister did do something wrong? Not sure. I can't really make a judgement on this situation without knowing more.
2007-10-12 15:50:00 · answer #8 · answered by BlackDahlia 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
They may be feeling the same way you do. How do you know they don't feel bad. They were definitely wrong in telling you to tell your sister. I hope you told them if they don't want her in the wedding, tell her yourself. To use you like that was wrong. To answer your question, no, you are not WRONG to be upset. You are perfectly entitled to your feelings. However, you need to decide if you want these people in your life. If you do, call them and tell them you'd like to meet them to talk and listen to their point of view and try to understand their side. Then you can share your side. Hopefully you can work it out. If you don't want these people in your life, then try to let it go and get on with your life.
2007-10-12 15:47:10 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
We don't know the whole story here. Maybe they had good reason to kick your sister out of the wedding. You've automatically assumed them wrong and chosen sides, and given them the silent treatment. You can choose to silently carry on your bitterness in the family "feud" or you can move on.
2007-10-12 15:48:37 · answer #10 · answered by Ms. X 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋