I am a grad student who works with a committee of faculty members on my genetics research. One of the members of the faculty took a real interest in a proposal I wrote and I have since invited him to be on my thesis panel. At first it was all talk of my research and was very professional but as time has progressed (this is all in a matter of months) he has been acting strangely around me. He has also started giving me gifts and offering me many unsolicited things such as trips, and even money. He has never made an overt sexual advance but I am fairly certain that I am the only student he spends extra time with and really goes out of his way to see. I should also add that he is married. My dilema is that I feel uncomfortable and am thinking of asking him not to be on my thesis panel anymore- but am worried that in doing this I will create a bad situation. Am I just reading too much into his actions, is he just being nice? I do value his professional input on my research......
2007-10-12 13:08:14 · 15 answers · asked by Libby 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Yes#
2007-10-12 13:11:48 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think your professor has crossed the line. It's understandable if he is just spending extra time with you to help with your thesis, but there is no reason why he would give you gifts, trips and money. How you deal with this situation is up to you. I don't know what kind of person he is and how much time do you have to spend with him before you graduate. But, here are few options:
1. Pretend you are oblivious. Play dumb when he offer you things and don't except them. Tell him that you would like to take him and his wife out to dinner to thank him for his help. Invite other students or professors to dinner with you.
2. If that doesn't work, call him out on it. Tell him in private that although you are probably just over sensitive about the situation, this is still making you feel uncomfortable.
3. If that still doesn't work, talk to someone at your school about it. File a comlain and try to finish your thesis asap.
Good luck.
2007-10-12 20:23:14 · answer #2 · answered by Lisa 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you feel uncomfortable then yes he is crossing the line. For him to make you feel like that isn't fair to you. Before giving him the boot just tell him straighforward "I don't feel comfortable with the amount of gifts and offers you have been giving me and would appreciate if things could go back to the way they were before". And if he starts to get defensive then just walk away, and let another trustworthy professer know the situation and give him the boot. But first , hear him out.
2007-10-12 20:19:10 · answer #3 · answered by Wowza Emily 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you should make it clear that you want more of a professional relationship with him and don't accept any unsolicited offers without a reason involving the research you are doing. If he pressures you too hard, try to distance yourself from him for longer periods of time. If he becomes a stalker, involve the police and never go anywhere alone for too long.
2007-10-12 20:14:24 · answer #4 · answered by americankenpofreak 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He´s maybe just being nice...But you never know coming from men...
Act in a natural way, keep it for you. Don´t make any remarks. Til you have done what you have to do. Giving gifts and offering money isn´t part of the ethical behavior. Keep on eye on him,,,but don´t show any emotions..Your interest is your research don´t risk the goal for a guy playing "casanova"
Good Luck!
2007-10-12 20:25:52 · answer #5 · answered by jackielafemme 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He is obviously showing some type of attraction to you. This isn't totally over the line, but its pretty close. The next time he gives you a gift just say " I appreciate the way you see me, but I'm not attracted to you like you are to me." Then if you want walk away so you won't have to talk to him... hope i helped
2007-10-12 20:13:31 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
No, he is being unfair to you. If you are uncomfortable, he needs to get off your thesis panel. Grad school is stressful enough without some slimeball professor giving you the creepy crawlies.
2007-10-12 20:12:48 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds to me like he's crossing the line. Get a boyfriend if you don't have one, then flirt with said BF in front of your prof. It's a polite way of saying "NOt interested". If He doesn't take the hint, get him off your thesis pannel and out of your life.
2007-10-12 20:17:42 · answer #8 · answered by Azima 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
SOUNDS LIKE HE WANTS TO BE MORE THAN FRIENDS. TALK TO HIM AND TELL HIM THAT YOU DO NOT FEEL COMFORTABLE ANY MORE AND WOULD LIKE IT IF HE LEFT THE THESIS PANEL. THIS CAN AVOID A LOT OF DRAMA IN THE FUTURE AND YOU WILL NOT GET INVOLVED WITH HIS WIFE IF SHE WERE TO FIND OUT WHAT HE IS DOING.
2007-10-12 20:15:17 · answer #9 · answered by Just Say It Again And Mean It 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
reports to the school office or the police. this is a serious matter and could be deadly. try your best 2 avoid him and when he offers you gifts kindly say no thank you
2007-10-12 20:14:56 · answer #10 · answered by legolas123568 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋