MOMS My 10 year old throws tantrums?

Question

Is this normal? Shouldn't he be over this stage? It doesn't work so I'm not sure why he does it. He always ends up in worse trouble then when he started out but it continues. What is going on?

My son is a great student and very smart. He just has a hard time hearing the word no at home. I usually punish him by taking away things. Should I restrict him and take things away or just ignore the behavior? I think he gets a lot of attention so it can't be for attention.

Answer 1

At age 10 your son ought to learn to better control his rage because it will get him into trouble. You might talk to him quietly and let him know that this is a serious problem and that you will work at it together. Then you reward him for controlling his anger (that is, whenever he manages to resove a "situation" without throwing a tantrum), and you punish him for going beyond what is still acceptable. Taking away things doesn't seem to work with him (perhaps because he has too many to choose from), so unless you want to spank him you may restrict TV and computer time or don't allow him to see his friends for some time.

Answer 2

I cannot believe all the people saying a tantrum at 10 is normal. Children throw tantrums because that is the only way they know how to express their feelings. At 10 this behavior is completely unacceptable. And yes, I have children. Four of them, 17, 10, 8 and 4. As the parent you need to have a serious talk with this child. At a time when he is calm and it's just the two of you. You need to lay down the law with him. Explain that you understand that he gets angry when things don't go his way and that's alright, but that he needs to find a better way of dealing with his anger/frustration. Maybe you could give him suggestions of better ways of handling different situations. And set very clear consequences ie. losing certain priveleges, if he chooses to continue with the tantrums. Does he only behave this way with you or is out of control in school or at friends houses? If it's only with you then you need to take a long, hard look at what you're doing to make him think this is acceptable. If he's doing it in school, as well, he's going to find himself in a world of trouble, if he hasn't already.

Answer 3

Oh thank God! I thought I was the only one with this problem! My son is ten so I know how you feel. My next door neighbor's three year old son acts better than mine! Talk about frustrating! My son will be in worse trouble also, and I'm starting to feel that he may be doing this solely for the attention (however negative) it may be. Do you have other children also? Does your son have ADD/ADHD or any other personality problems? Mine does and the advice of his doctors is to treat him the same way that you would with a normal kid. I leave the room when he starts his fits, or I calmly with a neutral voice tell him to go to his room, this gets him to stop pretty quickly, as he is not getting attention. I noticed that he usually has these fits when he has not gotten enough sleep, or quality sleep. Maybe you should keep a journal of his bedtimes and take note of when he falls asleep and when he is getting up in the morning also. Do this for about a week if you can, then you may have a better idea or notice a pattern of where his fits are coming from. My son will stay up till midnight if you let him, and then get up at five in the morning, but then he will be pissy all day. Best of luck to you!

Answer 4

How about a spanking? Ever thought of that it's your fault he's throwing the tantrums. Oh boy you took something away from him big deal.What is going on is you have no discpline over your child. He's 10 years old he doesn't care if you take away something he likes or dislikes. He just knows how to push your buttons and you let him. It's called punishment for a reason, spank him so he'll stop. That will teach him not too throw those tantrums. Big deal time outs don't do anything and neither does taking things away.

Answer 5

I think it's quite normal. My son started w/ the terrible two's & it lasted well past the age of 10. I thought the same thing that you're thinking. It did seem to work best for me if I ignored his tantrums, but each kid probably reacts differently. He's 19 now & a very calm, respectable adult working & living on his own & going to college. I can't remember when he quit, but it was a VERY VERY long time!!! None of my other 3 kids threw fits like he did--I wouldn't worry too much.

Answer 6

If you can do it, then just looking at her and then laughing, then saying you'll come back and talk to her when she''s calmed down, then leaving her to it. Also she needs more exercise in the fresh air to get some of this energy out! Treat it like its not getting to you, its silly behaviour that you expect to stop soon, or like a minor illness she will get over, and never have a direct go at her about her little displays, other than to say "when you're finished" or "come see me when you've calmed down". that should let her know its not having the desired effect. Or getting laughed at for it. If you see her behavious as ridiculous, then she will come to see it that way also. When she's calm tell her you understand what's going on, you still love her, you guys will get through it all as a family and it wont last forever. Her hormones must be playing merry hell with her feelings right now! She needs to know you guys still love her and will support and help her through it.

Answer 7

It sounds like there are too many parents who don't want to Parent! A 10, 11 year old having tantrums, give me a break, this means he has been getting away with murder his whole life. He needs some discipline and not to be babied, maybe a smack on the butt or on the mouth for that matter...my 2 1/2 yr. old already knows that I won't stand for her tantrums!

Answer 8

Is there a new addition to the family? A loss of someone close? Stress at school?

Things can cause this behavior, but it doesnt mean that it excuses it.

Let him know that you do not accept this behavior, let him know what you do expect, punish him straight away when he throws a fit (personally, I find a quick spanking, a good talk, and diversion into a productive activity works best with this age) and then watch for things in him that might be causing it.

Deal with those issues separately. If its stress at school, help him learn how to prioritize and to stay focused and to have pride in himself and his work, build his confidence.

If its a new family member, let him know that jealousy is not acceptable, teach him how to love the new person or pet, or whatever new addition might be taking up your time, and then show him how to deal with his issue more productively.

Help him to understand loss if someone is gone, or something has ended. Encourage him to set goals and to reach them, so he can feel pleased, and teach him how to love even when the person is not present.

Answer 9

If I threw a tantrum when I was 10
believe me my mom would of warmed my bottom but good.

I can't believe parents have to ask what to do.
For heavens sake spank the brat

Answer 10

Well...my son is 9 and still does. So I don't think you can put a "number" when they grow out of it. Think about it like this: Don't YOU get angry about something and throw a fit? I certainly do and I'm an adult. Your son is only letting out frustration. The KEY is to NOT feed into his tantrum. I tell mine this, "Let me know when your're done" then when he tells me he's done we talk about what he could have done differently. That's about all you can do...
Final note: Whenever a trantum comes into the situation: REMOVE the child from it. (and of course yourself)