Is it considered cheating when....?

Question

I find a guy attractive and we talk on the phone for hours sometimes til 5 in the morning and have lunch and dinner together. We happen to have a class together and we would hang out after class. My friend seems to think I'm cheating on my boyfriend. I have not done anything I think would be considered cheating IMO, what do you guys think?
Never kissed him, Never hugged him, I look at it just two friends spending time together even though I do find him attractive.

Answer 1

Technically you havn't cheated, based on the information provided... but you are treading on thin ice.

Answer 2

Based off my definition of cheating you haven't cheated....yet. And why I say yet, is because, attraction to someone other than your boyfriend is a bit of a dangerous thing. I mean you could be out to dinner or lunch or wherever with your friend, and then he may make a joke or your boyfriend might piss you off one day and that friend comforts you. And then that one look at him, will change that friendship. If he feels anything back that is, and there might be some kissing and making out after that and maybe even a bit of sex in there too. Though most folks say "no, it would never be like that or get that far." But see with attraction, its the beginnings of temptation. And its all innocent up until some other outside factors come along and make that attraction grow. So I say just have lunch every once in a while with this guy, because you just never know where your attraction might lead you with him, if you aren't careful.

P.S. For some guys having dinner with another guy that is not your boyfriend or partner is considered cheating. So I think you and the boyfriend need to talk about what your definitions of cheating is, before things proceed any further with this friend.

Answer 3

Ask yourself would your boyfriend consider it cheating? Would he mind the two of you talking like that all night on the phone or eating out together so much?...Would you feel comfortable doing an activity with your boyfriend and him together, just the 3 of you?....and does your boyfriend know about your new friend who happens to be male? If not why havent you told him yet?....I do think that talking to a male on the phone at late hours of the night for "hours" and often is crossing the line and I think your boyfriend would feel the same and he would also ask why you dont feel compelled talk for hours to him on the phone late into the night. Lunch is usually an informal thing if you guys share a class together but to then have dinner as well is kind of crossing the line I would say. And like you said you do find him attractive ...just the way you say that..you didnt say he was a good looking guy but you said you find him attractive which means his looks attract you . I am not condemning you at all but I think from the information you gave that it does seem to be cheating and thats my thinking and opinion, everyone has different opinions and that was my input.

Answer 4

I think there is a problem in your relationship with your boyfriend. why don't you talk to him so much or hang out. I think this guy you are talking to seems to get you more. Your boyfriend should be your best friend.
Also does your boyfriend know about this guy? If he doesn't ask yourself this question why have you not told him?
Even though you haven't done anything with this guy other then talk you are opening a door to a chance to cheat on your boyfriend.Why not be true to your heart and break up with him and start dating this guy that you can talk to for so long .

So I know you may not like this answer but you are in the beginning stages of cheating which in my eyes is cheating. I f my boyfriend was talking to some girl going to dinner and all that stuff you said I would consider him cheating on me and I would break up with him.

Answer 5

I was in almost the exact same situation a few years ago and my BF (now husband) told me that it was cheating and that he didn't like it. I didn't consider it cheating because I thought that the other guy and I were just friends. I shortly found out why my husband classified the behavior as cheating. I realized that the more and more I talked to my guy friend about my boyfriend, the more hostile he became about my boyfriend. He'd say things like that my BF wasn't smart, he had bad style, he doesn't understand me, and other things to just be down on him. When my guy friend started talking this way I realized that he thought he could get me to leave my BF for him even though I'd only thought of us as friends and company in between classes. One day I told him that if he was really my friend, he wouldn't say such mean things about my BF (whom they guy knew I was in love with and in a serious relationship) and that I couldn't be friends with someone like that.
My point is, that even though you don't see him as a potential BF, he may be trying to charm you into thinking of him that way. A guy (who isn't gay) who consistently spends meal time and long discussions with a woman is trying to appeal to her in a non aggressive way. Think about the movie "Just Friends" where the jerk guy cons the girl into thinking that they are just friends so he can gain her emotional confidence and thereby slip into her bed via the "back door" (as opposed to up front and honest dating which would be the front door).
It's cheating. Stop hanging out with the guy before things get ugly and you feel stupid.

Answer 6

If you have a boyfriend, then yes that is considered cheating because I have a friend thats a guy and I will not spend more than an hour per week on the phone with him! Do not see your guy friends unsupervised! Also having lunch AND dinner with him is drastic so yes, it is considered cheating UNLESS your boyfriend is o.k. with it.

Answer 7

The difference between it being an affair o'r friendship is whether o'r not you'r boyfriend knows about you spending time with this guy. If you keep the meetings secret from your boyfriend then that's deceitful and i would consider that cheating. After all why hide something from someone if you have nothing to hide?

Spending all that time with him is a bit much don't you think? If i was your boyfriend i would feel really suspicious and insecure.

Answer 8

CALM IT DOWN A BIT....

Look I was in the same situation. I have been with my bf for 3 years now and only spent about a month apart at the most. But that month was the worst of my life.
I started to work in this job, and got to know this guy. We got along great & there I was chatting away to him on msn, or texting or whatever... until late at night. Sometimes until 5am etc... My bf rusted me so much that he didn't mind.
It turned into something more. At the time my bf was being a bit distant and not that nice to me, he was going through a stressful time & taking it out on me... I was going through a hell of a time as well... My fathers cancer, no attention of my bf, sex etc....
Anyway I had an affair with this guy secretly for 2 or so months, well I met up with him like 2 weeks out of that month, whenever I could as I lived with my bf... At the time I thought I was in "Love" I have only ever been with my bf and this guy so the attention off him at the time was flattering. I felt loved again.

Anyway to cut a long story short - I confessed to my bf, we broke up for a month but then I realised I didn't LOVE this guy. I was just loving the attention... I don't even know this guy even more, he moved away back home, and I never even think about him anymore.

But I will tell you now. If you love your bf. DONT DO IT.
It is the biggest regret in my life. We are back to normal now, but I still suffer with guilt from time to time. You will regret it. The other guy probably sees you as interested given the amount of time you talk to him.....

Answer 9

IF you don't do anything it's not cheating but spending that much time with another potiental mate can make your current mate can feel threatened.

You should be aware that going down that road with someone you are attracted to can lead to cheating if you are together and then something 'just happens'.

Answer 10

Well I guess you need to ask yourself if your boyfriend was doing the same thing would you feel he was cheating? If not and you can tell him about the friendship then I say go for it. If you haven't told him about your guy friend then you already know the answer.

Answer 11

If you flipped the situation around and he was doing this with someone else would it hurt your feelings. Most likely. It is possible to have an emotional affair and that is what it sounds like to me. It is okay to be friends with another man, but if you are questioning it in the first place then you probably already know the answer.