My mom asked me last week to change the date of my wedding by pushing it back one year, I got upset but said we would push in back about 8 months. She keeps making excuses for us not to get married (ie I set the date for march and she told me it is cold and tends to snow) so after speaking with her so got mad and is now not taking my calls or returning them times 3 days! She is making me upset, my wedding is around way by one year and its coming up in one year so its been a ongoing thing for two years, she told me if continue with this wedding date she wont be in my pictures, all i have been is depressed and crying about the whole thing. I want to continue with my date but I am upset that she may get mad and not attend. Its not that she don't like my fiance, my brother thinks she is upset because we live in a apartment and I am just starting back to school in January and she thinks i am going to get pregnant and not go back...I am beyond stressed anyone have any advice?
2007-10-12 11:18:28 · 15 answers · asked by bblueyedstorm 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
i am 23 and my fiance is 28 we have been together almost 4 years and engaged one. i have been sick and not been able to eat much and when i think of it i cry...i sent messages to my moms sister to ask her what she thinks but this is the third day her nor my dad has returned my calls or answered there phone to begin with! I need to change the date if that is the case, but i dont know which way to turn!
2007-10-12 11:36:28 · update #1
Poor thing! You are seriously stressed out!! 1st, how old are you? 2nd it seems like she may be afraid of losing you--or the relationship you have prior to getting married.....p.s...try not to talk to your mom everyday, it worked for me!!!
2007-10-12 11:29:37 · answer #1 · answered by Jo-Jo 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Your mother is certainly due respect, but this is your future now. I have seen a friend in this situation before, and if it was up to their mother, there would of never been a right "date" for the wedding, hence it would of never happened. I understand she is upset now, but if you really tried to meet her halfway already, and it sounds like you did by changing the date once, then I would say move forward with things, and I truly believe eventually she will get over it. She will come to realize that she will be missing out on one of the biggest days of her life. As far as school goes and everything, if you really feel that you will be able to handle school and the weddong/marriage, then by all means, you should go forward. You cant make everyone happy and you will kill yourself with stress trying. I am getting married in a few weeks, and at first I was super concerned about what would make eveyrone in my family happy, but now that its a few weeks away I think to myself, this is MY day and I am only getting ONE and I am going to do it my way so that I dont ever have to look back on it with regret. I wish you the best of luck!
2007-10-12 18:31:26 · answer #2 · answered by Mleigh23 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I know that it seems your mom doesn't want you to get married, but she is very worried about you. You are still in school as you explained, and all mothers are strange about their sons and daughters getting married. DONT GET DEPRESSED! She loves you! Just try to talk to her. Say : Mom ,I need to know why you are upset! I want to be able to see you at my wedding, but I'm not sure I can keep changing the date! If we could arrange something with ___ (your fiance), I'm sure we could work this out. Even though I've never done this, I really understand.
2007-10-12 18:31:14 · answer #3 · answered by <ASD3 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
it seems no matter which direction you take, your mother won't be happy. the reasons she gave sound flimsy, and selfish on her part.
your trying to plan your wedding around your mother's wishes is going to be a waste of your time and the day that should be one of your happiest won't be. as a mom of a newlywed, i say plan the wedding that works for you and your fiance, and send out the invitations bearing the date and details you have chosen. send mom and dad their ivitation. whether or not they attend will be their choice, and i hope they to attend to help you bless your union. family support is very important. your mother should be more concerned that your fiance treats you well in private and public, doing his best to be the best husband he can for you and you being the best wife you can for him. your relationship with each other has to be one that works for the 2 of you no matter how many ups and downs you experience.
if you do get pregnant, so what. you aren't the first woman to do so and continue her education. it happens everyday, and you can still earn whatever degree(s) you're pursuing.
best wishes.
2007-10-12 19:56:34 · answer #4 · answered by loving 40+ 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have got to do what you and your fiance want to do. It is YOUR day and how would you feel if it was your fiance's mother telling you when to get married. If I was your fiance I would be a little concerned that your mother has so much influence in your life. Don't think if you wait to get married that will make her happy either. She will probably have some other reason to get mad at you and does she get a say when you get pregnant? Surround yourself with positive friends who will support you and remember it's your life. Good luck
2007-10-12 19:01:22 · answer #5 · answered by Super Sarah 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
why should you have to work around everyone else.
it is YOUR day so have it when ever the hell you want it, if your mum is going to be that stupid and say she is not going to be in your pictures ??? is she mentally stable???
tell her she has already had HER day so if she is not going to be supportive then you would rather organise it without her & she will be the one missing out if she is going to act like a child.
just go ahead with your plans for the date you want, hopefully she will come around.
my mother tried to have things her way, to a certain extent she did & i now regret most of the wedding!
then she kept trying to tell me when to have kids, that i should buy a house etc.
well i didnt tell my mum that i was pregnant til i was 6months both times (i have two boys, 20mths & 6mths) cause i was scared of her reaction. she has always been negative about everything i have done, and we are now estranged & have been for 10 months. briefly reconnected when the 6mth was born, but she went back to her old ways. she is the one missing out.
hopefully you dont have to go down this road.
good luck sweetie
2007-10-12 19:00:40 · answer #6 · answered by gemstarbabe 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Give her time, I don't know you but you may be the first to get married or the last to get married. Speak to her calmly tell her you love her and respect her opinions but you would like to keep the date of the wedding the same and if i change my mind you will be the first to know.
2007-10-12 18:28:41 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Don't let your mom dictate when to have the wedding, she is trying to emotionally blackmail you and sounds like it is working.
Plan your wedding day, invite her, if she says no SHE is the one that will be hurting as she will miss her daughters important day!
Part of me does agree with her though, you should IMO wait until after you (and your fiance) graduate before getting married.
2007-10-13 17:48:48 · answer #8 · answered by Terri 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Write her a letter. If they are not paying for it, tell her you will proceed with you and your fiance's plans. You love her and your dad and want them both to be there, to be proud and to celebrate in the decision you are going to make. They may think it's a mistake, but it's your mistake to make and you would hope they would be supportive of you. Let them know you've tried to show them respect in the manner but they are hurting you not responding to you and leave it up to them to be supportive of you or not show up. And sign it with love, stick it in the mail and make peace with you've done all you could do.
Peace and blessing during what is supposed to be a joyous time for you. Tell the fiance to give you a big hug.
2007-10-12 19:34:45 · answer #9 · answered by That NC Girl 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Just let your mom know that this is your life and she has to let to live it. I know she may be worried about you getting married and not finishing school but, just assure her that you have a plan and you want to go on with your wedding and your life. I'm sure if you sit down with her and really talk to her about her worries she will understand.
Stay Strong.
Stay Positive.
2007-10-12 18:29:43 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋