2007-10-12 10:07:36 · 11 answers · asked by djzlyric 4 in Society & Culture ➔ Etiquette
Why do seagulls fly by the sea???
If they flew by the bay they'd be bagels.... (baygulls) get it ? get it?
2007-10-12 11:40:13 · answer #1 · answered by Buzz B 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋
It makes me uncomfortable at circumstances, even yet it by no potential stopped me from being beneficiant with my time, money and talents. on the different hand, appreciation is a thank you to maintain me grounded in this existence. Too a lot of human beings assume the international to supply for them, as though international owes them something. considering that makes me unwell to my abdomen. So, to verify i are not getting that way, i'm deeply grateful for a sturdy provider, job performed on time, somebody's friendship / love, a sort notice, a grin etc. keeps me humble, and that's an incredible feeling...
2016-12-29 06:45:24 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I heard this on a Christian radio station, called a clean joke.
The worlds smartest man, a Priest and a Hippie are on a plane. Plane's going down and the pilot tosses 2 parachutes on the floor and jumps out the plane. The worlds smartest man says that he's more important to the world, so reaches down, grabs a bag and jumps out. The Priest says to the Hippie, "Well which one of us will make a bigger impact on the world?" The hippie says, "I don't know man, but the worlds smartest man just jumped out the plane with my backpack."
2007-10-12 10:14:44 · answer #3 · answered by Joyful 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
IT'S NOT FUNNY!
The boss returned from lunch in a good mood...
The boss returned from lunch in a good mood and called the whole staff in to listen to a couple of jokes he had picked up. Everybody, but one girl laughed uproariously.
"What's the matter?" grumbled the boss. "Haven't you got a sense of humor?"
"I don't have to laugh," she replied. "I'm leaving Friday."
Dictionary of PERFORMANCE EVALUATION COMMENTS
Some of you might like to know what the supervisor is really saying in all those glowing employee work performance evaluations s/he keeps cranking out.
Accepts new job assignments willingly: Never finishes a job.
Active socially: Drinks heavily.
Alert to company developments: An office gossip.
Approaches difficult problems with logic: Finds someone else to do the job.
Consults with co-workers often: Indecisive, confused, and clueless.
Consults with supervisor often: Pain in the neck.
Displays excellent intuitive judgement: Knows when to disappear.
Happy: Paid too much.
Hard worker: Usually does it the hard way.
Identifies major management problems: Complains a lot.
Indifferent to instruction: Knows more than superiors.
How TO LOOK BUSY
Generally, this will not be a concern until you are promoted to an executive position. But once you've created the illusion that you serve even the slightest purpose at your place of "business," there's no telling how far you'll go. In the real working world, productivity is all a matter of appearances.
Appearance: You are furiously taking notes while conducting an important telephone marketing survey.
Reality: You are pretending to take notes while talking to your friend who has called collect from Bulgaria.
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Appearance: You are on the phone with a client in New York and you have said, "Yes sirree! That stock is about to shoot through the roof, now's a great time to buy, I tell ya!"
Reality: You are on the phone with a friend in Guam and you have said, "Yeah, this job is terrible, and my boss is such a pushy whining... Yes sirree! That stock is about to shoot through the roof, now's a great time to buy, I tell ya!"
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Appearance: You are at your computer writing a serious business memorandum to your department supervisior.
Reality: You are at your computer telling dead-baby jokes to your e-mail correspondent in Namibia.
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Appearance: You are urgently plugging numbers into a complicated spreadsheet.
Reality: You are playing Tetris.
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Appearance: You are tapping away on calculator keys, helping out the accounting department.
Reality: You are paying your electric bill.
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Appearance: You are reading the DOS manual.
Reality: You are reading the TV guide you placed in the DOS manual.
====
Appearance: You are staring at an empty computer screen, absorbed in deep thought.
Reality: You have pressed "Escape" just in time, erasing a MacDraw portrait entitled "Supervisor with Pitchfork Wound Clinging to a Cliff"
PRAYER
One day three men were walking along and came upon a raging, violent river. They needed to get to the other side, but had no idea of how to do it.
The first man prayed to God saying, "Please God, give me the strength to cross this river." Poof! God gave him big arms and strong legs, and he was able to swim across the river in about two hours.
Seeing this, the second man prayed to God saying, "Please God, give me the strength and ability to cross this river." Poof! God gave him a rowboat and he was able to row across the river in about three hours.
The third man had seen how this worked out for the other two, so he also prayed to God saying, "Please God, give me the strength, ability, and intelligence to cross this river." And Poof! God turned him into a woman. She looked at the map, then walked across the bridge.
2007-10-13 05:05:03 · answer #4 · answered by j 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Three guys go to a baseball game. They have decent seats, but are sitting behind some nuns. The guys are having trouble seeing over them, so one of the guys gets the bright idea to talk badly about the nuns so they will get angry and leave.
The first guy says "I can't wait until I go to Texas because I heard there are only 250 nuns in the ENTIRE state of Texas!!"
The second guy says "Well I can't wait until I move to Iowa because I heard there are only 100 nuns in Iowa!!"
The last guy says "WELL I am moving to Alabama because I heard that there are only 5 nuns in THE ENTIRE STATE!!!"
Suddenly, one of the nuns turns around and says "Why don't you just go to hell? There aren't any nuns there!!"
2007-10-12 10:17:44 · answer #5 · answered by Laura J 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
one night a father is tucking his little girl asleep, the little girl starts to pray "god bless mum god bless god bless grandma and goodbye grandpa" the next day the grandpa dies, so the next night the father tucks his little girl to sleep and the litle girl once again starts to pray, "god bless mum god bless dad and goodbye grandma" the next day the grandma dies the father is now wondering if his little girl is in touch with the other side so the next night he tucks her in and once again she starts to pray "god bless mum and goodbye dad" the father begins to freak out and locks himself in his office alnight, at midday he begins to think its safe so he steps outside only to be greeted by his angry wife the wife shouts "were have you been?!" the father goes "well, i just had the most terrible time" the wife shouts " you tink you had a terrible time? the milkman just dropped dead on our veranda!"
dijon vu- the same mustard yesterday
i have a friend called steve and he claims he really like kids. so one day i decided to test him "steve if you like kids so much, why dont you change the baby?"
"i'd like to, really i would," he said with a mock seriousness " but he's got to want to change"
2007-10-12 10:18:39 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
this guy tries to fight off 2 muggers, loses, and they find only $0.57 in his pockets
"why u put up that fight over $0.57?" they ask
"u can have the $0.57, i thought u were after the $500 in my shoe"
2007-10-12 10:12:10 · answer #7 · answered by zimster42 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
What's the hardest part about eating a vegetable?
Putting her back in the wheelchair.
2007-10-12 10:10:09 · answer #8 · answered by Officer Uggh 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
I wanted to have all of you here tonight to make it easier to hand out your pink slips....guys, don't be embarrassed, honestly...you will look good in them, too.
2007-10-12 10:12:30 · answer #9 · answered by Zombie Birdhouse 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
don't make jokes. jokes are just silly
tell a nice story. make something up as you go along.
2007-10-12 10:15:56 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋