Does the Family Readiness Group have a means to support spouses who live far from their husband's base?

Question

I understand from my investigations of military life that when my husband deploys (he's still in training but I know its inevitable) that the family readiness group composed of spouses at the base will support the soldiers' spouses in different ways. Unfortunately, I will have to remain at home because of having a newborn to take care of, and having emotional and financial support from my family and my parents in law. That means I am planning to use the money he earns (with his consent of course!!) to go to him now and then until he leaves for 15 months, stay in lodging on the Army Post, and "play" family for a week or so at a time, then return home. Also do they have a way to offer support and counseling groups if you are in a different State? I think I will need it. Also what's it like not to see your husband for 15 months and then he returns? I love him sooo much but its almost like we would be starting all over again. Our baby would be a toddler. He won't know his daddy.

There is another thought that I don't even want to have. I try to avoid thinking about it. I think that I would "freak out" if I saw anyone in uniform drive or walk down my street. Everyday for 15 months I'll come home or leave in the morning to go to school (community college) wondering who will be there or call me on my cell phone that day.

Answer 1

First, let me say that you are smart to think ahead. So many of the families I deal with don't and it would make my job so much easier if they did.
I am the KVC for my husband's unit and I have approximately 300 families that I work with. Most of my families are on base here in North Carolina, but some of my families are on the west coast, Alaska, Louisiana, and Texas. Make sure that your husband requests a volunteer for you with his unit. He has a family readiness officer that can take your information and forward it to the person. There are a multitude of places and resources available to you. The first place I would tell you to go is the militaryonesource website. They can put you in touch with just about anyone you need and they are global. They man the website and phone bank 24/7 and I have yet to have a spouse have a bad experience dealing with them. They have dealt with all aspects of deployments and are NOT judgmental.
My husband just returned from a 13 month deployment and I'm not going to tell you it was easy, but you will survive. This was his 6th one to a combat area, but I think it was number 18 in his career. Each one is different, but the one thing I can tell you is that you will be amazed at how strong you really are.
If you want someone to talk to or just to vent, feel free to email.

Answer 2

The answer to your big question of support if you choose to live away from the base is sort of. That's part of what makes living away from your military spouse so hard. What you're not going to get is personal support. You're not going to know the other wives and build friendships with them and their families. You're not going to be able to do many of the activities they do to keep busy through the deployment. This may not sound like much but you're choosing to be isolated from the people who have done this before and know how to get through it.

If the ombudsman/key volunteer and FRG people are great you'll still get any information they can give you. But that may not be much. I know for us (Navy Sub) this deployment we are only allowed to give boat information face to face so a handful of our wives who live out of state don't know any of the new info that came out at our last meeting. You'll also be far away from the resources they know best which means they can't help you as well as they might with issues like recommending a therapist or who's the best doctor at the clinic. Remember what was said above about keeping them updated with current information. If you don't do that then you won't get anything.

You can try to capture some of that support online. http://www.military.com/Community/Home/1,14700,GENERAL,00.html, http://www.cinchouse.com/ and http://www.sgtmoms.com/home.asp are three large online communities for military support. You can also search Yahoo Groups and MySpace groups (as well as any other site you network on) for military groups. Sometimes in the groups you can even find area and base specific ones and sometime the FRG's have their own groups.

And MrsJVB is right about the base facilities. Usually you can use at least the basic services at any military base near you. But if their hospital/clinic (or anything else) is too busy some of the first people transfered out in town are the military not stationed at that base. And that means a lot higher cost for you.

Answer 3

The FRG will be able to keep in touch with you via e-mail and phone calls. Our FRG kept people in touch mainly with e-mail because they could send out a big group letter and they knew that everyone would get it. As opposed to having to leave messages and hoping someone will call back. The only real way you will be able to get counseling groups is to look into it in your particular area. Being away from post kind of leaves you a little bit out in the dust as far as one on one support. You will more than likely find more support from on-line avenues. There are lots of chat groups, and lots of us military wives that meet through the internet. It is VERY important that you remain in contact with your FRG if you want them to keep in touch with you. They are volunteers who keep in touch on their own time. Make sure they always have a good e-mail and phone number for you. I had a wonderful FRG group when my husband was deployed (unfortunately, they are not all great, but I was lucky). You need to make the effort to try to stay in touch with them. It is very hard when we would get a call from a wife that was 1000 miles away from post angry about not getting information, when she never gave us any updated info in the first place. You are going to have to make sure your baby knows who Daddy is. Lots of pictures and stories. Make home movies before he gets deployed! Have daddy make some audio tapes, maybe reading a bedtime story. Just try to stay as strong as possible, and keep as positive an attitude as you can! It is alot easier that way. Falling into too much negativity is the downfall of a great many military households. Best of luck to you! There are alot of us out here...we try to support each other!

Answer 4

They have online support with www.militaryonesource.com.
You could tell your husband to let the family support group know your address/email so they can stay in contact.
You can contact tricare as well to see about getting medical treatment in your area.
It is the greatest feeling to see your husband after 15 months. Just let him relax and readust to home life. It takes a little bit.
Don't worry my husband and I left our son for a year while in Iraq and after a few days he was just fine with us. He was 1 year when we left. Just make sure to take plenty of pictures.
As far as people coming to the house it is just something you have to deal with if the worse happens.
Remember to take care of yourself and child and don't stop living. Try to finish your college etc. The best thing while your husband is deployed is to keep busy so it helps pass the time.
Good luck to you both.

Answer 5

I'm only going to touch on the part about you child not knowing his daddy because I know I was concerned about this when my son was born. Make a small photo album of pictures of your husband and yourself, and when you get a chance, make sure to take pictures of the baby with you husband. It seems silly, but you can show the baby pictures while hubby is gone and tell him all about him. My husband is gone alot as well, but I did this for my son, and now that he's older, he carries this photo album around and talks about how "Daddy's a Maween".

Answer 6

i'm a so/so member of my FRG. i favor to save recommended yet i do not bypass to the conferences. (I actual have my factor of contact digital mail me the assistance from the conferences) frequently i do not bypass because its a gossip team, they purely help out their inner circle of associates and that really annoys me. One party of the completed gossip mill changed into my percentcalled me about 2 weeks in the past to inform me that very nearly 6 better halves were found pregnant and their infantrymen are not the daddy...i don't have time to play telephone. My adult adult males deployed, and that i don't believe of its top to call round purely to furnish human beings a foul call. Our FRG does a large number of fundraisers, they promote blankets, and t-shirts. One changed into they did a plasma/blood stress to help off set costs for the deployment ball. additionally they did one "better halves be the infantrymen day", were the better halves had to bypass in, positioned on each and each and every of the equipment, do a gaggle of the classes and also you had to pay to do it for the fundraiser. a large number of the adult adult males were given a kick out of it. It truly relies upon, i have heard some FRGs are sturdy, and some purely are not :P

Answer 7

If you choose to live away from post the info flow will not be as good - most FRG's try to get info out to spouses who live off post but it can be hard! Rember these are other spouses volunteering who's husbands are deployed too. The community/fellowship just isn't the same and when hubby's deployed you need that even more! If you choose to live off post you can still get info but will need to get involved with other organizations in your town or start them!! You CAN survive living on post away from family with small children - I've done it and so have many others. You need to decide with hubby which is more important being where he is, getting the support from the Rear D while he's gone, etc or staying with family.

It's hard when they are gone that long (hubby's done two extended tours - one 17month in Korea and one 15month in Iraq { BEFORE it was the norm - they were extended two days before heading home}) and in many ways it will be like starting over but that's ok - keeps your romance high! When hubby was first back from Korea our eldest daughter was 18months and she didn't know Daddy at first but it only took her like 1 day or so to come round! Don't fret to much about that he's young enough to be more resilant than you! I took pictures every month (before digital) and sent them to hubby. You just will have to make an extra effort with that and writing. For your son you can have a picture laminated for him to carry around or put Daddy's picture on a pillow/blankie for him. You and hubby should go through reintergration training and you will have arguments and some adjustment issues but you can do it!

Try to learn as much about the Army as you can while he's gone -- AFTB, etc. But "don't borrow trouble" while you can plan to be prepared but unless he actually has orders you need to enjoy today and build your life together now! One thing the military will teach you is not to get tied up in knots about what MIGHT happen but to roll with it when it does - not saying don't plan just don't over plan. If he doesn't have orders/the unit isn't slated to go in the next 6 months it is worth it to move to post and get settled where he is, imho, and have that settled/family experience BEFORE he leaves.

If you aren't involved in a church find one now/preferably together, or get involved with the chapel. Faith will get you through tough times more than anything else!

As far as the "other thought" I'm not sure if you are refering to just seeing other people in uniform or being notified if he's hurt/kia. Seeing others in uniform can actually be comforting if it's what you know - you are part of the family! Every Army wife has the thought in the back of her mind that hubby might not come home - it's part and parcel of the military. So you talk to hubby about what he would want if the worst happens, write it down, and move on. He could be killed walking down the street tomorrow. Life is to short to fret like that - plus being prepared with a list can actually be a comfort because you dont' have to wonder about "what if..." you've already discussed it and know how to proceed if the worst happens. In case you don't know - the notification process goes like this -- if hubby is hurt the rear detach will call and possibly send someone out to be with you (again if you live on post there is a care team to help you) and help with decisions. Those people would be in ACU's or wives. If he was KIA then the Chaplain, Rear Detach Commander or Seargent Major would be at your door in Class A's along with a Casualty Assistance Officer and the Care team until your family/friends could get there. You get to the point where you just have to shove it to the back of your mind and go on with life, figure that God is big enought to take care of him there too and don't be actively looking for someone.

Blessings.

Answer 8

Video tape his dad and let him watch it. Talk about his dad often so that he will have the basic concept and face to put the word to. You can join online support groups and can probably get help from the closest base to you.

Answer 9

short answer: NO. any information directly pertaining to the deployment can only be given out in person, NOT over the phone or in emails. additionally, certain areas of support are only available on military bases. while you would be able to utilize a local Commissary or exchange, you would NOT be allowed to use the base's CDC since your spouse is not stationed there, nor would you have priority access to medical care.

additionally, if there is no base nearby where you will be living, you lose out on a lot of things, not just what is mentioned above, but MWR and Family Support Group stuff. and you won;t have anybody around you who has been there, done that and can get you through it. sorry, but unless your parents or inlaws are militray themselves they CANNOT fully understand what it is like to go througha deployment.

Answer 10

Try this site.