I need good russian jokes to tell to a friend who is russian....hes killin me with jokes and i have nothin?

Question

help me please like names to call him or....anything really...hes just to quick at comebacks and he gets me every time!!!!

Answer 1

One American, one Japanese and Banta Singh were sitting naked in the sauna.

Suddenly there was a beeping sound. The American pressed his arm and the beep stopped. The others looked at him
questioningly. "That was my pager," he said. "I have a microchip under the skin of my arm."

A few minutes later a phone rang. The Japanese fellow lifted his palm to his ear and spoke briefly into it. When he finished he explained, "That was mobile phone. I have a microchip in my hand."

Banta Singh felt decidedly low-tech. So as not to be outdone, he decided he had to do something just as impressive. He stepped out of the sauna and went to the toilet. He returned with a piece of toilet paper hanging from his backside. The others raised their eyebrows...!

"Will you look at that," said Banta Singh. "I'm getting a fax!"

Answer 2

Ivan who lives in Moscow comes into some money and decides to buy a car. He goes to the car showroom and asks if he can order a car.

"I'm sorry sir." Says the salesman, "But there is a ten year waiting list."

"But I have cash." Protests Ivan.

"In that case sir I can have your car delivered a little earlier. It will be five years next Tuesday."

"But that's no good." Says Ivan. "The plumber's coming then!"

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Rudolph and Olga were two old Bolshevik peasants living out in the steppes where they had a little log cabin. One winter's evening they are sat by the fire trying to keep warm when Olga says:-

"Rudolph, I think it's starting to snow."

"No." Says Rudolph. "It's only a shower of rain."

"But it's so cold Rudolph." She cries, "It must be snow."

"No." He says. "It's be rain. Look I'll tell you what we'll do. We'll open the door and have a look."

They do so and find a shower of rain falling outside, rattling against the walls.

"There." He says, smiling triumphantly. "Rudolph the Red knows rain dear!"


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During all the political turmoil in the 1950's with Russia constantly invading other countries as it expanded the Soviet Union an old Hungarian woman, who lived not far from the border with Russia, was sitting in front of the fire trying to keep warm when a knock came at the door. Suddenly it burst open to reveal a Russian Captain and a group of soldiers.

"Hello old woman." He shouts. "I've come to tell you that the Hungarian uprising has been put down and this area is now part of Russia."

"Thank goodness." Says the old woman gratefully. "I don't think I could have stood another of those cold Hungarian winters!"

Answer 3

An old Jewish joke.

When 2 equals 3 or 4?
2 Jews equals 3 opinions or 4 political parties.

Answer 4

oh geez, the countless human beings!! lol i assumed it replaced into humorous and could in all likelihood share with my friends. it is not racist nor does it sound such as you dislike being Mexican. you do not could clarify your self to those human beings at right here!! thank you right here's a vast call