2007-10-12 07:49:55 · 45 answers · asked by Scott D 2 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Grade-Schooler
she lives with me at weekends, her mum during week, i am still on good terms with her mum even after 11 years apart.
2007-10-12 08:03:18 · update #1
Be honest with her - try to trust her (unless she gives you reason not to). Try to encourage her to bring her friends to yours (how ever hard it might be to share her). If they want to watch films that you think might not be appropriate, check with the friends parents as well. Stick to your morals and values - even if it's tough - she will be looking to you to keep boundaries - that way she will know you care (Even if she bucks against it - that's how she will test you).Don't be afraid to tell her you love her - respect her privacy. She needs to flex her wings, but also needs to know you care enough to stop her sometimes. It's not easy - it's hard for mums, but for dad's with daughters... So hard to let them grow up.
You sound like a really caring dad. If you are half the man my dad was you won't go far wrong, and neither will she. Best of luck to you. Be patient with the 'teenage tantrums' and the hurtful comments - they are all part of your daughter finding out who she is, who you are, and how it all fits together. I wish you happiness together.
2007-10-12 08:16:10 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'd make sure that you and her mother are on the same terms with what clothing is acceptable and which gifts each of you will take care of for her and which you both find inappropriate. Now's the time for the hair dyeing/birth control pills/piercings discussion so that when it comes up in a year, two, or if you're lucky, five, you both are on the same page and will have the answer for her. Make sure that her curfew is going to be consistent and that phone rules are the same, etc. It's good that you worry, but remember: the more you say no, the more she's going to resist. Make sure she knows you trust her to make good decisions and that you also have some boundaries that are set in stone. Ex: my brother and I never had a curfew because we were always home by the time agreed upon each time we went out. Neither one of us drank or did drugs, either. My parents made sure we knew the consequences and what they could do to your body, but they never "forbid" us from trying anything. Especially with drinking: if we did get into a situation we could call to get picked up, no questions asked, and if drinking we had to call. Neither of us had to use those options because we knew better than to try it. Just be open, honest, and let your daughter know you're there.
2007-10-12 09:01:55 · answer #2 · answered by Sit'nTeach'nNanny 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The fact you worry is good! It means you care, and your daughter is lucky indeed.
The best advice is to let your daughter grow without interfering, but be the "guide on the side" guiding her, and providing her with an example in your own behaviour. I suspect that whilst you had your daughter at a young age, your worry means you've probably been a great dad, and providing a good example is what you're already doing.
She has to find her place in the world, and you shouldn't interfere too much, just provide the love (even if it's tough love), and the refuge if something hurts. Be strong for you, and with her, and you'll both be OK.
Just note that she will probably stop telling you everything, relying on her friends more, and having secrets from you. That's perfectly normal, as she develops her own sense of self, her own relationships without you, and her identity - which will change constantly.
Good luck - and be strong.
2007-10-12 07:55:47 · answer #3 · answered by henryb7318 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You are justified in worrying. If you are married, then one of you should be at home when she leaves for school and comes home. Latch Key kids is a formula for disaster.
My wife and I took a gamble 13 years ago. We decided to get her into a hobby that she loved in the hopes that it would keep her out of trouble. We bought a horse and she began riding. It was an investment for the family and I am glad to say it payed off. She spent her spare time at the Barn with her horse, not sitting for hours on the phone, at the computer or at the Mall with friends. She is now 22 and in her last year of college and no significant problems. Also, you have to be a parent first and then a friend. It is easy to get the two mixed up. Good luck.
2007-10-12 07:56:58 · answer #4 · answered by Marv S 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Yes it's hard. My daughters are now 19 and 21 but I panicked terribly when they first hit their teens. I have a 9 year old son and I worry like mad about him because he's wanting to be more independant and it scares me.
Worrying is part of the territory I'm afraid. It comes with being a parent. My parents were so scared I wasn't allowed to do anything which wasn't good but with my kids I let them go off and do things on their own so long as I know they're safe and with other people I know.
My mum tells me the worrying never stops. I'm her baby (I'm 40!) but she worries about us all the time. You wouldn't be a proper parent if you didn't worry. My girls have left home and I worry about them constantly. You can't help it.
2007-10-12 07:58:32 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
I have a 12 yr old son, and I realize that if you raise them with good morals and values that they will have an easier time of saying no; whether it be to drugs, drinking, sex,etc. And spend as much time with her as you can, letting her know how special she is and that she can come to you and talk to you about anything and you can just be there to listen, or help if she needs some. Really I think that's all you can do. Just lead her in the right direction and pray for the best, put your trust in God and help her to do the same.
2007-10-12 07:58:40 · answer #6 · answered by Dazy 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First give her space. Remember space and freedom are different, I don't think 12 year olds need a lot of freedom, but space. Keep those communications line open, trust her. Talk to her about some of your problems, but make sure they are not problems, that are going to burden her. For example(I even do this with my 5 year old) talk to her about your day at work, how people drive you nuts, something funny that happened. That way she also feels free to talk to you about anything. I'm curious are you a single dad?
2007-10-12 07:57:54 · answer #7 · answered by proudmom 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
KEEP THE LINES OF COMMUNICATION OPEN! She's nearly a teenager and if she hasn't hit the rebelious stage, she will soon. It will be frustrating, but keep reassuring her in your own way that you love her, always will, you're there for her NO MATTER WHAT, and always will be.
Also, make sure you give her some freedom to grow up - within reason! If she can prove herself trustworthy, she can have more free rein, if not, she's on a short leash.
Does she have a cell? Maybe get her a Tracfone (or other prepaid cell) so you can always be in contact "just in case".
2007-10-12 07:56:44 · answer #8 · answered by Pagan Princess 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Stop worrying? If you did your part to instill some common sense and good character in your daughter, then you've done all you can, and worrying won't help a bit. All it'll do is stress you out and make you die sooner and end up with cardiovascular diseases. What then? She'll worry about you and she'll get sick. Just relax. If she's a good kid and you've been a good dad, there's no point to worrying.
2007-10-12 07:55:08 · answer #9 · answered by practical thinking 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is natural for parents to worry about their children. I am almost 35, and my folks still worry about me. You just have to learn and accept that your kids grow up, it's part of life. You will always be a parent, but you won't always be the caregiver. If you believe you have raised your daughter right, with good morals and self-respect, then you will be fine with her becoming a woman. If you don't think things are quite right, start now, and really build up a good relationship with her.
2007-10-12 07:54:59 · answer #10 · answered by notarycat 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋