Why do brides and grooms feel entitled to choose all of their gifts on gift registries?

Question

I am a woman who is invited, with my husband, to a lot of weddings for family, friends, neighbors, children of husband's old college roommates, etc.
I normally object to using wedding registries. I make an exception where the couple has registered for china or silverware (a register makes sense in that case), or is older and has almost everything they could want. I feel that the giver, not the recipient, chooses the gift.
I have been avidly reading on Yahoo Answers the opinions of brides and grooms, most of whom seem to very much feel entitled to choose all of their own wedding gifts.
One wedding registry answer advised other brides and grooms to choose very luxurious and expensive items for their registries on the theory that young couples cannot afford things like very expensive towels. My question is, most of these couples seem to be having "fairy tale" (read very expensive) weddings. Wouldn't it make sense to have a less expensive wedding and save some money for towels?

Answer 1

idk, we didn't use registries. We were mature, working people when we got married, and totally didn't even think of gifts, and surely wouldn't have dictated what we wanted. We were totally grateful for anything which our guests chose for us!
Our goal for the wedding day was for us to host a wonderful celebration for our guests!

Answer 2

I do agree with you on your last points about spending so much on the wedding that you can't help furnish your own home; that's ridiculous! Also about just registering for the most expensive gifts you can find is very tacky & selfish!

However, registries in and of themselves are really not so bad. Registries are there to help the givers not the recipients. They are for the gift-givers who truly want to give the couple something they will like, can use, and that matches their other things. Also they exist for givers who may not know the bride very well; they may be extended family who want to give a gift, but don't have a clue as to the couple's taste or needs. The couple is actually doing the gift-givers like this a favor by registering somewhere.

Of course, the gift itself is to be chosen by the giver. If a giver prefers to give money or a gift of their own choosing that is perfectly fine. However, most givers would rather spend $50 on something they know the couple will love, than to possibly give them something they already have 3 of, or just don't like and will never use.

Answer 3

My husband and I are young newly weds... we definitely decided to do gift registries that included the basics that would be nice to have to start our new home... from things like $10 picture frames to $300 kitchen-aid sets... my reason for doing it was mainly to give guests an idea of what we not only wanted, but what we NEEDED to start our home together. I did include a china set and crystal set, but according to the store worker, I chose a very conservative and inexpensive pattern (I dont believe in paying $50 for a plate that I will use once a year)... so I was very careful with planning my registries... Everything I added was stuff that I would be willing to pay for myself... I was not going to ask for a $200 knife set because I think that is rediculous... I definitely did not ask for very expensive things and would never do that.

I didn't recieve much from my registries, but I got several gift cards to those stores and other items that werent on the registries but were pretty much the same thing (like serving dishes, etc)... I was very happy with my gifts.

According to others, I seemed to be one of those brides who wasnt too greedy or spendy.

I've eve seen a registry with a flat screen TV! Get real!

Answer 4

You're missing the point. If you were going to bring a gift to a wedding or shower, wouldn't you prefer to spend your heard-earned money on something the couple actually wants? These registries aren't requirements, but they're great because they let you know what the couple wants. Why give someone a tan towel set, when they're bathroom is green?

I have always loved registries--it makes gift shopping SOOOOO easy, and now that I'm marrying, I couldn't wait to register. I really think it helps the guests.

Answer 5

I spend a lot of time in the Weddings section, and most of the posters recommend a variety of items in all price ranges. Also, just because they have a registry, does not mean they demand you buy from it. You are free to choose any gift you want to give them, or no gift at all. A lot of guests actually like registries because they dont know everything about the couple. Do they like cooking, or eat out a lot? What is their style as far as decorative items for their home? The answers to these questions are all very clear on a registry. So maybe you dont like registries. A lot of guests do. Just dont buy from the registry.

Answer 6

I happen to have a completely different take on registries - to me, they are a godsend, and a huge help when choosing a gift. Where I come from, there's no such custom, and it makes it very difficult to give wedding gifts, especially to couples you don't know very well. When I came to the US and learned about the registries, I thought it was the greatest thing since sliced bread!

Yes, ideally, the giver chooses the gift. But in today's world, it's more practical to get people something they REALLY want rather than something that you THINK they want, but they really don't. I don't think it's about "entitlement", I think it's simply a practical twist on the sentimental tradition. The usual advice on creating a registry is adding items in different price ranges - not only the very expensive ones. Those who choose to give the expensive gifts can do so, but there should be options for the less-expensive ones. It would be ridiculous for the registry to contain only the "very expensive towels" and such - but if the couple is selecting stuff from different price ranges, I don't see why they couldn't put these towels on there if they really wanted.

Answer 7

I see your point about wanting to choose a gift. However, the registry helps couples get gifts that they actually need instead of 5 tea kettles, 4 toasters, and 50 picture frames. For most people I know who have registered, it's more out of a sense of practicality rather than entitlement - and it's not just for people who have lavish weddings. If people are registering for ridiculously expensive or luxurious items, then I agree with you that it's obnoxious. But most of the real people I know in person (not from Yahoo!) register for practical everyday things like cookware and lawn tools.

My fiance and I aren't registering, though. We're a little older than average (in our 30's) and we already have too much stuff!

Answer 8

The point of a registry is to make sure that you don't end up with duplicate gifts and also to make sure that you end up with things that match.

In our case, people who got us things that weren't on the registry ended up duplicating gifts. We ended up getting three crock pots, and we already had one (which was why we didn't register for one in the first place.) Only two had gift receipts, so now we have two crockpots but none of the bed sheets we needed.

One of my coworkers got married back when people only registered for china and silver. Popcorn poppers were big that year, and she and her husband got THIRTEEN popcorn poppers as wedding gifts.

My parents paid for my wedding (and I made sure it was nothing too extravagent), so the idea of "saving some money" on our wedding to use for towels or bed sheets wouldn't have worked. My husband and I don't have a lot of money (he's still in school), so our registry was VERY helpful to us in setting up our home. Our registry had items that ranged from $4 (seriously) to $200, so there was something in everyone's price range.

If you CHOOSE to buy a gift for someone, don't throw a fit because they asked for things they wanted rather than what you would have wanted. Buying a crystal dish for a couple that eats all of their food off of plastic plates might seem like a nice idea... as long as you're comfortable with the fact that the dish will never see the light of day. If you're offended by registries, cash is always a nice idea, but imposing your tastes on someone else buy giving them a gift YOU like doesn't always work out like you might have hoped.

Answer 9

They just feel as though they are going to get gifts anyway might as well get the gifts they want. If you are going to spend $100 on a gift why get them $50 in towels they aren't crazy about and $50 blender they don't like. They would just prefer to have what they want. Also registries make it easier on the fact that there are no double gifts, if they don't like it they don't have to go and return it. This just makes it a lot easier. You are not obligated to buy from the registry but it is a guide to the things the couple wants and needs so it is there if you wish to use it. I can register for a $10,000 hamper doesn't mean someone will buy it for me. But couples know that they may have family member who want to buy them a more expensive gift so they register for more expensive items. But they should also put more reasonably price items on there so others can benefit from buying off the registry. Good luck!

Answer 10

The purpose of a registry is so a couple can recieve gifts they actually need or want and also so that a couple doesn't recieve 15 toasters from different guests. Expesially if you are having a lot of people at the wedding guest wont buy the same items for the couple. There should be plenty of things that are enxpensive on a regestry so guest can spend as little or as much as they want to spend.

Answer 11

Gift registries are not about entitlements, but about taste. Since they're the ones who will be living with and using the presents the couple simply says what they would like or suggest. The giver ALWAYS chooses the gift. Very expensive gifts are seldom the best or most practical, most of these will be packed away to tarnish or only brought out for special occasions. Modern ostentation and excess is atrocious, showing the worst of taste and substituting "things" for love. It should be discouraged from the get-go.