Is my mum emotionally needy? what to do?

Question

I had a talk with my aunt and she told me that my mum is emotionally needy which I feel so too.

I'm 16 but never had a sleepover because my mum doesn't allow me too,fearing that I would be raped or tortured by my friends. When I told her that I am invited to an all-girls-only sleepover( no fathers,brother, no male basically),she forbid me to do so because she thinks it's unneccessary.

She also forbid me to go swimming with my friends (in a pool) becasue she thinks I'll drown. She only allows me to swim if she comes along. It's so embarrassing because I'm the odd one out. All of friends don't have their mums tagging along when they're swimming. Furthermore, she doesn't know how to swim but she insists on coming because she thinks that she can save me if I'm drowning by IMMEDIATELY shouting for help.

In addition, she goes about every other day,asking whether I love her. It's driving me nuts!

Recently,she doesn't want me to go college because she's afraid of loosing me.

Another reason for her not wating me to go college is that she is afraid that I will not cope with a part-time job and studying simutaneously or that I may not earn enough and ultimately, starve to death.

By the way, she wants to live with me in future when i get married.

Answer 1

Your mom definitely has a problem. Look at the criteria for need personality disorder at

http://qna.live.com/ShowQuestion.aspx?qid=648B47C216BB4848931558745D3454FB

If you can determine the cause of her behaviour, you can work on a solution. Good Luck !

Answer 2

Wow. Man, this is going to be a hard one, no single good piece of advice is going to really set you strait. A good start is understanding WHY. She acts that way. I could correnspond with you thru this, thats about the only way I can really help. Mostly because I need you to talk to that aunt a little more about your moms upbring. Really its not so much emotional neediness, this runs much, much, much deeper. The love thing would definetly be, but there is alot more here. Sense most people don't care for correspondence I'll try my best to explain some stuff to you. In are personal development one of the biggest hurdles we most over come are our fears. We all do this in certian ways, some general and some specficlly are own. Your mom here has descided (she actually has EXTREME abandoment issues) that since she cares so much about you, she's going to do EVERYTHING in her power to keep you from leaving, weather by choice or not. Your only real defense against this is
1. Explaining to her how she's going to hurt your own life development, Althou life development in our society is dysfunctional, this goes against its grain.
2. That the fact is you love her beyond anyone else and the idea that you could ever forget or forsake her isn't even an option.
3. Get into daily rituals, sort of like the love thing, tell each other each night, talk deeply about your feelings both good and bad, and relate the best you can.

Really those are all general ways, the truth is always much more complicated, again your real best bet is to understand her, and the only way for that is to get to know her story. How did she become this lady, thats the question you need to answer. You'll know you know the truth when it all makes sense. As long as it doesn't, you havn't dug deep enough. I could help, but thats your choice, good luck.

Answer 3

You can't change her.

You might see if she's willing to see a therapist, but that's unlikely.

Fortunately, in 2 years you can move out on your own. You don't have to do what she wants then.