Did I do the right thing ?

Question

I was in ikea with my 2 year old daughter earlier today and she started having a tantrum by the till because I wouldn't buy her chocolates. The lady in the queue in front of me turned and said to her friend "What a spoilt brat" I told her to mind her own business and the reason my daughter was crying was because I didn't give into her demands not because she's spoilt. I'm normally not rude and I would never answer someone back (I haven't got the guts) did I do the right thing and defend myself ?

What do you think ?

Answer 1

I don't blame you for saying what you did. Well done for not giving in to your child's tantrum. They all have them and it's easy to give in for a quiet life! That woman was extremely rude for calling your child a spoilt brat, she should have apologised to you for what she said.

Answer 2

You did the right thing - both by not giving in, and by telling the ignorant woman to mind her own business. ALL toddlers have tantrums every now and then, and I'll bet that woman has never spent more than a day around young children. Otherwise, she would have known better. Good for you for speaking up, and for not allowing your daughter to get her way.

Answer 3

I am sure that your daughter is neither spoil nor a brat.

There could have been (there wasnt) lots of reasons for your daughter crying/shouting and it was very wrong for the woman to make a critical comment.

Good for you defending your daughter.

next time your daughter is behaving well buy her some chocolates for both of you.

Frankly when I see kids having tantrums in a shop I think "I only wish I could too".

Answer 4

I'd first like to start off saying that I absolutely love IKEA!
But, yes you had a right, shes your daughter and they should mind their own business. When it comes to kids, parents become more defensive, which I think is a plus.

If you need tips or advice about anything go to www.parents.com
I go there all the time.


And your daughter isn't spoiled shes just misbehaving. And it happens to everyone, so don't worry about it.

Answer 5

You were perfectly within your rights to defend it as your own business and none of hers.

However, when my sister decided to have a tantrum at about the same age, lying on the floor, kicking, crying and screaming, my father said, "If you want to cry, I'll give you something to cry about." After a brief spanking, which gave her a reason to cry, she calmed down and never had a tantrum again. When a tantrum is immediately treated with a quick spanking, a child soon learns that tantrums not only do not get them what they want, they get something they don't want.

I think that allowing tantrums, even though you do not let the child get their way, teaches them that they can be annoying to everyone and no one will stop them. It is more abusive to let them get away with it than to give them a spanking. And that is a couple of open-handed swats on the bum to get their attention, not a beating. The child quickly learns that they will not get what they want and that they get something they don't want, when having a tantrum.

Good behaviour needs positive reinforcement and bad behaviour needs a negative reaction.

Answer 6

I think the situation put you under stress and you reacted quite normally. Of course you are going to stand up for your daughter and I'm with you on the not giving in on the chocolates. I would suggest that the "lady" (I don't think so) in front would have been better to express her opinion in privacy if she had to express an opinion at all. It could also be suggested that it was she who was rude rather than yourself. Most of all though shops who have chocolate by the till to force parents into buying unwanted items to keep their child quiet need boycotting.

Answer 7

You did not owe the rude lady an explanation, but, because you gave her one shows that you do now want your daughter to grow up to be a spoiled rude brat like her. People now think they can say whatever they want to whoever they want. I remember when my son was very small some lady in line at the store said, "Ew what's wrong with him?" He had his oxygen on and he was all taped up and weighed only about 6 lbs. and his head was big and his body very tiny he had down syndrome and was waiting for his first heart surgery he had to get to 10 lbs. I looked at her and I said, "HE has Down Syndrome, what's your excuse?" and we walked out her jaw just about hit the floor I thought it was funny! So I think you did the right thing!

Answer 8

You COULD have said "No ma'am, my child is NOT a spoiled brat" OR just don't respond to her at all and act like you didn't even hear her and don't give her the pleasure. I probably would've said something too. As far as it being the "right thing", you probably were fairly right... but you could've dissfused it a little differently. Just keep pushing, training your daughter with morals and good behavior. The world is filled with kids who grow up without proper training which will help them in adulthood.

Answer 9

I think you're on the right track. I think the mind your own business thing was a bit rude to say but so was her comment. Your response to her was right. Your daughter is only two but it's time to start setting limits. Parents need to tell their children that they are NOT going to buy candy or whatever at the checkout line so if your child starts whinning tell them that they are not coming to the store the next time.

In all honesty my parents ALWAYS.....ALWAYS let me buy candy!!! My dad tells stories of me asking for money so I could go to the local store I was maybe 7!!! My dad thought it was cute!!! My parents liked that they could afford to buy me a candy bar. I'm not saying you may not be able to buy candy for your child. You need to think about what line you're drawing. I'm not for giving in all the time to a child. It's hard to know what to do. I really can't see myself telling my child NO when they ask for a roll of Rollo's. If they start asking for the cheap plastic crap toys at that I'll put my foot down but Rollos are no big deal to me. I guess I'm just strange.

Since your child is whinning at the candy & as you said "having a tantrum" that tells you that you need to work with her on her behavior. I know, she's only 2 but this is where it starts. If she starts having tantrums in public you need to explain to her that is not the way she should behave, pick her up, leave the cart & drive home. Hopefully as she gets older she will stop that behavior.

Another way to deal with it is to give your child an allowance-I know 2 is young but you can start. Let your daughter-as she gets older earn money by doing chores around the house. Make sure there are chores she has to do that she doesn't get paid for. Let your daughter take her own money to the store & buy a treat. She'll learn the value of money & working for it.

Answer 10

Turns out you DO have the guts!
You absolutely did 2 right things: managed a tantrum and defended your right to discipline your child as you saw fit.