Okay, this house used to be her mother's, who smoked and then died in June. So they would sit in the kitchen and smoke together. Now that she has passed away we are renting the house from his grandpa. My boyfriend's mom comes over all the time to go through her moms stuff and lights up cigarette after cigarette. It's not just a couple, it's like over 10!!!
She even brings the cigarettes in the bathroom and smokes in there and you cant use it for more than an hour to let it air out. She knows that both me and her son don't smoke and she knows how we feel about it. But she does it anyway!
I don't want to ask her myself but I think I'm getting to the point where I'm going to have to say something. I'm kind of shy and she gets really really defensive if anyone says anything about her cigarettes. Ive seen it happen. But I'm worried about our health, and thats more important.
What should I say to her? And how can I go about saying it so it doesn't hurt her feelings?
2007-10-12 04:29:08 · 33 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
We don't have any children. Im just 22 and waiting until we get married. We have been together 4 1/2 years though, im starting to think its not gonna happen...anyway!
She even smoked around her kids when they were babies and she smoked with them in the womb. Same with her husband. He comes in here and smokes too!!!
2007-10-12 04:50:58 · update #1
Oh yeah! And on top of it, my bf has asthma. We came home once and his mom was here and his doctor told him not to be around cigarette smoke and he told her and all she said was "interesting" and lit one up.
2007-10-12 04:54:22 · update #2
why dont you get some no smoking signs and put them on the front and back door and remove any ashtrays, if that doesnt work just tell her politely that you would prefer it if she didnt smoke in the house
2007-10-12 04:33:02 · answer #1 · answered by lou 7 · 3⤊ 0⤋
A difficult one.
If she already knows how you feel about then you can skip the problem of having to tell her.
Why not open the windows as much as you can.
Go out when she comes and tell her that it makes you feel sick.
Why can't your boyfriend say something. It is his Mum after all.
If you are renting the house, then it is yours for the time you are renting.
p.s. Start painting the ceiling of the kitchen white. The old part will look really brown. Tell that when you have finished decorating there won't be any smoking, but you will lend her an umbrella!
Do you have a shed or a garage that you could put a chair and little table in? Tell her you have a "No Smoking" rule in the house because you think that you MIGHT be pregnant. but that you know she likes to smoke but she will have to go out to the 'new smoking room'.
Can't think of anything else.
I'm sure someone will come up with a satisfactory solution.
Maybe she'll even read these!
2007-10-12 04:38:54 · answer #2 · answered by annie 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I'm sure your sincere in worrying about her health but in order for her to make that type of change in her life it has to be because she is ready. There is nothing you can say or do (legally) to make her stop for her own good.
She sounds like she is a very insecure person that's why she is so defensive. The problem that you are facing is that if you upset her, your relationship may get worse and never recover. If your boyfriend steps up then the worse thing that will probably happen is that she'll be upset for a day or two, but she will get over it because that's her own flesh and blood (for now you may just be "the girlfriend").
Why don't you try one of those signs that you hang outside of the front door LAYING DOWN THE LAW (in a very polite and courteous manner) that way your new rule seems like more of a general statement and not a personal shot at the old bat. J/K =) If after all that she still continues to challenge you and make no mistake she is challenging you (and winning I might add) then you may consider not answering the door.
2007-10-12 05:00:00 · answer #3 · answered by Dante 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
She feels it's still her mothers house and she can do what she wants. You need to be firm and let her know that you are living thier now and there are new rules, Without being rude. Tell her there is no smoking OR lite smoking. If you are renting the house then you have a huge say in what happenes.
2007-10-12 04:33:04 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋
Be very polite and tell her that you guys are trying to get the years of smoking smell out of the house and that the smoke really bothers you. If she gets defensive let her..why should you be disrespected? What she is doing is very rude and is totally in the wrong. I am a smoker, but I am very considerate of those who don't smoke. I would never smoke in someone else's home.
2007-10-12 04:35:56 · answer #5 · answered by Paula D 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Actions speak louder than words, open windows, use fans while she is there. If she asks or objects, just say it takes so long to get the smell out of the house, you want to get a head start on it. If it is cold, even better, just wear a sweater like it doesn't bother you! Light those smokers candles, all over the house, & put one next to her. Offer to help move her moms stuff for her, is there a garage? Her son needs to do these first & you can help him, but she needs to see him doing it, & hear it from him.
Hurt feelings heal, your lungs rarely do...
2007-10-12 04:40:49 · answer #6 · answered by fairly smart 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Firstly U have yr hubby stick to smoke what does she has.
Doesn't matter ! why she need to smoke that is the answer.
If she love her grand children make to children cough in front of her and they cannot continue with their conversation. She will lesser her smoke.
Secondly , if she is strong enough and health enough let her bring the grand children to the poly clinic for consultation that waitng time will kill her . Then she will realise the issue.
2007-10-12 04:59:36 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your boyfriend should be the one to talk to her about it. If she's not willing to not smoke in the house then I would tell her that if she continues to smoke in the house, you are going to move and rent from someone else. She would probably rather have you renting the house than someone who she couldn't be sure would take good care of it. But you would have to really be willing to look for another place, because she might call your bluff.
2007-10-12 04:36:04 · answer #8 · answered by kat 7 · 1⤊ 1⤋
You need to really say something 'as second hand smoke kills.I know about 3 people that have gotten cancer and died behind second hand smoke; as they never smoked a day in their life.Tell her the doctor said she can smoke in there ; or wash the walls and tell her if she wants to smoke please smoke out doors,,If she doesn;t care of her health ok; but you and him don;t smoke ; and shouldn;t have to be around it ever.Lots of luck.,.,
2007-10-12 04:40:32 · answer #9 · answered by Cami lives 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Talk it over with your boyfriend. Tell him how much this is bothering you. Hopefully, since he is a non smoker, he will side with you and you can ask her not to smoke when she comes over. If not, maybe moving somewhere else(either with or without your bf) will give you the freedom you need.(I lost 3 family members to cancer, and am a non smoker. I don't let anyone smoke in my room^_^)
2007-10-12 04:35:56 · answer #10 · answered by ralahinn1 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋