So I met this guy who was from Colorado,we got enaged,then he moved to NJ from Colorado to be with me.We had the whole wedding planned,everything booked,the whole deal.Then he tells me that he is having thoughts of not wanting to live in Jersey anymore.I have a son from a previous marriage so he already knew that there really wasnt anyway that I could move out of state.So he decides to take a couple of days to think about everything,and then he would let me know if he is going to stay or not.He left me hanging on by a string wondering if he was going to stay or not,then finally tells me that he is going to stay.Tells me that he sent out the wedding invitaions and all.Then a few days later he says he is at work,come to find out he was packing all his stuff and driving back to Colorado.I found out that he applied for a job out there while he was here and I had no idea that we was even thinking of leaving at that time.Then he begged for me back after he left!! Am I wrong for saying NO!?
2007-10-12 03:27:26 · 15 answers · asked by D G 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
You should have said NO. Relationships need to be stable and he is not.
2007-10-12 03:35:05 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you two are meant to be together, it will happen. If not, better you find out now than after a wedding and messy divorce.
You said you have a child from a previous marriage, and that is why you couldn't move. Why not? Unless it has something to do with custody where you and your ex have a court order stating you have to live in the same school district, etc. I see no reason why you could not move out of state if that is where your life took you. :)
Either way, it sounds like he decided not to marry you, and you 'll be better off in the long run.
2007-10-12 10:50:19 · answer #2 · answered by Asked and Answered 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You were definitely right to say no.
1. A guy with so much fickleness about "should I stay or should I go" is not into you enough to be in a relationship with.
2. He secretly decided to apply for a job in CO and move there, WITH DISCUSSING IT WITH YOU FIRST!!! What kind of a husband would do that?!! People in committed relationships discuss major life decisions with each other and decide TOGETHER.
Say goodbye to Mr. Fickle, and don't look back!
2007-10-12 11:57:34 · answer #3 · answered by Ms. X 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm sorry to hear about this.
This is a difficult one to answer because it seems that he got second thoughts about the whole thing. Relocating, changing jobs and getting married are all big steps and not for the faint of heart.
It's his prerrogative to change his mind, but the way he handled things is cowardly at best. Sure, no one wants confrontation and the drama, but his sneaky ways are what is most upsetting.
My recommendation would be to let him be to figure out once and for all what he wants. It may be not you and you have to be prepared for that. He has to figure things out on his own. I'm sure that he cares about you and all but he's simply not ready as you are. It's scarry to leave home and everything that one knows behind for a life of uncertainty. This is human nature, he is freaking out because you have the path figured out and he doesn't. Perhaps he's scared to be sucked in to something that he's not prepared at the moment.
It's better that this situaion arouse now and not later. I know that is no consolation, but it could bring you come comfort.
Good luck
2007-10-12 10:38:34 · answer #4 · answered by Blunt 7 · 1⤊ 1⤋
No, you're not wrong for saying no. You're only protecting your best interests and those of your son. He's begging you back because he doesn't have anyone else. If he had true feelings for you, he wouldn't have moved all the way across the U.S. without at least talking to you about it first. If he loved you he wouldn't have had you send out the wedding invitations knowing he wasn't sure how he felt.
2007-10-12 10:45:31 · answer #5 · answered by Jasmine808 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
no your not wrong at all. you cant have that in your life specially with a son. i dont kno if the reason you cant move is because your sons father is there and everything. but if thats the case your son comes first and you are completely right. he doesnt deserve you, if he wanted to be with u that bad he wouldnt have left and lied to u practically
good for you
2007-10-12 10:37:47 · answer #6 · answered by bballbabe725 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
this man is playing wayy to many emotional games! he seems very insecure and unsure of what he wants. how can he up and leave across the country after he sent out invites, do not take this loser back, u dont need his drama u deserve better. someone who will not make u beg for them back etc.
2007-10-12 10:38:43 · answer #7 · answered by spadezgurl22 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
No, you aren't wrong. He is not in a good place to make a lifetime committment to someone else. He isn't stable enough for that. It's best you were able to make a clean break. Time to move on.
2007-10-12 10:34:11 · answer #8 · answered by melouofs 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
No, you're not wrong. You need someone stable for both you and your son. Just be glad this happened before and not after the wedding.
2007-10-12 10:49:22 · answer #9 · answered by Mrs. Smith 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
NO!!!! You dont need a guy like that in your or your sons life. This one event of him just up and leaving could screw your son up, so dont give him the chance to do it again!
2007-10-12 10:48:15 · answer #10 · answered by Lale 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋