My cousin was shot and killed and the perp has still not been caught. His fiance has already moved on!!!?

Question

My cousin who was like a brother to me was murdered 3 months ago. His childhood love, the mother of his 12 year old son, his fiance has already moved on. i'm angry, furious and hurt about her speedy process. Am I wrong for feeling this way? Should I confront her like a mature adult(she's sneaking)? Help I have so many emotions....

Answer 1

Honey, I am very sorry to hear about your cousin. As for his girlfriend, remember we all have different ways of helping us through a crisis. I am sure she is NOT over this. She has just found away to deal with it at the present time. There is no need to be so angry with her. She is an adult, and will deal with this her own way. The big question would be to ask yourself if their relationship was good when he was alive, maybe she was already to move on even before his passing. You just really can't waste your time or energy with what she is doing. I understand that it is very hard. But you really don't have enough facts to make any type of judgment call here. God bless and I wish you the best.

Answer 2

I am sorry that your cousin was murdered and I am sorry that you are grieving, however, confronting her like that is not the act of a mature adult. Please realize that all people handle death and grief in their own way and that we all have different time-lines for grieving. She may have appeared to move on but she may also still be grieving. Just maybe not in a way that you are. You need to seek grief counseling for yourself. Be happy for her. Just because she has found a new love does not mean that she is sneaking.

Answer 3

As frustrating as this may be to you, and I do feel your pain, you should just let sleeping dogs lye. If this is how she wants to be and pursue with her life, then let her. You never know she may just be doing this out of pain/hurt. This may appear to be childish/insane/hurtful to you and outsiders, but this may be the only way she knows of how to deal with her grief/loss. I feel like you you should give your self more time to deal with your unfortunate loss and worry only about you. I would only say something if she comes to you for advice or cheap talk, then confront her as an adult in an adult manner and let her know how this affects you and go from there. Sorry about your loss. Good Luck and keep your head up.

Answer 4

You must remember that you most likely weren't there every day to see and hear every fight and argument so you don't know how much she really loved him and maybe she is angry that he is gone and doesn't know how to deal with the pain there is probably an outside influence there also just let her know that you care for her and feel she may be moving a little to fast but don't confront her and push her away.

Answer 5

Wow. I don't blame you at all for feeling this way. I would be extremely upset as well. I guess it wouldn't hurt to talk to her about the way that you feel. You may end up finding out that inside she is dying and she is trying to put on this front that she is fine so that she herself will believe it. Everyone has a different way of dealing with their pain. I hope this helps. I am very sorry for your loss. Good luck.

Answer 6

I'm sorry about your cousin. It is hard to lose a family member to murder.

She isn't sneaking very well if you know about it. Maybe she was sneaking before your cousin died? There isn't a whole lot you can do about her. But, we are to go to the ones who offend us and tell them how we feel. (Whether she listens or not is up to her, but you will feel better.)

My husband adds, "Tell her how you feel, but don't get angry while talking to her."

Also, support your 12 year old cousin, because he is family.

Best of luck to you.

Answer 7

my heart goes out to all of you, she as probably not come to terms with her loss and could be in denial. she could be feeling very lonely hence why shes found someone to console her because quite often people will avoid that person as they don't know how to be around them.
your not wrong in feeling this way at all but shes now become a single parent, let her know your there for her and her son, but you are dealing with a strong emotion called grief we all deal with it in different ways and whilst it may not be your way its probably how she copes. go see her by all means but try not to be confrontational it ll get no good results

Answer 8

You are focusing your anger and grief on the wrong person. After 3 months its unlikely they will ever catch who killed your cousin. Is she suppose to stop her life because he's dead? You aren't being reasonable. Life is for the living and she has a child to consider. You need counseling to properly focus your anger on the person responsible for this tragedy, the person who murdered your cousin and to help you grieve properly. I'm sorry for your loss.

Answer 9

this happened with my mother. this is very common when people lose their special someone. i don't think you should confront her. let her know how you feel but don't push her away. you should feel hurt you lost a close family memeber. but put yourself if her shoes, she lost the love of her life, then man she probably thought she would spend forever with, and on top of that her son's father. she's going through so much right now, she needs you now more than ever!
good luck!

Answer 10

It's best that she does move on, especially for the sake of her son. She needs to get life back to whatever sense of normalcy she can. Please give her a break. It's time you moved on as well. Sure you'll grieve for a while longer, but would your cousin want you behaving this way, or making life difficult for her? Think about it.