Did your fiance/husband...?

Question

ask your father(or other significant male) for your hand in marriage??

Do you think it's an old tradition that should be forgotten or do you believe more people should go back to doing it that way?

Thoughts and opinions?!?!?!

Answer 1

My fiancee asked my mom & dad for their blessing, not my hand!. He took them both out to lunch while my girlfriend took me shopping (I didn't know) it was good becuase he, of course, knew that he had their permission (we have been together for 5 years) but it gave my parents the oppurtunity to ask him questions about the future (finances, religion, etc) I think it shows respect to the parents

Answer 2

I personally don't like the tradition; I think it's sexist and insulting. My fiance agrees 100%. I know that the intention behind it is to show respect, but I think that it is misguided and way out of date. To those of you saying that it's a sign of politeness, I have to respectfully disagree. My fiance is an extremely nice and polite man. He just sees me as his equal and not a child who needs permission to live her life. And he has the utmost respect for my mother (he never met my beloved Dad who passed away before I met my fiance.)

The idea of asking for the bride's hand in marriage is basically treating a grown woman as if she were a child. If someone is old enough to get married, she does not need anyone's permission to do so. The tradition originated when women could not be independent and went straight from their parents' home to their husband's home. Now, most women live independently for some time before marriage. Also, the idea of asking "the father (or other significant male)" is disrespectful to the bride's mother, who is just as important a person as the father. I feel the same way about the tradition of the father 'giving the bride away'. Seriously insulting - I am not something to be 'given away' or a child who need permission to make my decisions. I'm an independent, 30-year old professional perfectly capable of making my own life choices.

I'll only change my mind about this if it becomes customary for the bride to ask the groom's mother for his hand in marriage! :-)

By the way: 'feminism' isn't an ugly word. It's simply the idea that women should have equal legal, political, and social rights as men.

ok ... curious to see how many thumbs down this gets! lol!

Answer 3

My fiance didn't ask my dad... he merely had a chat with him, letting him know his intentions, and the fact that he was going to marry me and start a life with me and my 2 yr old. My dad respected that he said all that, and I'm glad my fiance didn't ask. I have been on my own for years and have unfortunately been divorced, so i don't feel like my significant other should have to ask permission to marry me. It's our decision- and yes, this tradition of doing so came from fathers only allowing their daughters to marry the most handsome, intelligent, etc. type of man to keep bloodlines of a "higher" level than "others". But TIMES HAVE CHANGED. The chivalry of it is still a nice thought, though. What works for one couple, doesn't always fit another- that doesn't make it right or wrong!

Answer 4

I do not have a father figure of any sort... no grandfather, uncle or brother either.

So this was never an issue. But since I was 33 when I got married, I think it would have been a slap in the face considering the fact that I am an adult, with a career and had my own place before we got together. I don't need my parent's permission. I am an adult.

And can you imagine if dad says no?!? Did you see that episode of Everybody Loves Raymond when Robert asked Amy's dad? That was funny, but I felt so bad for Robert.

Answer 5

Yes, my fiance actually asked both of my parents. I like the idea of the keeping tradition, but if the two are already living together, I don't really think it would be necessary to ask the father and/or mother for her hand, because living together outside of marriage is "nontraditional", so why be traditional about anything else? Call me old fashioned, but that's just what I think. :-)

Answer 6

I think it is a great gesture and the father appreciates it. My fiance asked my dad for my hand in marriage. He was so happy and excited that he thought of him. I think more people should do it for its tradition.

Answer 7

My husband did.

I can see how a 40 year old woman would not want her father asked on principles, but its nice when a young woman's (I was 20 when I got engaged) father is asked.
Honestly, I think its just a matter of showing respect to the father. If he said no, would it really matter, probably not, the wedding would still go on without the blessing, but I think every father likes to be shown the respect of being asked for this certain permission.
I also have 2 sisters 1 BIL did ask, and one did not, I know my father was a little hurt to not be asked, but I think he understood that my sister is very independant and looked at the ritual as very old fashioned, as if she was a piece of property belonging to my father. So when her husband brought up the subject of asking she nixed it immediately and told him that if he wanted and answer of whether he could marry her he better damn well be asking her.

I hope that when my girls are marrying age though, that their mates ask for my husbands permission. I think its a nice moment for a father and a new son-in-law to share.

Answer 8

My father lives in a different state, and we don't talk much. There maybe alot of people who have the same issue, so in regards to the question I don't care for the traditional way of things, it's a new era.

Answer 9

My fiance asked my dad and I do have to say I like it that way, however with the tradition it would depend on the age of the woman and if thats what they want.

Answer 10

I asked my fiancee's grandfather in 1960. We were married the following year. Meanwhile, we had a family of 2 boys and 4 girls. They didn't ask, and I didn;t mind. It's thier life, and they were all adults, when they got married. This tradition should be used by anyone not at the age of consent. Once you are on your own as an adult, It's not needed. Us, 47 years, and counting.