My sister (who is 18) is living with a guy we all dislike. He is 11 years older than her, tattoos all over his body, peircings on his face and nipples! My parents are doctors, most of our fam members are professionals. This man is nice and all but has criminal records in the past. He is 29, has a GED and is still working on associates degree. No permanent job either. She used to live with my husband and i before she turned 18 for 6months. And my husband wants her to find a good quality man. So now everytime my sister is over (at our house), my husband doesnt want being around her anymore because he said he is constantly reminded of my sisters stupidity and he doesnt like it. i feel the same way but she IS my sister! so now i feel like i cant even have all three of us together! i dont know what to do now!
2007-10-12 02:56:30 · 11 answers · asked by switbaby9 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
If I let my sister do what she is doing, she is going to end up pregnant, living in a trailer park and i have to watch her suffer. So please, dont tell me to just back off because I am not going to live the rest of my life blaming myself that I didnt do anything!
2007-10-12 03:28:43 · update #1
The thing is that it really doesn't matter what you want. Believe me, I know it's hard to watch a loved one make that kind of mistake in life. I've seen my own sister do it. But my only choice was to cut her out of my life because she didn't want to follow my rules or love her and be there to help her pick up the pieces. Life decisions, even bad ones, are usually recoverable.
All you can do is let her know what you're seeing from the outside of the relationship and then you have to shut up and let her make her own decision. If you don't you'll drive her away and she'll have no one to help her if you turn out to be right.
You also stand the chance of this guy being the right guy for her against all odds. There's another story in my family about my grandmother passing up a local rancher with a good name and marrying an itinerant farm worker/railroad man/coal miner. The family thought she was a fool and her sister ended up married to the man. In her last years their mother, my great grandmother, said she'd come to learn after seeing years of drunken abuse her younger daughter lived through that maybe my grandmother was right and the rest of the family were the fools. So you never know how things will turn out in the end.
2007-10-12 07:10:02 · answer #1 · answered by Critter 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Even if your husband consider her as your own child, he still have to let her grow up and make her own mistakes.
He can't make all her decisions for her.
Ok, maybe he thinks that she deserve and could have done a lot better, like most parents do, he needs to back off as all he will achieve is to push her right into the arms of this guy.
I'm not quite up to date with all the GED. But, someone can be judged based on their job and their family roots or possessions.
He probably made some mistakes as most of us and if he likes peircing and she happens to like them then, what can you do?
Tell your husband to back off.
2007-10-12 03:04:18 · answer #2 · answered by Kc 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If a family member came and told you that your husband was no good for you would you listen? Don't you think she knows the truth really? She was raised in the same home as you. As a mother myself and when my daughter was going to marry this guy, she wanted me to like him. I didn't! I did not think he was good enough for her. I told her that it was not up to me to like the man she chose to love, but up to her because she was the one that had to live the rest of her life with him. I expressed what I did not like in this man and told her what she may be getting into and that is all I could do. She has to choose her own life and whom she wants to spend it with. Sometimes they learn the hard way and all we can do is stand by and help them pick up the pieces.
I am sure you have expressed yourself to her and so has your husband but her life is her own to do with what she pleases, just like yours was. This is all you can do as her sister! You do not want to distance her and piss her off so that she only gets closer to this guy. Please tell your husband that this is what he is doing!
She has to learn about this on her own and she will and maybe the hard way. All you can do is watch and pray that she will see the light and try to get along with this character as well or you can distance yourself from them both and make her feel that she has no one to turn to when she made need someone someday.
Your husband and you do not really know what they may be like alone together.. You cannot judge this guy by his looks alone. There must be something about him that she cares for. IF he really loves her then he should try to do the right thing by her and if he doesn't then it will not last anyway. I would stress to her to make sure she does not get pregnant.
You can ask her if this is the guy that she wants to have her children with because that can certainly happen sometime. Ask her does she think he will be a good provider? Tell her that she has to think about things like this when she chooses to live with a man and at that point it will not just be her life any more but her childs life too and ask her if she thinks this man would be a good father. Nothing any of you do or say is going to change her mind. It is only going to make her get closer to him and distance herself from you. So be very careful in what you do or say.
2007-10-12 04:25:51 · answer #3 · answered by craft painter 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You and your husband are not her parents and this is none of your business. She's an adult and her life choices are hers. This sounds like a man who is trying to improve himself, how dare you think you are better than he is. Obviously since you know so much about him, he's not trying to hide anything. No where in your question do you say that he is hurting her in any way. Knock off the holier than thou attitude, you aren't by any stretch.
2007-10-12 03:23:58 · answer #4 · answered by tjnstlouismo 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Honey, I would ask your husband what makes him a better person. Just because we make poor choices, doesn't mean we are bad people. Your sister is young, she needs to make mistakes in order to grow up. Ask your husband what choices he made at 18. We all have made poor choices at that age. Tell him to love her for who she is, and not what choices she makes. Good luck.
2007-10-12 03:10:29 · answer #5 · answered by cinson1999 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to explain to your husband that he needs to be more supportive of you. Clearly you are not going to disown your sister because she is being stupid in her current relationship. She is only 18, with any luck she well get over this loser and move on. Just make sure she does not get pregnant. This would be a huge mistake.
2007-10-12 03:00:55 · answer #6 · answered by ZCT 7 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Your husband needs to get over it and leave your sister alone to live her own life, good or bad.
2007-10-12 03:03:14 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
well this is a hard one, but you should talk to your husband first, tell him how you feel and for him to be mature about this. and then talk to your sister too. let her know how both of you feel. having her live with you guys for 6 months and not caring.. thats kinda mean. so make her listen. good luck on the talk..
2007-10-12 03:05:22 · answer #8 · answered by nandy 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋
unfortunately there isnt too much u can do. she is 18 and can do as she pleases. the worst part is you know the mistakes she will prolly make but you cant stop her. she will have to learn form her mistakes and that is really horrible but unforuntately its how it will go. at that age she thinks she knows everything and nothin will happen to her and she thinks this guy is amazin.
2007-10-12 03:32:26 · answer #9 · answered by bballbabe725 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell your husband that she isn't his daughter. Your parents are to blame.
2007-10-12 03:00:15 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋