Pushing young boys to be feminine…?

Question

I am good friends with a woman who has a son the same age as mine--almost two. She seems to be pushing the feminist role on her son which is fine for her but I just don’t understand it.

She has bought her son dolls, feminine dress up clothes, and all of the little princess movies. I feel would be okay had he wanted them but he doesn’t even play with them. She seems to think that the more she pushing the ‘nurturing feminine’ role on to her son the more kind he will be.

Maybe I’m stuck in one set of mind but unless my son asked for a doll or a girly toy I wouldn’t get it for him. I doubt he will because he’s very much into ‘boy’ things. The older they get the further they drift apart because of this difference in play preferences.

If you try to make your son a bit more feminine why do you do it?

What do you think of doing this? Could it cause problems?

Thanks!

He doesn't have any BOY toys to play with. She only buys him GIRL toys.

You're right. It is none of my buisness that's why I didn't ask her or disown her because she's different. She's allowed to be different. I embrace DIFFERENT people.

My son has had the opportunity many times to play with girl toys. When he goes to his playgroup there are girl toys and boy toys. He and this other boy prefer the boy toys.

I guess I just see a big difference between teaching a son about being kind and buying them girl toys. My son cleans house with me, he cooks dinner every night with me, he does laundry...etc.

Trying to force your child to like toys that they don't like is another thing. That's not teaching them anything. I just don't understand how giving a boy a baby doll or a girl a truck is going to teach them to be kind or more rough around the edges.

Answer 1

Well I think your friend is off the wall. I don't believe it is wrong for boys to play with girl toys but from what you've said he doesn't even play with them.
Children that age learn through play and if he has toys but won't play with them she is actually doing him a disservice. Kindness is taught, just like good manners and respect for others having him play with girl toys so he will be kind is just a bunch of bunk. That mother needs to rethink some of her parenting techniques.
But then that's just my opinion.

Answer 2

My personal opinion is that she is a bit strange to be buying her son toys that he didn't ask for, esp that they are girls toys, esp that he doesn't play with them.

I would never waste my money on a toy that my son or due to be born daughter didn't want. But, I am stingy like that....or maybe just practical.

Do I think it could cause problems for this child? Yes I do. I think that it makes the child think that what the mom wants to child to be out weighs what they child wants to be. This can cause some serious issues in the boy as he grows into manhood.

I understand your concern.

Answer 3

I don't think it could cause problems at all. It is good to give children a CHOICE - get them 'girl' toys and 'boy' toys, and see which ones they prefer. However, it sounds as though your friend is only getting her son the toy that she wants him to like, not what he actually wants. At the end of the day, it really is about what he wants, so she should let him choose.

As for why she does this - it sounds as though she might have wanted a daughter. Perhaps she feels nostalgic for when she was little. Or maybe she just likes feminine boys. Anyway, I wouldn't say anything to her about it. I'm sure you would be pretty angry if she tried to tell you how to raise your son. You can always get him 'boy' presents for his birthday, and she can't complain!

Answer 4

I don't think that women have any more claim on kindness than men do. Gender does not have anything to do with politeness and respect. It's odd that your friend thinks this way.
I give her credit for not falling into typical gender roles as far as toys are concerned but I wonder how long she can keep this up. The real challenge will come when her son wants something typically "boy-ish". Sooner or later gender becomes an inherent part of our personalities. Rejecting this facet would be cruel on her part.

Answer 5

She may just not like this 'boys toys, girls toys' nonsense. A toy is a toy. My daughter has lots of 'boys toys', she has lego, cars, racing sets, tools, etc. Some of them are not played with much, if at all, but some (lego, cars) all the time.
I don't understand why gender roles have to be applied to inanimate objects like toys and colours. Isn't it paranoid to do that?
When my daughter was a baby I used to dress her in whatever I liked, she had a blue coat for a long time, and everyone thought she was a boy, even though they KNEW she was a girl. They thought they'd been mistaken!! Weird.
This society is crazy to label objects with a gender. Are they going to have a starsign next?
If the woman likes buying this stuff for the boy, it's fine. I say good luck to her. Her son will probably be a nicer person, more understanding of girls and women.
What's really crazy is that shops stick a label onto the boxes of toys now (esp. argos), so the kid can see in big letters whether the toy is the correct gender for them. Even things like bubble blowing sets will be labelled a boys toy. Why??
I think it's stupid.

Answer 6

I definitely understand what you are saying. You aren't saying that there is anything wrong with the fact that children play with toys that aren't necessarily intended for their sex, but forcing it on them is a little strange. I am not sure that it could cause problems, but it may confuse him. He might, later in life, think that his mother wanted a girl.. not a boy. If my son asked for a doll, I don't think I would deny him one, but I don't think I would take it upon myself to specifically only buy him girl toys.

Answer 7

I have the ultimate girl toy for my boy: A sister! O.k. well I wouldn't go overboard trying to bring up his feminine side but I'd definitively try to educate him so he will respect women and see value in them and treat them as equals. Also I'd do the same for my girl introducing her to "boy" things. My husband agrees with that. He says he'll take them both fishing and into the wood shop and teach them both how to use power tools, etc while I can teach them both how to cook, take care of a house, shop, etc. more girl things. I'm hoping to have well balanced human beings that will respect each other. Through out history there has been a lot of men jerks and I think if the mothers put more attention on educating their boys and not try to toughen them up but nurtured both sides of their nature we'd have better men and not so many "machos".

Answer 8

This is really weird to me. I guess i kind of see the rational but that i s well weird. You (not you specifically anyone with a son) teach your son to be for sensitive and caring with out necessarily being feminine. When you take them to the park if they hit you teach them no to be so violent etc. I don't see why someone would do this either

Answer 9

It sounds like she is in denial with having a son. There is nothing wrong with allowing or buying your son female toys as long as he likes playing with them. And, since he is not....she is wasting her money.

I don't think it is going to cause any problems because this child will play with whatever toy he feels like playing with!

Answer 10

Well, coming from a teenager, i would only partially agree. Since the advancement of computers, and the glamorization of fashion, guys focus more on looking more "cool" than rather doing work. However, this doesn't apply to all teens, as some of my friends are very athletic.