is there still a chance for me to get another partner in life?

Question

i just ended my marriage of ten years, two years ago. i have five children with my ex-husband. i married at nineteen years old. unable to finish my studies in an exclusive college for girls and gave up my career as a varsity team captain. he never went to college. i was blinded by the love and attention i never had with anyone--family, friends; blinded by the dream of having a complete family that i never had. never knew the feeling or lived the life of a young woman because i was a mother already at a young age. never had the chance to have another boyfriend. he was my first boyfriend. i was attractive then. people close to me would always say that. i'm double my size then and it's almost impossible to bring myself back to how i looked before.

now that i'm out of that relationship, i begin to realize what i have lost. it's flattering to hear when my collegues would say that i look seven years younger my age, considering that i look like a humongous beach ball. but i'm lonely inside

Answer 1

It's never too late for another chance at happiness. However, you first have to give yourself permission to be happy. I know that sounds silly but it's the truth. You aren't going to find someone to love you until you start to think better of yourself.

I got out of an abusive and destructive relationship a couple of years ago and I thought no one would want someone as damaged and horrible and ugly and... insert 50 insults here. However, I started going to therapy and I learned to deal with some of my baggage. I'm not going to say it was a magic cure-all pill but when I started feeling better about myself I started finding guys who were interested in me - despite the fact that I'm not a stick thin model type.

Seek out counseling.. and remember if a guy is a great catch he's not going to worry about the fact that you aren't a super-thin string bean because he's too busy loving you for the wonderful woman and mother you are. You will make it through this. But please seek help in dealing with your depression. It will help.

Answer 2

I cry for you. I can feel the pain twisting through your question. You feel like you have wasted time and now its too late. You feel lost and confused and hopeless. Things are very rarely that hopeless... do not allow the enemy to fool you. You have a lot going for you. You are much more experienced now than you were when you were nineteen. Anything you could do then, you can top now. You know, you are still beautiful and your life still has purpose and you are only moving into the next chapter... thus the suspense and the fear and the pain. At the end you will experience joy and peace, until then... well you already know it is a roller coaster of good and bad, you have five kids! You may never be able to duplicate yesterday, you may never shape tomorrow but you can make a difference today. Stop hyper focusing. Find things to do and go some new places. Become active in church and in your community. Trust God. Peace and may the hand of God be upon you.

Answer 3

Why you want another partner if you just finished with one?. You completely changed in many aspect in comparison to who you were to who you are. He married a hotty, divorced someone who is ok, but why that happened?. It's so obvious that you are divorce and now lonely. It's normal too, because I have seen woman doing this a lot, and one reason why I think getting married is a bad idea, especially for a man, in the personal and financial aspect, dating is a lot more fun or being single. Sorry to hear your marriage ended it would had been better to do something about that. Finding another partner?, why?, what's the point?. You may want to learn to live single and be happy as you are, if someone meets you and you aren't happy and you fake to be happy, that person internally is going to know it and leave you and you may never find a partner or a stable and healthy relationship. Work on yourself more, become a happy person, try to love yourself more, solve that problem, is the only problem you need to solve. A Partner is not going to change anything in your life.

Answer 4

Dear squidbal,
Maybe you should start with that screen name you chose for yourself. My natibe tongue is French, so, I don't know if it means something, but to me, it doesn't sound appealing.
So, if you start with the small things, then you'll get to the important ones in time.
What you want to do, is to build your self esteem, and as I say, starting with the small things is the way.
Do you put some make up on?
So, why not go to the shop, and ask an assistant if she could help you choose a nice lips stick and also how you could do your make up in a flattering way so that it's not too heavy, but makes you look attractive.
You try that; Asking for help is another way to start.
Then, if you can afford it, same thing with the clothes.
Ask a male assistant, or a female, what colour and type of clothes they'd suggest you to wear, as you just feel like a change for the best.
Don't sell yourself short or anythin, only say that you need their help because, you are not sure you've been choosing what could suit you best.
You don't have to buy a whole wardrobe, but maybe a couple of things and try them on, see if they make YOU feel better.
Also, go to the hairdresser and get yourself a haircut, again, ask them to do something that they think would make you look good, because you want to feel good.
I don't know if you are working or not, or if it's possible being a single mother of 5. If you could, that'd be good, as it'd boost your confidence; Even a couple of hours a week.
And, trust me, even though you have 5 children and would have expectedly put on weight, you will find someone.
To me, it's a question of someone being there for you and so, it's a question of finding that right person.
I am also a single mother of Two, and I am slim. Still, I haven't found the right one for me!
So, do your best to look after yourself, to look good and what is to happen will.
Good luck.xxx

Answer 5

By my calculations you are now 31 ... ? Good heavens woman, you're still a spring chicken and yes there is still a chance for you to find someone else. Your self esteem is very low and I'm sure you don't look like a humongous beach ball at all. You may not be able to be how you were 12 years ago but you can lose weight if you REALLY REALLY want to, every time you reach for the biscuit tin remind yourself where you want to be. It is hard, I know first hand but you can do it if you REALLY REALLY want to. Go for 40 minute fast walks, eat what you ate before but half of what you used to eat. Drink lots of water and keep reminding yourself where you want to be. All this is totaly irrelevant anyway because real beauty comes from within.

Answer 6

Yes, but probably not until the kids are older. I'm sure it's hard enough when you've got one child, but dating when you have 5 children?? Ouch.

You seem upset about leaving school and getting fat. Why not work on that? Enroll in college part-time or take some distance education courses. As for your weight, you may not get back to your pre-baby size, but if you've doubled in size and feel so bad about yourself, it's good for your health to lose weight. Take a look at your diet and cut out the crap and add more fruits and veggies. If you have time, join a gym. Just going once or twice a week will make a difference in how you feel.

Take care of yourself first and you'll find that men (or women if you like) will naturally become more attracted to you. It'll happen, if you want.

Answer 7

I am sure if you look in the mirror you will see a beautiful lady, size does not matter, but if you are not happy with your size work on it, but do not do it for anybody lese only do it for yourself, as for moving on, yes you do have a life, you can find somebody else, might be hard to find somebody if you do not allow yourself to be seen, I have no suggestions on how to meet others when we get a little older, I have been single for 20 years and cannot find a female because I do not frequent pubs and clubs, if you as a female hang out at pubs or clubs people will talk behind your back, so you just have to find some other activity in your area to meet somebody, but if you seek you will find

Answer 8

Sorry to hear about your divorce...
you are only 31 years old..so you are still young..I'm sure you will find someone. Just give it time.

If you feel that down about your weight I would suggest joining a health club or even just taking jogs or walks...and make sure you eat right. Then once you lose some weight hopefully you will feel better about yourself. After all, confidence is a very attractive feature.

Best of luck in all you do!

Answer 9

being on my own in this being pregnant i'm particular is ruff i replaced into on my own yet because of the fact the daddy replaced right into a dork. did u tell your ex you cheated? in case you rather need him returned you'll be extremely up front approximately what and why you felt the choose too cheat. ask him how he feels approximately you and your dating now and locate out if there is any hazard for a reconciliation. if there's a huge gamble great communicate approximately what you and he needs to do to repair the wear and tear. there is wish. besides the indisputable fact that if he cant locate it in his heart to forgive you it is going to by no skill paintings. believe is a problematic component to repair. and the actuality which you do not understand who the daddy of your infant is does make it complicated for the so reported father. it takes a real guy to settle for a toddler that may not his. so if he cant previous those subject concerns particular i might flow on. do not make your existence extra problematic attempting to alter someones thoughts or combating for there believe whilst it is been broken. your daughter merits a extra useful existence than that. sturdy luck no rely the way it seems in the adventure that your good and have faith it is going to all paintings out for the final.

Answer 10

its never too late ! I'm not trying to be rude but if you are tiered of that beach ball look then its time to pop it !don't hold yourself back .don't go looking for another life long partner yet have some fun first! its impossible to look like you are 19 again but you can sure try!! don't give up its a big world and you never know who you will run into.never give up on love !