She started by chatting and emailing with him about 3 months ago, keeping it all secret from me. She grew distant from me, and shared details of her life (multiple times daily) with him. They had cybersex once, and both think it was a mistake. She shared erotic dreams with him (that involved him), and talked about our marriage. She's tried to say goodbye to him 3 times now, and says it's finally over. Now, she's admitting the sex part was cheating, but that they were truly just friends, that nothing would have happened. She's trying to turn this on me, saying I have insecurities about her being friends with other men. We set up counseling and both want it to work, but I'm running out of hope. BTW, she's pregnant with our 2nd, and we do love eachother. Has anyone else been through this? Did it work out? It's been 10 days since I confronted her. How long will this take???
2007-10-11 20:40:49 · 13 answers · asked by Dude 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I am sorry for your situation. Geeze.
I have never been in this situation so i am unable to look at it from a personal persepctive. In my humble opinion what she did was cheating. She was emtionally connected and sexually plugged into this guy, and distancing herself from you.... You dont have cybersex with your friends!
At least you have set up avenues to work things out. Good luck with your marriage and this situation.
2007-10-11 20:51:54 · answer #1 · answered by kelstar 5 · 3⤊ 0⤋
I don´t know how old the both of you are, but did you take intoo consideration that what your wife is going through could be some kind of depression about age, looks and all that ? You should, because the symptoms you´re describing are exactly matching to depressions. Women then go and look for the comfort of other men and you should be lucky that by now she didn´t have a real affair on you with another guy. Anyway... go to your appointments with the counselor and work it out. The part about you havin insecurities... well, you have every right and need to feel insecure now about the loyality of your wife for it was she herself who put you in the spot of not being able to trust her any longer. She should get away from the computer... it´s like a drug, especially the part about chatting and getting emotional... you just want more of that comfort and so called understanding person on the other side. The best clue I can give you : Tell that guy to stay away from your wife or you gonna raise holy hell on him... but make sure she wont find out you did that. I´d like to tell you else but boy, your marriage is in serious danger and you should take that serious. Have an eye open for details and read between the lines when your wife tells you anything and in the way she behaves... you´ll see if she´s over him or not.
2007-10-11 20:54:42 · answer #2 · answered by Kendra-Kitty 2 · 1⤊ 2⤋
she has formed an emotional attachment with him for sure, which is very easy to do online. But you have children to consider, if she is being honest and its over, then be there for her and get thru this together.
If your trust has gone out the window, You might want to log the chat, this way you can keep an eye on her until she has proved herself if she stays chatting with him, let her know this is totally unacceptable and tell yes of course you have insecurities, you would be crazy if you didn't. For the last few months there has been 3 people in your marriage. Tell here there is only room for 2.
Hope it all works out and it probably will :)
2007-10-11 20:59:32 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 1⤋
She is turning this on you. She doesn't need time or deserve it. As long as you are willing to provide whatever this person is SHE needs to cut him off and it is incumbent upon her to rebuild the trust. For all those who say you're insecure, OF COURSE YOU ARE!! Your wife is having a net affair, duh. Please show her this email. I am by no means more innocent than her. I used to be an net porn addict, and I was flrting and almost having cybersex at times. This was many years ago, and I work very hard to stay away, much to my hapiness. Give her a reason to leave it, and hold her accountable.
2007-10-11 21:46:54 · answer #4 · answered by kttphoenix 5 · 1⤊ 1⤋
man i went through this exact same thing. my girl started going into chat rooms and talking to guys. she would even go out of town and leave me home for 2-3 days at a time to go visit them in other parts of the state. and she too turned it on me like I was doing something wrong. anyway, it ended up that she "fell in love" with one of these idiots, threw me out of the house with 2 days notice, thereby making me homeless(i live in a motel currently) and a few weeks later she packed everything up and moved to a different part of the state to live with him. all this from simply going into a chatroom. (that and a lot of stupidity) my advice is this. either she cut it off completely or leave her. those arent the kind of friends she needs to have. she already cheated with him once so.......oh and stop getting her pregnant if your marriage is on the rocks doofus!! dont ruin any more lives than you have to.
2007-10-11 22:58:00 · answer #5 · answered by abominusprime 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋
It's an addiction. She'll never be over it. She'll get over him on her own time, but she'll have to have the rush and excitement of flirting on line. It's a drug. My ex wife did the same, she had the affair and left me and the kids for a married man. I'm not sure how to reel a woman back in from that. I also feel her having male friends on line is a bad idea, unless she is able to openly at any time let you sit in and watch her chat. I'll bet she'd never be able to do that. Good Luck
2007-10-11 20:53:47 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 2⤋
The whole thing is cheating...not just the cyber sex. I say get rid of the internet...period. It may seem extreme, but we all lived without it just a few years ago and we did fine...remember?
Technology such as internet, IMs, text messaging, cell phones, myspace, etc can be a good thing in and of itself, but it sure has made cheating easier. Just as anything else...if it cannot be used for its purpose...it should go.
2007-10-11 21:51:29 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 2⤋
She will get over it, I started talking in chat rooms and one guy kept asking me to go to a private room so i finally give in and it started from there.We were friends and then he wanted to see me so i sent him a picture of me. After that we talked every night sometimes until 4:00AM in the morning or until my husband would be getting up for work. We talked about my marriage and his divorce and how bad his marriage was then we talked about sex and how is started to have dreams of me. I would never let it get out of hand even though he tried. When he said he wanted to meet me that scared me because up until that point it was fun and safe. I stopped after 4 months of talking to him, sometimes i want to click on so bad because he was someone i could talk to about anything but i know it's wrong. If my husband was doing this it would break my heart and i would feel betrayed. I love my husband as i know your wife loves you, she will get her head on straight and come to her senses. The longer she doesn't talk to him she will see what she has done is horrible and the guilt will set in and that's when she will look at you and see the man she married and fall in love with you again. We women fall in love with our husbands over and over many times and you guys don't even know it.
2007-10-11 21:42:06 · answer #8 · answered by Teenie 7 · 1⤊ 2⤋
She's cheating and has a total lack disregard for her family and your happiness. If she wasnt pregnant things would be better to deal with. i would stand by her because you dont want to upset her while she is pregnant. If she was depressed like the previous person suggested it wouldnt be so selective. she wouldnt be able to be depressed with you and happy with strangers. She is taking advantage of you and the baby situation. You cannot allow this to continue.
2007-10-11 21:19:47 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 2⤋
Yes, the sex part was cheating, but the rest was not. You are being insecure and bordering abuse if you can't accept the fact that your wife will have male friends.
2007-10-11 20:51:21 · answer #10 · answered by some female 5 · 0⤊ 5⤋