could you live with this?

Question

My fiance has a metal hip, he had his hip replacement when he was 16, he has to have it replaced at least every 10 years, he is 22 now and every 5 years his hip has to be checked he has an appointment with the dr on the 31st (8 days after his 23rd birthday) and he's been having a lot of pain in his artificial hip lately I'm afraid that he'll have to get it replaced again, he has a fear of hospitals and surgery I work full time I can't work and care for him at the same time, also we're planning kids for the future and his Mum told me that by the time he's 35 or 40 he may end up in a wheelchair as there are only so many hip replacements he can have, I feel bad that each time we have sex he gets pains in his hip but there's nothing I can do I'm scared and I feel helpless

Answer 1

Calmate mija. It is not as bad as it seems. You knew that he had this problem when you met him so you promised that in sickness and in health... and this is what that is all about. Reality.

Sure, he has to have the replacements done periodically, he is a growing boy. I'm not being rude or funny but research has proven that the body and the brain continue to grow until around twenty five for most people. So hopefully... this could actually be the last replacement that he will ever need.

The pain that is is experiencing now is probably becuase it is time to have the prosthetic changed. The good news is, they have made advancements in the technology and methodology of this surgery. They have newer, lighter weight products.

I would be happy for him that he is going to go and get an, "Upgrade." If you look at it that way, you can change your attitude about the procedure to a more positive one and that will help him have a better attitude and that will help the whole experience and healing process to be eaiser and faster.

If he does not have confidence with his doctor, he should look for a second opinion. Make sure that the doctor is up to date with all the new products and instruments. You know that they can do a replacement with a four inch scar and an endoscope these days? Not every doctor can so I would look for one that has training and experience. When my dad had his hip replaced twenty years ago it was awful. So keep that in mind.

About sex... Have you ever heard of Kama Sutra? There are plenty of positions that you can try to take the pressure off your husband. Like I said before, attitude has a lot to do with it. If you show your concern in wanting to do what is best for his health and his pleasure, I bet that he will find a way to show you how grateful he is. The alternative seems to be resentment or enduring pain trying to please you. Why not take that pressure off and just be loving? He might just learn to be a gourmet chef and your friends will wonder why he loves to do all the cooking for you.

I'm sorry that his mom has such a negative outlook for his future. Sure he May end up in a wheelchair but he could also get hit by a fast moving truck and then you'll be buying headstones instead of wheel chairs. It is not the end of the world even if he does end up in a wheel chair. It is all about ATTITUDE and whether or not you are really in love.

I really hope that I don't sound too harsh. That is not my intention, but this is serious and being scared and helpless is not going to help you or your fiance. If you plan on marraige and family, you have got to be strong and at the same time be gentle and compassionate. I may be a tough love kind of person but you can sure bet that the people that I love know that I love them with my whole heart and that there is nothing that I wouldn't do for them. I am giving you this advice with love. Who ever you are. Good looks and good sex fade. If you have someone that you love and they really love you, nothing that happens or changes with their body will ever change the love you feel for them.

Good luck to you all.

Answer 2

I'm so sorry for the dilemna you are in. However, the mother of your fiancee is just being realistic. She's stating bare facts that you have to confront sooner, or later. Are you willing to sacrifice your life for a partner or spouse who faces the possibility of being a cripple? No matter, how you cut it; that's what he'll be? He'll be in constant pain. He won't be the same guy you love now. Most men can't handle that life with so much pain and restrictions of being an invalid. He'll be one h@ll of a guy when he's in that so much pain And your sex life might be over..


Look at Liz Taylor? She's wheelchair bound and in constant pain due to repeated hip replacements.
If you are having a problem now working and having to take care of him for his forthcoming surgery? How about for any subsequent surgeries? Are you apt to it? Who'll be the major breadwinner? You have to see the total picture and get your head off the clouds. Do you love him enough to jeopardize your own happiness and future as well as those of your very own kids to be? Remember the saying." When poverty knocks at the door, love flies out the window?"


No, i say, you're still too young and deserve something better. You gotta learn how to let go and move on. I'm being practical. I don't believe that the human spirit can endure so much sacrifice beyond reason.


On the other hand; let's review the flip side of the coin:


Most artificial hip joints will last for 10 to 20 years or longer without loosening, depending on such factors as:

Your lifestyle and how much stress you put on a joint.
How much you weigh (being very overweight puts extra stress on the joint).
How well your new joint and bones mend.
The younger you are when you have the surgery and the more stress you put on the joint, the more likely it is that you will eventually need a second surgery to replace the first artificial joint. Over time, the components wear down or may loosen and need to be replaced.

Your artificial joint should last longer if you are not overweight and if you do not do hard physical work or play sports that stress the joint. If you are older than 60 when you have joint replacement surgery, the artificial joint probably will last the rest of your life.


Doctors continue to discover new ways to improve the life span of artificial hip joints. What we know today about the long-term outcomes of hip replacement surgery comes from studies of joints that were replaced 10 to 20 years ago or longer. People who have hip replacement surgery today may expect the artificial joint to last longer than joints replaced 10 to 20 years ago



Check the links below for more innovative progress made on total hip replacements:

http://www.biomet.com/patients/hip_replacement.cfm

http://www.hipreplacement.com/DePuy/docs/Hip/Products/Info/DePuy_Hip_Products.html

Good Luck!

Answer 3

That's so sad, I'm sorry for him and you. Only you know whether you can cope with this for life. Look deep within yourself and decide if you can live with this permanently. Personally, if I really loved a man that had this problem, I could cope with it. If one of your main issues is not causing him pain during sex, then you can be on top. Let him stay pretty still and you do most of the........ um "work". If this doesn't suit you guys, experiment with different positions, I'm sure one can be found. Get a book to get ideas if necessary. As far as emotionally investing in a man with a physical problem such as this, only you can decide. Maybe you can get with a good therapist if you're really conflicted. Whatever you do, make sure you've made up your mind and that you are totally devoted to whatever you choose. Then stick to that decision. I'm hoping the best for you both!

Answer 4

Aren't you the prissy one, so stuck up on the fact that her hips work normal. Try to put yourself in your bf's position for just one moment. He is in pain a lot of the time and all he has to look forward to is years of pain, surgery's, and confinement in a wheelchair. You could at least be supportive. If you can't pull that off, you should leave before you make the mistake of getting married and having kids.

Answer 5

Try to put yourself in his shoes. This certainly isn't something he asked for. Can you accept the fact that he may eventually be in a wheelchair full time?
If you can't love and accept him just the way he is then you need to let him go.

Answer 6

Dear

why u r thinking u cannot. what if it were u. always remember good people will get good things in life. God is seeing all the work of yours and will reward u. Love him as much as u can. A wife / mother cannot be selfish. Learn to live for others. we are not animals who live for themselves. God has created us as his own for us to be there when other needs us.

hope you will give all your love and care to him without any selfish motive.

bye

Answer 7

saad