maybe looks has nothing to do but i quit doing what i was doing to be there for him so my question is what do i do to get him back all my friends have told me to seduce him but thats not the problem he loves my body and he enjoys having sex with me and am always giving him the best pleasure but she is fat and ugly but he loves to talk to her when he's down i mean his serious issues he goes to her and i know they're not sleeping with each other because it's obious but i know he calls her to talk about me and she tells him all this sweet staff and makes him feel so good and me that am the wife he only wants sex and am so confuse what do i do to show him that i love him and that i left everything for him???
2007-10-11 19:33:04 · 12 answers · asked by hey 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Maybe he talks to her because she listens to him....Sometimes people need someone who will listen, not someone who will say something....
2007-10-11 19:45:22 · answer #1 · answered by ABBYsMom 7 · 4⤊ 0⤋
First of all this is advice. In my marriage, we do not talk about each other badly to other people. If others know that we are having problems, then it can cause some jerky people to try something like break us up. This is private and so needs to be kept private. Yes of course you may have a close friend (note that I said close friend) that you can confide in and that's ok but it is important I feel not to let the spouse know that you have spoken to your close friend about the marriage. If you were to speak to him about it that would be the first thing I'd request is that he not speak anything but good about you to anyone especially to a woman. Sometimes a person just needs another opinion. I do not know if he goes to you first with the serious issues and then to her. If he goes to you first about it then that is good and he is just reaffirming his decision by asking someone else. I will tell you this. My husband had developed a sort of friendship with another woman. The woman was nice enough but I could tell that she was a sneaky person and I did not like all the time he was spending with her or what she was doing. So, what I did was to suddenly start inviting her to go places with me, to come over for dinner, being really nice. She is gone now. It is true by being really nice you can "heap firey coals on their head" In other words, kill them with kindness. As far as letting him know that you left everything for him it is imperitive that you let him know. Talking does the trick usually. Again this has happened to me. I left all my friends, family, house, school, etc and moved to sweden for my husband. Sometimes I think he forgets that I did all this for him. I remind him. We have been married for almost 5 years.
2007-10-12 02:45:27 · answer #2 · answered by bssd12000 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I don't know the full story here. However, based upon what you have said it sounds like the problems lays with how you relate to your husband. Your communication.
Why does he go to talk about serious issues with another woman? Well, have you considered listening to him? There is a connection beyond the physical realm. Spiritually, emotionally, mentally, sexually. It would appear these elements are lacking. Fix that and you should be half way there.
Please refrain from name calling, it only makes you look foolish and shallow. Again, listening is the key.
2007-10-12 03:43:06 · answer #3 · answered by kelstar 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like you are looking to your husband to validate your life. Go out and find something nice and fun (not illegal or immoral) to do. Read a few good books, a few puzzles, watch international news, take some art classes...The point is to challenge yourself to become as interesting a person as you possibly can be, not just a body that he sleeps with.
Fat and ugly vs Skinny and beautiful doesn't mean much (as you are finding out painfully)...all that matters is that your husband should be completely content in mind AND body at home with you. And, it will take effort on your part.
2007-10-12 02:51:54 · answer #4 · answered by TeeK 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Its called an emotional affair. Let me see if I understand you. He has serious discussions with her about his feelings, she validates them and he feels better about whatever he shared with her. Why doesn't he feel comfortable sharing serious isssues with you? Why did he chose you? What was attractive to him about YOU? Are you still that person, are you still those things that attracted him? Everyone plays a part. Whats your part? Have you taken responsibility for your part in this situation? Someone has to be first to do something different(change). What are you willing to do or change? You are only a victim the FIRST TIME after that you are a volunteer. Perhaps marriage counseling would help.
Good luck and God Bless.
2007-10-12 02:56:14 · answer #5 · answered by Noelle M 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like he has great respect for this gal and that she listens to him and his feelings and he needs this. Maybe he feels you do not listen to him quite as well. Maybe he feels he can tell her anything and she will not get angry with him but if he told you the same things that you would. He simply does not have to care or worry about her feelings like he has to yours.
Maybe there are things that he just cannot talk to you about. Maybe he tried before and you did not listen or you got angry with him so he has always gone to her because she listens and acts like she really cares.. It is not always sex and good looks, but a man needs someone he can talk to and that will understand him and support his feelings.and also not become angry when he says something she may not like.
2007-10-12 02:47:34 · answer #6 · answered by craft painter 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
An honest opinion?
You are making yourself SO available to him, he doesn't have to want you or ask for you to get you or have you do what he wants.
Also there is no YOU. For many men, there is nothing more boring as a person so empty. Being devoted to someone and completely losing yourself is two different things. You don't seem to recognize that.
One more thing.... you mentioned sex twice. You can have sex and have a physical pleasure but that is not the same thing as love or understanding.
You said you wanted help. Those are my observations from what you just said. You really need to rebuild who you are. ...and please put periods every now and then. I had hard time reading what you said.
2007-10-12 02:40:42 · answer #7 · answered by tkquestion 7 · 4⤊ 1⤋
you already know that he is interested in you physically...but its obvious that you lack the emotional support he needs that's why he chooses to talk to this other girl...you are his wife and he should be talking to you about all sort of things and not this other girl....why not try talking to him for a change...set time for quality conversation....ask him how his day went...ask him to do other things with you like get into a new hobby or sport together....try to know and learn his other interests so that you can spend more time together outside the bedroom...marriage isnt just about sex...its about your life together as husband and wife...
2007-10-12 02:52:09 · answer #8 · answered by geisha 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You're not getting it. You keep calling her fat and ugly. What do you do to him I wonder? Are you even attempting to connect with him in a way other than physically? You know what the answer is and you keep dancing (no pun intended) around it. If he's running to her for emotional support and it bothers you this much, why in world are you married?
2007-10-12 02:43:22 · answer #9 · answered by kttphoenix 5 · 3⤊ 1⤋
My advice:
Be more friendly to your husband, read his face and ask him about it. If he looks worried or tired or sad or whatever try to make him comunicate. I t would help you a lot becoming friend of this friend, you would learn a lot from analysing her.
2007-10-12 02:54:08 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋