i need help plzzzz someone???????

Question

well i've been married for seven years i love my hubby and he admited to me that he still has feelings for his first ex gf but that he still loves me but that he's not going to stop talking to her and the worse thing is that we went to a wedding with his family and he introduce me to her and i was talking to her almost the whole night without knowing she was the ex but i realize because the whole night they kept looking at each other and the worse thing is that she is so ugly and fat but he said that she is always there to talk to him when ever he needs it especially when i was gone because i use to be an exotic dancer but i quit to have a marriage with him and he tells me this and so heart broken don't know if i should go back to dancing or deal with it he said that my job didn't bother him but then why did he go to her when he had me and all his friends tell me how hot i am but i don't get why? plzzzzzzzz someone with a honest advice

Answer 1

This isn't a healthy situation....And he's definitely not being fair to you in this.

First off, don't go back to exotic dancing. Do something worthwhile and go to school. Take online classes or go to a Community college and go into a field that you would like doing.

Secondly, I would prepare for a divorce. And by prepare, I mean, "File divorce papers" because that's the only wake up call that he'll ever get.

Don't budge if he promises not to talk to her again, because he's already shown that he doesn't really care about what you think in this matter. He's chosen to do what he wants...

You can do better than this! And who knows, maybe he's having a sexual affair with her. Do you know for sure or not?

Either way, this isn't fair to you.

Just think long and hard about it all.

Answer 2

You are right to question what he said about your old job not affecting him. He contradicted himself. By saying that he turned to the ex for at least emotional comfort while you were dancing and then turn around and say that it did not bother him is cause for concern. Not only that I would seriously be questioning why he never told you that evening at the wedding that that was his ex. On the other hand his feelings for the ex may not include romantic feelings just safe feelings. It would behove you to speak with him about it. If you did I suggest that you do not call her fat and ugly. Usually this will not help it will only make him want to defend her because he once dated her and that would in turn be insulting him not her. If you understand what I mean. Also it would make you look petty, you are a better person than that. Also, if you were talking with her the whole night, then that probably means she is an engaging, likable person. If and when you speak to him try to keep emotions out of it. I am not saying you were not hurt and betrayed any normal human would be but I am saying that men don't usually respond well to feeling words, only logic so try to think of a logical way of putting things so he will learn to understand the error of his ways. In the meantime I also suggest that you do what another answerer suggested, go to school. You can take one or two classes at a time and it's not that expensive to do it that way. The time away would give you time to think, and at the same time expand your mind a bit. Learn something you don't already know. Dancing would certainly give you more money but it might give him the fuel that he is looking for. I certainly hope your marriage is workable and if he is not cheating then probably it is.

Answer 3

HONEST ADVISE: Don't give up before you try. Several people advised you to divorce him. That isn't the answer. Yes, you could divorce him, but then you would always wonder if it could have worked out.
You need to try to work this out.
Go find a marriage counselor.
Read LOVE & RESPECT by Dr. Emerson Eggerechs
I don't know if you are religious or not, but this book is a god-send. It sounds like Dr. Eggerechs wrote this book for you.
He is a christian, but his book doesn't deal with the religious issues neccesarily. He deals with simple emotions, reactions, needs, etc of the couple. This book saved my parents marriage. There are DVD's and everything....please try before you give up. If you love him, there is hope. Even if he has major issues right now- your love can lead you both out of this crisis and into a wonderful marriage,
I can't say it enough....you have to try...........love him with all of your heart......he needs you.........he married you because he wanted you. He would have married her if he wanted her, right.
He loves you. Perhaps she is such a friend that he is trying to figure out his feelings for her. He might be mistaken, not knowing how to tell you or how to explain it.

Love him, give it your all.......it's worth it in the end. Knowing that you put 100% into your marriage, into him. Even if it doesn't work out in the end...you'll still feel better knowing that you did everything to try. God Bless.

Answer 4

There are numerous elements you want to judge: What form of affliction does the guy have, is it bacterial-if so, then the above steps will preserve it, no matter if it truly is a virulent disease then you actually favor to apply a purifier with bleach. If the guy who had your MP3 participant purely held it then you actually are at no more desirable threat of having sick until eventually you licked the gadget after or rubbed it over an open leap or placed it your eyes. yet another component is your man or woman immunity. you come back into contact with 1000's of thousands of germs on a on a daily basis foundation and do not relize it. Staying healthful will advance with sturdy hygine on your section.

Answer 5

Looks aren't everything and love is a powerful potion. I married a big girl. She is the most attractive thing on the planet as far as I'm concerned. Far more attractive than anything I've seen at a strip club. No offense. I almost lost her and I'm pretty sure that if I would have, it wouldn't matter who I was with at the time, I would leave them and go back to her in a heartbeat. Sometimes another person is just the love of your life. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder.

Answer 6

I wonder if any of the previous answerers would change thier tune if the genders were reversed? Talking to an ex does not end the marriage here. This is far from ultiamtum time. If you have a reason to believe he's anything other than just talking, then confront him and it is HIS obligation to be forthright and transparent. Otherwise just ask him why he can't talk to you about these things. In the end, him taking his problems elsewhere is the biger issue. He married YOU. Show him my reponse if you're conderned about him seeing your question. If he has a problem (which he shouldn't) tell him to come to ME.

Answer 7

I would definitely give him an ultimatum. This is completely unacceptable in a marriage. If she was only his friend, then fine, whatever...but when he says that he still has feelings for her-that's when it's too much and needs to be stopped. Tell him, it's her or you. You can find someone who will be happy with you and will not need someone else. If he refuses to give up his relationship with her, then he's not worth it. You may want to try couple's therapy. That may help with communication. He may feel that he can't talk to you like he can her. If you both learn how to better communcate, maybe it will prevent him from wanting to talk to her.

Answer 8

I know you love him but Im not so sure he feels the same way. It's good to be honest in a relationship but he's way too harsh. You do not deserve him. Why can't he just shove her off in the first place when he is focused with the marriage, Girl, don't allow yourself to continually get hurt by your insensitive husband. Speak up and tell him what you feel. You are the wife and you are a woman. Speak up and be heard!

Answer 9

OK, here's the cold, hard truth. Some men actually do not judge a book by the cover, but they actually read the book. Your husband sounds like a keeper and if you want to keep him interested in you, you'd better stop shakin' that thang long enough to read War And Peace.

Answer 10

Why would you want to go back to something your husband will look down on you for. If you think you dancing won't bother him then your pretty naive. That really wasn't nice of you to call her ugly and fat and say his friends think your hot. I don't know you but the little you have said I think I know why he turns to her to talk to. I'm not putting you down and if you take it like that then you don't understand what I'm trying to tell you.You sound a little insensitive.