By that I mean, how long does it take for that feeling of euphoria, you know the one I mean, to disappear? How long did it take for that rush of endorphins to disappear after you got married? You know, that feeling you had when you were first dating your future spouse, and every day you'd wake up thinking about them, and get a rapid heartbeat when you were finally around them that day, and you'd go to bed without a care in the world, smiling. And if you didn't wait forever (like five-ten years) to get married, it was still there right up until you got married. How long after that did it go away, and transform into a downtrodden complacency? "I'm tired".
The reason I ask is this: All the advice I see on here for couples on the brink is "maybe you need to get away", "schedule some time off for yourselves" or similar. When you were first dating, you didn't need that, because that was every day. Are we humans not meant to be monogamous? Does it downtrod our psyche's?
2007-10-11 18:45:53 · 19 answers · asked by lovinglifeina69 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
what is that blabber? are u pretending to be a new carry bradshaw ? u fall out of love if u fell in love not with the real person but with your projected image. your fantasy. then, when reality strikes u finally wake up and realise that this person is not the one who u wanted. that's how u fall out of love. so my advice as a happily married woman STILL IN LOVE and having all those butterflies after 3 years of marriage - date with open, not closed eyes. i am still in love cos this is still the person i fell in love with. no disappointment whatsoever. and he just becomes better and better ( i don't know whether it is possible when he already was perfect when we started dating). and i don't want to be monogamous. when u have perfection u value it
2007-10-11 18:54:25 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Infatuation and the initial excitement of a new relationship go through a bit of a cooling period in time... and that time varies from couple to couple through the different stages of life.
Having said that, most couples who have lived through the "cooling off" period and have adjusted to a life together, can attest to the seduction and joy of a deeper, more meaningful relationship - one that is based on mutual trust, respect, admiration and awe of each other. When your partner continues to "bring out the best in you" and inspire you to be a better you and therefore a better partner, you know you're on the right track.
Hopefully that is the kind of relationship you have. If you do not, then it is a lot harder to stay motivated and enthusiastic about your spouse and your marriage. This explains why so many spouses cheat.
Finally, a thought - some people do not have the maturity to move from sheer infatuation to the deeper and more mature level that comes after it. That is why you see so many people continue to break up and start new relationships the minute their current one "cools off a little" - they're addicted to the initial fireworks and do not have the emotional maturity to go deeper. A person like that will forever be deprived of the joy and serenity of a deeper, more meaningful and infinitely more substantial rewards of a relationship that has matured.
2007-10-11 19:03:02 · answer #2 · answered by Gatubella 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Work, work, work. I hope you didn't go into married thinking it was going to be a piece of cake. Im pretty sure you spouse feels the same way. When you're married, you will fall in and out of love a million times. But at the end of the day, you have to be content in knowing that there is no other person in this world for you. Yes, take a break and always schedule 1 day out of the week just for you. Make sure your spouse knows about you special day, that way there will be no complications added to what ever else is going on. It's a phase and it will pass.
2007-10-11 19:12:09 · answer #3 · answered by Keepin It Real 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well,in my opinion, it does change, but it doesn't go away. I have been married to my husband for 14 years. When we were dating, I was like " I can't live with out him", I was so swept off my feet with everything he did. I think now, we both see that that dating stuff is exciting and fun, no doubt, but very much just a starting point, and most of the time, it is fake. We have grown together, I see now that I didn't know him at all when we were dating. He is so much more to me now than that smooth talking , young college guy, he is now my husband, my happiness, my comfort, my life.
2007-10-11 19:01:44 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
it all depends on the fighting and or nit picking the two people start doing.. you have to choose your battles and think before speaking.. like is this worth fighting over or not.. things can change for some right away.. i think because they expect this high life of marriage and then reality comes to them and its not all that so there let down. the way it should be is being good to each other and loving and caring of each others wants and needs. lots of laughter is good too. me and hubby always are laughing and happy most days.. when you wake up first thing to start you day with good thoughts and kindness to each other you will see it can work out good. if you make others feel good around you you will find you will feel good also.. good luck
2007-10-11 18:57:01 · answer #5 · answered by Kat 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Oh Lordy, I can see why she's tired, your boring and too intense.
Sorry, I had to say that.
Marriage does not take away the flame, the couple does.
They get to compliant and into a rut, or they are so busy trying to get ahead in work that they tend to slack off with the romance.
I would say getting away together, would be good as it is taking you away from the hum drum of working, paying bills, fixing the house, etc.
So if you want to blame anyone for the marriage being boring, then you have to put the blame on the couples.
2007-10-11 18:53:52 · answer #6 · answered by kitty 6 · 3⤊ 0⤋
No, it is the pressures of life that start to move in on the euphoria that we feel early on. The responsibilites of paying bills, raising children, etc... We tend to neglect our love life, in favor of taking care of other responsibilities.
I have friends that havd been married for 30 years, and they say that the success of their marriage is due to taking a couple of alone vacations every year, and making time for each other no matter how stressful the day has been. Put the kids to bed early EVERY night, in order to give yourselves time to communicate and express your love.They are still in love just as they were when they got married.
2007-10-11 18:54:29 · answer #7 · answered by PEGGY S 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Fear not. As time passes, there are fewer things standing between you & your sweetie. The kids finally get outta Dodge, one of you will begin to work part-time or at home, etc. The flame reignites as the oxygen is allowed back into the relationship after all those years of hard work, child rearing, financial hassles, in-laws, outlaws, etc. Hallalujah! It was there all the time and has been growing just like your little nest egg. Enjoy!
2007-10-11 19:05:19 · answer #8 · answered by Chiksita 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think it's more because we get comfortable with our partners...and things become routine, less exciting, and we grate on each other's nerves.
That's what happens when you live with someone. I mean, when you lived with your parents, you had some days of arguing, and some days of being happy.
Love always takes work. If we lived like animals, then we'd be alone and cold to each other. That's not how we're meant to live.
We're meant to figure out how to make it work with each other. If you find someone you have alot in common with and are very much in love with, then it's better to try to keep the spark alive.
2007-10-11 18:54:36 · answer #9 · answered by darkening_hope 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you can fall out of love next day, it can happen for many reasons, one main reason is so many past events will be told after the wedding, and some will hurt, other reasons is the wedding, it is over, the honeymoon is over the first night, you wake up and you are in reality instead of that fantasy land you have been in for so long
2007-10-11 18:50:40 · answer #10 · answered by please ask m 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋