6 Months ago I found out that my wife was having an affair. It took me 4 months to find out who he was. My wife told me that if I have any contact with him or his wife that she will leave me. So here is the question. Do I tell His wife or not ?
2007-10-11 18:39:58 · 31 answers · asked by Papa's Q 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Personally I don't think it is her choice. She is the cheater and if she is trying to show you that she is sorry I do not think she has the right to tell you what to do about it. Mind you I do not support violence but then again I am a typical mom/wife there I think, but if I was in that situation I think that I would tell the spouse. When you ask to be forgiven I don't think you get to stipulate.
Edited: oh and if it was my husband that your wife cheated with for whatever reason, and my fingers are crossed that that is something that I don't need to worry about, I would want you to tell me for numerous reasons and I would appreciate it.
2007-10-11 19:09:23 · answer #1 · answered by scsspace 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Your wife sounds like a duplicitious and conniving woman with some kind of vested interest in keeping you and her 'other man' apart. I can only assume that she is still having an affair with him, otherwise why would she insist you do not tell his wife (presuming that you are not all friends and she is not afraid the story would become idle gossip amongst your acquaintances)? His wife has a right to know, just as you had a right to know about your wife's affair. I think you should speak to your wife about it. If she is unwilling to discuss such an important issue with you, or is not repentant, then I suggest you seriously re-evaluate your relationship, and tell the other woman. If she will talk to you, then hopefully you can come to some kind of agreement that can salvage your marriage, although honestly, you shouldn't have to be spending 4 months rooting around behind your wife's back, if you trust her that little and know that she has betrayed you, then you shouldn't be with her at all.
Good luck!
2007-10-12 01:50:13 · answer #2 · answered by katie_london 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
That is a tough one! I mean chances are the the wife already suspects. And usually if they don't only cheat once, so what could he be bringing home to her???? Which brings me to my next question, Have you checked to make sure your wife didn't give you any "surprises". Think about it, is this the first time she has cheated? Even if it is, she can't be sure it was the only time for him. OR better yet, what if his wife is cheating on him too!! Ha-Ha, now wouldn't that be a good one!!
Are you considering staying with someone you can't trust??? Since your comment was that "if I have any contact with him or his wife ..she will leave." That means you are considering staying with someone who betrayed your trust??!! Now that I don't understand!! AND why do people insist that a spouse wouldn't cheat if you did everything right?? That is SUCH NONSENSE!! It takes 2 to make a marriage, and if one partner is not happy they should get out - NOT CHEAT!!
I would tell the wife, for health reasons. Really - she has a right to know that her husband might be giving her viruses and bacteria. So, in answer to your question - yea, I guess I would tell her - for health reasons.
2007-10-12 02:02:15 · answer #3 · answered by Fireant 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Why Would You Care If Your Cheating Wife Left You. I Say Tell The Guys Wife After You Kick The Crap Out Of Him And Let Your Cheating Wife Leave You.
2007-10-12 01:44:51 · answer #4 · answered by Anthony 3 · 3⤊ 1⤋
Yes. If you're wife is having an affair, she already left you. This person's wife should have the same information you do. If you went through months of figuring this out, you wanted to know and I guarantee the other person will, too.
2007-10-12 02:13:13 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
The first question should be how soon should i file for divorce, which would be 5 months and 29 days ago. She's not willing to come clean on this, so dump her. Beat her ot the punch tell her your divorcing her AND telling the husband and the wife that day. Heck, start a support group with the betrayed woman.
2007-10-12 02:29:23 · answer #6 · answered by kttphoenix 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
She is gonna leave you regardless eventually,women like that rarely stay....what you wanna do is try as much as possible to protect your assets before the divorce comes (she does not sound like a good person she will try and screw you over when the time comes)...as far as telling the otherman's wife...to me that decision is entirely up to you because despite everything you are still involved in this mess you may not gain anything from it,but at least you will be helping the other woman see the kind of man she is married to.
2007-10-12 06:49:07 · answer #7 · answered by ericktravel 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Depends, what do you want out of the situation. I never contacted my ex's married bf or his wife, due to the fact I wanted out. I didn't want to be with a woman that didn't love me. Here's what you might want to ask yourself. Self...do I want a cheating wife that holds the threat of leaving me over my head if I inform her lovers spouse? Well do you? I'd hope not. I say either way sooner or later she's gonna leave you. Why not have some fun with it. I'd tell just for the fun of doing it. Watching them all go spinning off.
2007-10-12 01:46:17 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 5⤊ 0⤋
Here's the real question: To take her ultimatum or NOT to take her ultimatum?
I mean, who does she think she is giving YOU, the betrayed spouse, an ultimatum????
SHE cheated on you. SHE hurt you. SHE doesn't get to dictate the situation... YOU DO.
So yes, if it will make you happy, tell his wife. You would have wanted someone to tell you, right? And if it will make you happy confront him. Most people would.
And if your wife says she's leaving, then tell her that's okay, because she cheated on you and you deserve better than that. Tell her, "if anything, YOU should spending ample amounts of time making it up to me and hoping that I can forgive you..."
Don't bend and don't give in. If you love your wife and want to be with her and want to forgive her, that's fine. If you think she could change, then okay. But you have got to put yourself up higher than that in the marriage - you deserve to have a voice and whether she realizes it or not right now, the ball's in your court.
So PLAY BALL!
2007-10-12 01:50:11 · answer #9 · answered by shellj_foxy 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
First, collect all financial records, and have your paychecks hitting a totally new bank account in another bank.
Have your mail going to a PO Box so it can't be intercepted. Start hiding assets. Get rid of ANY stuff that she wants... even if you have to sell it to a friend for $1 (for safekeeping) and have them store it for you at a local storage place.
Get the latest DIY divorce guide for your state at the local bookstore... really handy. Start filling out the papers on the included CD-ROM.
THEN you go tell his wife about all this stuff that is going on and watch the fireworks.
2007-10-12 02:03:13 · answer #10 · answered by revsuzanne 7 · 2⤊ 1⤋