for married couples only,is it ok to feel jealous of your spouse having fun without you?

Question

my husband is attending a national conference with his union.. please no jokes about him having an "affair". I feel jealous that he is having a good time with the connections he's building.. I know he is a very charming person and the reason he joined the conference is bec. he's having problems with his employer. I can hear from our conversation that he is very glad that he went and the quality of the people but I feel jealous that he is having so much fun... and that he is "hanging out" with them.. has anybody had this same emotion?

Answer 1

I think it is perfectly normal to feel jealous that you are not included in the thing that makes your husband happy. If you weren't a little jealous, then I'd be worried you didn't really care to spend time with him.

Answer 2

I know this may not be the in theme but no one is any ones everything. I do not even want to be my husbands all, no way. He has to tell jokes that I think are stupid but he has friends that laugh at them, glad to have the coverage. If I had to be my husbands entertainment committee I would lose my mind. Don't take that wrong, I am quite entertaining at the right times for us but no one is always on.

He cannot be your entertainment committee also. Find a social group through work or the gym or whatever it is you do. Even at home moms can find or start groups of other at home moms/parents/dads (not being sexist right now) and from there an at home parent could find people that definitely can relate. Yahoo Answers is social and fun, at least entertaining for a while.

Be happy that he can be happy with having friends on that level, it is important to have the respect of your colleagues. Maybe you could even socialize with him. I don't know on that one, don't want to be nosy either, (lol). But whatever else you are his partner and I would think that you would want him to be happy, social, and respected by his colleagues as you would want that for yourself. Hopefully he wants that back for you.....Good luck....S

Answer 3

Your feelings, whatever they are, are your feelings.... no need to explain or justify them. What you do about your feelings (in other words, your actions) is what really matters...

So, you're feeling alone, lonely and left-out - totally OK to feel so - very understandable.

What are you doing about feeling this way? If this makes you feel insecure, look inside and use this opportunity to make a change you've been wanting to make - join a fun event yourself (do it for YOU and because it is something YOU'd enjoy)... or make some changes to your home, your wardrobe, your appearance, etc. You may decide to have some GFs over for dinner and a movie, go visit and hang with family, check out a museum or art exhibit, play or musical you've been wanting to see, go to the gym or for a long walk, look into joining a scrapbooking club, nature club, running club, cooking class, investment club, book club, etc. In other words do something fun and exciting for you.

This will accomplish a couple of things: keep you busy and entertained so that tricky mind of yours (we all have it!) does not play tricks on you...

you'll have an interesting story ot two to share with hubby upon his return

you will have done something for yourself, so you will be more secure in who you are and, by extension, will be less likely to say or do anything that tells hubby you've been jealous of his opportunity...

Hope this helps!

Answer 4

You are reacting naturally to a common problem but here's the rub, You seem to be jealous of his apparent happiness and the way he seems to you now is different than it was in the beginning of your relationship. Men grow up slower than women do and we have to make attachments where we can to things we feel comfortable with. Your husband probably isnt trying to make you feel uncomfortable, in fact he probably isnt even thinking about how you are feeling, he is a guy after all. Women have things called "emotions" Men have things that "crawl up their butts"..the comparison isnt even fair but it is fact. " your security is important but I dont think he knows you feel insecure about the situation" the best way you can take this problem away is to make some friends just like he has done, give him the benefit of a doubt and just go have some fun too but dont throw it in his face. You might mention to him that you feel this way but if you do, he'll probably just brush it off and not take you serriously so you have to take yourself seriously and do what is right for you. it is healthy for a human being to have friends that are both good and mutual and even bad at times and for differing reasons and it doesnt have to become an issue in your marriage if you'll just bare the brundt of his "taking you for granted" which is what he is doing at the moment but at the same time, he most likely doesnt realize it. men have to be "woke up" in an uncomfortable fashion before we pay attention, try and think of a way ytou can have the same level of "fun" as he is having without him seeing it outright at first, if you take the time to help yourself, he'll wake up one day and say "oh my gosh, I should have paid more attention"........which is so typical of just about any man!............good luck to you and try not to take things personally, maybe go find a counselor to talk to. Strategy is a tool for women to use in thier own behalf. startegy for men is a tool that comes with instructions we never read. do the math.

Answer 5

YES! My hubby is away for a week (this week). He's with 3 other guys - one is his best bud. They are at a work seminar. He's not the going out type - and they aren't really doing anything but hanging out at the hotel and studying for their certification test... but I'm jealous that they get time with him. I want him to be with me, at home. I'm not struggling here without him - am actually enjoying the quiet time, but... it's hard to explain. It's kinda a selfish thing, I think. It will be okay. Sometimes I have a double standard when it comes to things like this...
Just welcome him home and make his day when he gets there.

Answer 6

With age you will out grow this stage within your life. What would your Husbands reaction be to you spending all of your free time talking with male employees? Jealousy is good to a point within a marriage. Anything past that and you might as well set yourself up with a good divorce Lawyer.

Answer 7

Yes, I experienced this too. Back then, every time my husband goes to hang out with his friends or go to the track or do his own thing, I do get jealous because he is having fun while I'm stuck at home taking care of my daughter. Even when i have my daughter at her grandma's house, I end up staying at home by myself and hate it that he is out having fun. So, the only solution to this is to go hang out with your girlfriends and have your own fun too.

Answer 8

It's not unusual or bad for you to feel that way...

I've felt thatsortive emotion, as well... my guy's in the Military and gets to travel and meet people all of the time.

The only solution is to put yourself out there and join a club, or activity that gets you out and having fun, too!

Answer 9

It's human nature to feel jealous or left out. It sounds like his trip was pretty worth while. Start planning how you two will celebrate when he gets home.

Answer 10

you cant let jealousy into your relationship or you will be the one to lose. i love it that my hubby can have fun with his hunting buddys and i have a blast with my gfriends.. everyone needs there little time apart so they can be good together when there home. my hubby use to be an officer in the union and i never was bothered by them doing there work that needs done and enjoying themself.. lol you can bet me and the girls did things.. we bingo or go to a casino or comedy club. so let the string on his neck not get so tight and if he loves you and respects you he wont hang himself. good luck