I was married...it didn't work out! While i was living with my ex I got pregnant from another man! (Yes my ex knows the kid is not his! However when I approached the father of my son (this was 6 years ago) he took one look at my son and said "I have the dominate gene...This kid is not mine" Which is fine... My ex has treated this boy like one of his own. (We have a son together who is 8). However the the other guy of son #2 has a niec that died of a rare canser. Should I have a paternity test to reaffirm my belief so that I can get the right kind of medical history for my son? I am happy with the ways things are with my ex and my 2 boys! But I don't want to put son # 2 at risk for my push-over-ness! Does any one have suggestions on the proper and most polite way to handle this?
2007-10-11 17:56:35 · 15 answers · asked by dragonfly 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
For the record, i know how to spell cancer, I am educated and I am not asking for a moral value lesson. Also, I do not want child support. I am trying to find the most respectful way to get this handled. If you don't have any good suggestions and you plan on judging me - just forget answering the question, because it will not be helpful! Thank you
2007-10-12 17:48:27 · update #1
if the child doesn't know anything about this.. i wouldn't tell him just yet. i would get a court order to get a paternity test done and let them know its for medical reasons and you need to know the medical history of the child's father. i am sure the judge would do that. and once that's done if your not going after him for support or he don't want anything to do with the son that will be his loss.. and your ex is the real hero here and stepping up and loving this boy and taking care of him.. i applaud him. then when the child is old enough he needs to know where he comes from and that his real dad is the one that raised him and they other is just a biological. or sperm donor lol.. good luck
2007-10-11 18:12:20 · answer #1 · answered by Kat 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Funny how passion and stupidity always come back to haunt those who fall for it.....
First of all, try to quit being stupid. Just take your son to his doctor AFTER you and the doc have discussed WHY your son will be visiting him. Have the proper tests done to see if the cancer genes are present - your son does NOT need to know ANYTHING about his "real" Father - he will only hate YOU for that. Since you have not forced the Dad to pay support all these years, do not try now - that could REALLY open doors you don't want to go through.
You are not a "push over" - you just are not very smart. Sorry I cant say that any other way.
2007-10-12 03:51:12 · answer #2 · answered by BikerChick 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
while i'm for a paternity test in general, keep in mind that getting one may not get you access to any medical history if he does not want to divulge it or if it's not his to give (like his family members' records), and it may not get you child support if he signs off on his rights. on the other hand, if paternity is determined, he may want visitation with his son or his parents may want to see their grandson (6 yrs was a long time ago and he may have grown up some by now) - is that something you are willing to accept? if you go thru with it, the younger your boys are, the better they will be able to adjust to any issues that crop up. i don't know what laws are in your area, but going thru the courts and asking to open a case to establish paternity may be one way to go - they would handle the actual serving of papers and such, which would ease your responsibility in talking to him yourself, and he would not be able to deny your right to do so. think it thru well before doing anything, it's a big decision to make. good luck.
2007-10-12 01:18:14 · answer #3 · answered by sleepycatz1972 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You just need to ask the guy for a paternity test. Especially if the child is his. Are you sure it is his? The test will tell. If this disease in in his family and it is his child, your child has the right to know so he/you can watch for it. It is not about an adult now...it is about the child.
2007-10-12 01:13:34 · answer #4 · answered by DENIECE R 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes you need to get a paternity test cause he should be paying child support to and it would be good to know if there are any potential problems.You can never tell for the first year who the baby is going to look like more. if you have to get authorities into this mess you should.good luck
2007-10-12 01:01:47 · answer #5 · answered by foxy lady 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If the kids are being takne care of, you really don't need a paternity test. This other guys needs to work hi won issues out anyway.
2007-10-12 03:16:00 · answer #6 · answered by kttphoenix 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Yes, then you can show the court and get them to pay child support. Raise those kids properly. Then get a ovariohystorectomy! From what I'm told, you'll feel a lot better!
2007-10-12 01:18:42 · answer #7 · answered by nitemareslayer 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The proper way to handle it is to not get knocked up by men you have no serious commitment with that aren't going to stick around when you need them. The DNA test should have been done the first year of the child's life, so child support could be set up for the child. It's spelled "Cancer" not canser. You need to work on your education and get a decent job for all of these kids you keep having by different men.
2007-10-12 01:01:55 · answer #8 · answered by janicajayne 7 · 1⤊ 4⤋
Yes you should get paternity suit so that the father of this child can be paying child support instead of YOU expecting your ex to foot the bill.
2007-10-12 01:03:46 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
Visit centerlink who will be able to assist you by giving agencies that can help you out, then help you get mantenance. This is going to be a painful experince and you will prob need professional help. Good luck.
2007-10-12 01:05:17 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋