Help Me With My Marriage!?

Question

I am currently in the military and I am stationed in South Korea. My wife and I are newly weds so we are still trying to get into the groove of things. It has only been since I have been here that my wife has been acting wierd. For instince if I get caught up in something and I forget to call her she wont talk to me for a couple of days and now just last weekend I forgot to call her because I slept in now she doesnt want to speak to me ever again but I mean yes I love talking to her but I only have so many minutes on my phone and I sometimes just want to be alone. What should I do to make her understand? Because I don't want to lose her she is the love of my life.

Answer 1

1st .. Thank you! No matter Where you are stationed you are one of our True American Heroes . Your efforts are priceless and appreciated..
2nd. Talk to your Chaplin . he can call or put you in touch with the military Chaplin near where she lives and have him got to her and talk to her, he may be able to help her understand all that you are going through. She is most likely scared of many things and this could be a defense mechanism. She herself may not even under stand why she is acting out like this..
A lot of Young army spouses freshly married go through this .. things like anger because they are handling the home front alone play all kinds of hell on their emotions, as do things like worry ,, it can cause irrational thoughts like , " he didn't call so something must be wrong! " Then whey you do call the next irrational thought it " hmm well if you don't care enough to let me know you are all right to hell with you" .
When they calm down , 90% of the time they think about it and realize that they over reacted and all will be good again, till the next time. But it will work itself out generally .
. Yes, you too go through the separation blues , but it is different for the spouse left behind . I am not trying to diminish Your situation at all.. but your military training helps you to deal with it a bit better..
she may have thought she was prepared for you to be stationed away from her .. but no one can now how they will handle the separation till the time comes and some handle it better than others .
Is she on base or close to base? maybe some of the guy's wifes in your unit who have been through this before can befriend her and take her under their wing , and they can help give her some support .. they best of all will understand what she is going through and how to help her make it .
Allot of times new spouses become sort of "jealous" ( for lack of a better term) of the military because it occupies your time and demands your time and gets more of your time than the spouse does. Thats when the little cat and mouse games start.. it's like they are trying to make you choose them over your friends sort of thing (though a very different situation) and they find them selves playing little control games like " if you can't call me then fine i don't want to speak to you again ever" type stuff.
you could maybe send her a basically worded schedule for a week time frame ( not giving anything away you shouldn't of course) , to show her just how much time you have free and how much time you are on duty .. to actually see it on paper may help her to understand your position better, and if you use some of your free time to shower, go to the px for necessities, excetera.. show that to her on the schedule too, so she can see that you have to use some of your free time to take care of you so you can come home to her safely .
include the long waking hours you probably spend not being able to sleep because of what you have to do and that might help her understand just how you could have over slept .. Send her some flowers ( you your self or a trusted friend in the states can do it for you) . BUT most of all tell her over and over how much you love her and can't wait to finally get home to her.. ask her for her patients and understanding. remember to thank her for her love and support and for doing her best to "keep the home fires burning." ...
as for the alone thing... you have to have a few to your self now and then just to get your head straight and keep it straight with the "job" you have ! she gets her alone time i am sure.. being married doesn't mean being up each others bum 24/7 .. she needs to realize that . and being so far apart makes that 1000 times harder to understand.. a missed phone call is not something that should put 2 people who love each other in divorce court.
Hang in there .. even if it doesn't work out for the best between you 2 , then maybe she just doesn't have the right stuff .
Blessings to ya ! hope something in this windy response helps ;)

Answer 2

Sounds like she is not dealing with you being away very well. She also sounds pretty immature. (no offense) I think if she married you, she needs to work a little harder on being a good wife and be supportive, not a baby with an attitude. Hey, she knew you were in the military when she married you, now is not the time to act like it is some big suprise. Start by asking her what her expectations were for marrying a military man. I bet that will give you a big indication on how to handle her just from that question alone. If she expected you to always be right by her side, then why did she marry you knowing you might be stationed somewhere else for an extended period of time.

Answer 3

Your wife probably feels insecure about you being so far away from her and could feel that you might be with another woman over there. You cant afford to forget to call your wife or to want to be alone. At this time all you guys have is the phone , don't deny her that , we women need that. we need to communicate, its almost a must. You guys are the opposite and that's understandable but you have to be accommodating seeing as though your away from her. Try and reach out to your wife and let her know that she's the love of your life and that you'll do better with the phone calls , and that you'll do whatever it takes to keep your marriage together. You both should get web cams and talk over the Internet that could help.
Best of luck to you, Give it your all !

Answer 4

ok first of all, long distance relationships are HARD! second your in the military for gods sake does this woman not realise sometimes you cant call her because your in the middle of being shot at or something?

yes, i understand your newly weds, but she really needs to get a grip, she knew you were in the military when she married you.

personally i think you need to get her sit her down and tell her exactly why you cant always call her on time.

On the other hand she may be guilty because she has the shits because you didnt ring her, then cause she feels bad she wont answer because then she realises she was an asshole to you.

dude talk to your woman, if she still is acting like a child divorce her! maybe she isnt the love of your life, maybe shes just something to look forward to for when you come back?

either that or wait till she rings you?

Answer 5

Your wife probably spent hours sitting by the phone.... I personally put an alarm on my phone so I rember to call my boyfriend when I say I will, because I get caught up at work and cant always remeber. You need to expalin clearly that you are on a mission and cant use your phone as you please when you please. Let her be upset because you dont want repressed anger beleive me.. Maybe you guys should agree on a more convenient time or maybe a time that will be easier for you to remeber like before you go to sleep. This will keep her happy because she will worry less throught ou the day, hell If my husband was away I would sit by the phone too. Assure er from the begining that you may not always be able to call her but you always think of her....

Answer 6

talk to her and let her understand. Ask her why is she acting like that? doesnt she trust you that much? or are you trustworthy enough? assure her that you really love her. And if there is other ways that you can communicate to her other than calling her then do it. Really, I think your wife needs assurance from you. Maybe she is still doubtful or sad to say it might be the other way around. Been there done that. I am a woman too. Good luck. Make your wife understand that relationship is a give and take. It takes two to tango. God bless

Answer 7

what should you do if you know not calling her is making her that upset then call her! stop making excuses about the minutes on your phone pay for more what is cheaper a divorce and heartache and regret or doing what you have to do now to show the love of your life you care. Love can't just be told to somebody you have to act like it it's an action ! Godbless you! if i was married to you and you said you were worried a bout your phone minutes i would be dissappointed to actually this is something i have been through and am in the middle of divorce now.

Answer 8

Having spent 16 years in the USAF, its not just women who behave this way, men do as well. I have been through this one I cant tell you how many times. About all you can do is to recognize that she is alone and scared for you (yes I was in Korea..Osan in fact) and needs your reassurance. However you do need to speak with her honestly and tell her what your needs are and work together to come up with a plan where both your needs get met. And yes you will both have to give up some to make it work, she will need to be less needy and more adult and you will have to get up sometimes when you are dog *** tired and call her and give up some of your alone time to keep the love of your life feeling safe and nurtured. Fail to do this and you will continue going through this and end up in divorce court. If your time and work schedule don't permit a long enough conversation to get this done then you may need to contact your chaplain and speak to him about arranging for more time or at worst work it out via email. But it does need to be worked out. Also you might encourage her to find more outside interests and to contact family services at the base nearest her. They can arrange for dependent mental heath care to help her cope with the issues she is experiencing.

Answer 9

Wow. that's hard. Sounds like she is having a hard time dealing with you being gone. She sits at home thinking about what your doing when you don't call her. She has a lot of time to think about it, which just upsets her even more. You just have to talk to her and explain how things are. Tell her that you can't call her every second that you have free. Hopefully things will work out for you. Best of luck.

Answer 10

Speaking as a girl who absolutely HATES to be separated from her man for any period of time whatsoever, all will be forgiven once she has you in her arms again. I don't know how long you're going to be gone, but just assure her that you love her and that you miss her.

Everything will be fine when you get back. She will hug you and tell you that she loves you. Basically she's overcome with emotion because she misses you so much. She doesn't know how to express it (without crying constantly) so it ends up being expressed as anger towards you. Everything will be fine once you see her again.

Answer 11

Try to call her more, how can you say that some times you want to be alone and you two are married.
If you wanted to be alone why did you get married.
You claim you like talking to her prove it to her.

You just got married , if you want to stay married you get on that phone, even if you know she is sleeping call and if you can't get her the answering machine picks up, leave a message. Just let her know that your thinking about her and you love her before you lose her.