* When to give up on your marriage! advice please *?

Question

I been married for about 2 years and it's been a struggle to stay married. My husband takes everything to his heart and keep everything in his mind that didn't go well between us. It has been piling up in his mind and now he's gets extremely mad over any little thing. He says very hurtful things that I didn't used to take seriously. I thought he doesn't mean it and he is just mad at the moment. He used to show me he loves me and care so much. But things has been changing and at a point where we don't even talk to each other much. We pretend everything is okay. Recently I sent an concern email and got a response that "we are done" "i dont love" and don't know what to do at this time.

Other stuff he wrote: "see only dark things in our future.
i realized it too late that we are not compatible and can never be.
what we want/wanted in life is/was different. our goals are different. so different that even when we tried to change each other , that wasnt enough . finally here we are frustrate

frustrated thinking that i did so much for him, i did so much for her but all waste."

I don't know what to do; he is still here for me and I am still here for him. Our sex life has been over long time ago. I know for a fact that he is not cheating either. He comes home straight from work and we spend weekends together. He is always around me. He make plans to go to Vegas and even India to visit his family for a month; together. It's hard for me to believe if that's how he really feel and if he did, why is he still with me, why make these future plans. Why do a lot stuff as normal. I think he is confused and I am willing to anything to make our marriage better and last. But he tells me over and over he is serious about what he says and he does not love me any longer. But his words doesn't match with his actions. I am confused, don't know what to do. Sometimes I just want to give up and other times what to keep trying. Gosh it's so hard to be happy with his man but i love him to death!

Sincerely,

Sad Lil Indian

Thank you all for your great suggestions. I appreciate your input. I had proposed the idea of going for marriage counseling but he refused to go and says he doesn't need it. I am thinking about going by my self since my work provide free 5-6 sessions. I am very emotional person and damn it I just can't take it when he says these horrible things. I cry and cry my lungs out. He feels bad therefore he doesn't discuss what's going on in his mind. We were both 26 when we got married. We would be normal and all of sudden it would come up to divorce. He is negative persona and very hard on him self. But very caring at the same time. He had some goals in life that he didn't accomplish on time and he feels he's a failure. He is 28 years old with double masters and good paying job, a nice house in the bay area and a great wife but he doesn't realize any. He feels he's a failure because he made the wrong decision to marry a wrong person and other things he couldn't do it on time. I have mentor h

I have mentor him over and over that we are very lucky and blessed to have everything we have but he doesn't see the world with my eyes. I am bit moody but easy going, I get over things in minutes. If he gets mad he will stay mad for at least a week and if I am mad; the most I stay mad be an hour. I feel that he takes everything for granted. But it's not easily to convince him for everything. He is always right and the boss. My my oh God help me.

I have been trying every thing possible to make things better. He doesn't like my family and that is one of the biggest issue between us. Things happened between him and my family; a long story. Therefore he has decided not to do anything with then. He indirectly wants to cut everything with my family as well but I made a clear that I will not leave my folks for no reason. My family has always been there for me. Someone suggested if I try to romance him; well tried everything. Only thing he is interested in bed is oral sex and wants it every day, without giving anything in return. Sometimes I would say no and he wouldn't talk to me for a week. He said he wants it everyday or doesn;t want it at all. Just recently he decided that he doesn't want it anymore since I said no to him. He said our "sex life is over". Of course I am thinking he can't be serious. Before we were having sex once a week. I tried to romance him few times but he doesn;t even let me touch him. He is too mad or heck mi

He is too mad or heck might be serious. He has big ego issues. But I am stupid in love and can't imagine my life without him. We have mad all these plans and can't image it be just over like that.

Answer 1

Everyone deserves to be happy, with or without him. Read the writing on the wall and find somebody else you can be happy with. There is a reason Divorce is available..........########

Answer 2

It's okay to love some one when your no longer in a relationship with! it sounds to me you both know it is over and it probably has been for a while. I am truly sorry to say that. The most important thing is our personal happiness.You don't look at this man and think " I am so happy, He makes me feel great about my self" Does he look at you and say this? Doesn't sound like it. I have recently read a few articles talking about how men require sex 4 times a week for their own health issues. If your not having sex at all. maybe this is the biggest part of the problem. Can you some how romance him and let one thing lead to another?
If this is out of the question ask your self this - do you really want you or him spending the rest of your life with some one who doesn't make you feel happy? Maybe the answer is if you love him let him go. It seems to me you already know all of this and you need some support in the decision you've already made. It'll hurt at first but don't you deserve to be with some one you look at and think " I am the luckiest girl in the world".
I wish you well in your decision. Remember your a great person you should always feel/know that. Find happiness.

Answer 3

Sometimes, letting go seems like the easiest thing to do. But think about this: you've invested so much of your time and energy into another person; you've made a solemn promise; and you still know there's love, even if it's hiding underneath the surface. This website will show you how to save a marriage and avoid divorce, even if you're the only one trying https://tr.im/VtHvK

Answer 4

One -- you've only been married a couple years and your sex life is over already? You should still be in your "honeymoon phase" --- I'm serious here. That is not healthy at all for your marriage.
Have you asked him about counseling?
You don't state your age but I'm going to give this a real good guess --- did you marry too young? Early 20s is young and there are years you grow in your 20s -- just because a person is legal to marry, doesn't make them know what they're getting into.......I truly believe there should be a law that requires people to go to classes and answer serious questions of each other and themselves prior to getting married.

Answer 5

Marriage is about happiness ( most of the time) and not misery. if you are unhappy most of the time and he does not want to try counseling get OUT before kids are in the picture. It has to be a TWO way effort to get it better and from what I have read ( don't know his prospective) you seem to be putting more effort.

Also family stuff only has complicated the situation. One thing I know is Indian people are sometimes too tied up family and focus too much on family then pleasing each other. Try to leave family out of it and resolve it with each other.

Good luck

Answer 6

It is odd that at such an early phase of your marriage that your sex life is over. You need to try to repair that. I also find it strange that you two communicate through emails. It sounds like marriage counseling would be good for you two. It will help you learn to communicate with each other.
He says he doesn't love you but he is still there and still committed to you as evident by the fact that he continues to be faithful even though you two are not having sex.
Actually did he say he doesn't love you or that you don't love? If he is saying that you don't love he may be trying to tell you that he doesn't feel loved. If he feels like you two don't share the same goals then you need to talk to him and find out what his goals are and share your goals with him. Find some common ground and work from there. Try to view your marriage as a partnership. You are two people working together for a common goal.
A successful marriage is hard work. You both have to be willing to work at it.

Answer 7

Well, this is really sad, isn't it. Does your religion or family require you to stay married. Living under these conditions isn't right. You have to have a sit down with him and tell him that you believe he has given you a clear indication that the marriage is over. Ask him what happens next to move toward divorce. Talk about property, money assets, etc. Check out the divorce laws that cover where you live. Too bad. I wish you the best. We don't go into marriage with this kind of thing in mind, obviously. Kind of set aside what he did for you and what you did for him, because that is irrelevant. Don't point fingers. Try to move forward with a positive attitude.

Answer 8

do not hold on to any relationship that is not working. ask if he wants a divorce. 2 years may seem like a long time but really it's not. think if it were more. try to make it work as best u can. u were not meant to be unhappy that is not destiny. pray about it and ask god to help u move on. When your miserable it causes other issues. Don't stay because u do not think u can find someone else. they key to happiness is in the phrase " love, peace, and happiness." Write down some pros and cons. If u do not have all three u need to evaluate where u are going because it will only get worse. resentment is a *****.

Answer 9

The first 5 years of marriage are always hard. Even if you've been togethet 4-ever, once you get married, it changes alot of things mentally. It shouldn't, but it does. Maybe you guys are young and still growing. Alot of the times people grow apart instead of growing together. That's the main thing, you need to grow together, but still have your own lives you can call your own. Maybe you guys are together too much. Your best bet is to get marriage counseling. Check with both of your insurances, many times your insurance covers it. You may just have to pay a co-payment evertime you go. Avoid the group counseling, try getting someone one on one time with a therapist that will meet you both. If he refuses to go, then go by yourself and talk to the therapist.

Answer 10

I have been married for 15 years. You cant make someone love you, but it sounds like you need some marriage counseling. Marriage is like a roller coaster and you have to hang in there but you both have to be willing to try hard. Counselling will help get things in order and progress past the bad. Many places offer it at low or no cost, just call around. Dont forget your vows.

Answer 11

Two years is not enough time. You 2 haven't even worked at it or been through really tough times together. You just don't trust each other enough and you have no communication skills. Go to marriage counseling and learn the skill of being a married couple.