2007-10-11 15:29:25 · 19 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
uh, yeah
There's love and then there's enabling. Enabling isn't love. We don't have a lot of words for love in English, but love is many, many things. It is speaking the difficult truths and teaching the painful lessons. If he doesn't ever learn that he needs to work to live, he'll be a bum his whole life. It can be painful watching your loved ones struggle, but sheltering them from the consequences of their own decisions isn't loving them.
Give him a time frame that if he isn't paying a whole lot of rent, that he's out the door. Give him at least a month or two to get a job and save for a downpayment on an apartment. But don't stretch it. If you give him two months and he doesn't get a job (McDonald's is a job, but most people say it is beneath them) kick him out on day 61.
2007-10-11 15:32:36 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Is he depressed or overly anxious? This could prevent him from doing well in college or working. Being your son, he may not want to talk to you about these things. It depends on what kind of parent you were. If you discouraged expression of emotion (ever say to him men don't cry or get upset at him for being unhappy??) or pressured him to suceed too much and fit a perfect image of 'son', it's probably easier for him to act this way than to tell you straight up, "Dad, I have these issues." In fact, asking him might just lead him to deny it.
Ask him to speak with a doctor privately. Pay for the appointment and then talk with your son.
If there are no psychological issues (and you won't be able to tell yourself, so an evaluation is needed), then sure, kick him out.
2007-10-11 22:39:55 · answer #2 · answered by some female 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This sounds like addiction to marijuana which kills motivation. Take your son for a surprise drug screen. If he won't cooperate, then kick him out (with a week's notice). If he fails the drug screen, then insist that he gets treatment or gets out. I'm assuming that you have given him ultimatums before. If not, help him make a plan and give him a chance to stick to it. If he doesn't, then kick him out. By allowing him to stay at home, you are only enabling him!
2007-10-11 22:36:19 · answer #3 · answered by lambchops5151 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
if he was my son, i guess i would of asked him why he quit college. as for kicking him out, i wouldnt be able to kick my son out. did he live with you for the last three years? this is my opinion, i would tell him that he needs to either get a job or start helping around the house. if fact one of my boys said after he graduates high school, he might move in with me. i told him in a nice, but firm voice that he would either have to get a job or baby sit his little brothers for me. have your son do chores at home if he doesnt want to work. i would never be able to kick my kids out.
2007-10-11 22:43:29 · answer #4 · answered by markieshoney 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Was there a reason he left college? Is he sick? Is there an obvious reason he's not working? If he's healthy, give him an ultimatum, if he doesn't get a job in a week. out he goes. Have him visit an employment center -- there are lots of jobs out there for all types of skills. He needs to contribute towards household expenses.
2007-10-11 22:38:22 · answer #5 · answered by Alyse 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You should give him an ultimatum, either stay at home and pay rent to you for staying there, and pay for some of the food. Otherwise if he isnt willing to do any of this.. Tell him he has to find a different place to live. Give him a date also by when this has to be in affect, otherwise he may take forever in finding a job. Its called, " Tough Love." Good Luck.
2007-10-11 22:35:38 · answer #6 · answered by countrymomv4 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Make a deal, he must get a job bagging groceries or something and make him get him training at a diesel mechanics school or turbine blade welding. College could have bored him to death. If he will not do that, then you must have a MD check him out for depression. If he won't train, work and the doc says he is just lazy, kick him out.
2007-10-11 22:38:56 · answer #7 · answered by julio_slsc 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Generally speaking, I would say yes. There's no reason you should support him if he's not being productive. However, I'm not completely sure whether your son has any circumstances that might change that answer, like if he has any medical or psychological problems.
(In fact, if he left college and hasn't gotten a job in three years, I'd say an evaluation for a psychological problem is in order.)
2007-10-11 22:33:06 · answer #8 · answered by drshorty 7 · 2⤊ 1⤋
wells it sounds like ur son needs some help he needs to start working you should of never allow him to stay at ur home for sooooo long without doing anything tell him he needs to start working or he's going to have to go out of ur home, kids sometimes need a hand but it looks like he wants to be taking care by you and him become a lowlife
2007-10-11 22:40:45 · answer #9 · answered by hey 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
find out if he's sick or just lazy . Bring it to him gently , start by saying - did you see the price of g roceries lately could you contribute a little bit of money every week ? if he gets grumpy ask him to move on he needs to learn about life
2007-10-11 22:59:30 · answer #10 · answered by Shark 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋