My true love life.
My True Love is like honey in a bottle that will always be sealed and kept in a deep part of my heart.
The honey is her love.
In my soul is her love that is and will forever be apart of me.
When she sheds her tears of sorrow, I feel like I am living in the rain. Tears are like rain drops falling on a coludy day.
It is only I who can make her feel comfort in her dreadful days.
And it is the lively deepth with in me that she doth fail to see. Our love is a relationship which may one day fail to be.
And that is why she cries knowing one day we must die.
Our love will stay the same let I die. My true love will stop to follow along by my side.
It is for this, I try to savor life and between you and I, that life is her.
Walking towards the end that slowly does emerge.
My cries are not the lies, of my true love but our my own. Only knowing I will die alone. And this is why I hide my true love deep inside, my souls cring home.
2007-10-11 14:48:12 · 5 answers · asked by Anonymous in Arts & Humanities ➔ Poetry
nice love poem but these lines need some improvement:
"In my soul is her love that is and will forever be apart of me"
(a part?)
Why soul becomes souls here?
"this is why I hide my true love deep inside, my souls cring home"
keep on
2007-10-11 17:07:22 · answer #1 · answered by ari-pup 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is a long way from being a good poem. First, there are some confusing metaphors. For example, love is like honey in a bottle that you keep in your heart. I have no idea what that means. Is your heart supposed to be the bottle? Or is the bottle in your heart? Or what?
Second, poetry has form. Yours is a mess.
Third, it's very disconnected. If your love is like honey, how does that lead to her tears being like rain? I don't get the connection. One line should flow to the next.
I think your first step should be to read more poetry.
2007-10-11 17:23:13 · answer #2 · answered by Ronnie 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
starts off out greater valuable than it finishes. I advise redoing the poem beginning with line 5. the 1st 4 strains have been very good, good sufficient for me to maintain interpreting even nonetheless I wasn't interior the temper, yet you butchered something in a terrible way. extraordinarily the final line. average the message replaced into sparkling, to a minimum of me. it extremely is not depressing or suicidal or something like that. 7 out of 10
2016-11-08 01:31:03 · answer #3 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
it just reads like an essay
make it poetic
read many poems . then you know the secret of poetry
2007-10-11 22:36:17 · answer #4 · answered by R Purushotham Rao 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
good... but make it rhyme
2007-10-11 15:03:04 · answer #5 · answered by Sgt Lee 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋