Husband and I have been married for 2 years, I have kids he does not. He really never has anything nice to say to the kids, he calles them stupid and retarted all the time.....HE does not ever talk to me, treats me more like a buddy instead of a wife. When I get home from work he gets on the phone and talks to various people like his friends and/or parents. I feel like I am not getting what I need from this relationship, I am not happy and I am sure he is not happy.......do not recomend talking, he dosen't talk to me at all....we have not had a talk since we have been married.
2007-10-11 14:36:21 · 20 answers · asked by sad_lonley_wife 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
LEAVE THE JERK
2007-10-11 16:27:02 · answer #1 · answered by will_955 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Love and communication are the keys to successful marriage. With kids, work, and house, you must be very busy and feel frustrated when you don't have a supportive husband. You need to talk to each other. May I boldly suggest to have a date just the two of you, quiet dinner will be the best. Get to talk while waiting for food. Ask him nicely why is he behaving the way he is now. Is there anything bothering him and if you can help. Listen when he talks and don't jump into conclusion or interrupt to defend yourself. When he's done, then express your thoughts in a calm manner. If the first dinner has only enough time for him to share his thoughts, fix a second date or third, and more... to slowly bring back the communication. Marriage is a journey and it takes 2. My suggestion is not the only way to improve or at least I hope it helps. I know you said not to recommend talking. But I don't know how else. Perhaps I'll write again when I have some other constructive suggestions.
2007-10-11 22:08:09 · answer #2 · answered by mylittlepony 1 · 0⤊ 2⤋
Yes, you should leave, but make sure you and the children have enough money that you can support your selves. If you can move in with your parents for a short time that will be good until you can get a divorce from him.
Why didn't you not get married to this guy when you knew he didn't like your children and how he was talking to them before.
Some times emotions can get in the way of logical thinking but its OK, you will be better off and can show your children what true love is about. it is very unhealthy for you and the children, so the best thing to do is leave.
2007-10-11 22:01:17 · answer #3 · answered by kim w 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Remember 4 items -
1) Listening
2) Reasoning
3) Understanding
4) Negotiating
You could try the long-lost art of speaking with your husband concerning your thoughts and feelings.
Choose a time when both of you have absolutely nothing to do. (can't give excuses, then)
Remember that you might need to give up some of your time for this to happen.
Also, choose an atmosphere which is conducive for discussion, such as a "neutral" room of the house, or perhaps (if the weather is nice), sitting on a blanket in the back yard.
Above all, the atmosphere must be relaxing and no interference, such as TV, other people, music, noisy locations, etc.
The simple trick of communicating is CALMLY (and I mean calmly) discussing with your husband your thoughts, dreams, and hopes. Other subjects could also be included.
Remember the word calmly. It does no good if one raises their voice and tries to control the conversation.
Another trick is listening to his side of the conversation. Don't you dominate the conversation and keep your ears open.
Remember, you asked him for hisvtime, so give him your full attention.
Most conversation ends abruptly because of non-listening.
An item of importance; if your husband says something you don't agree with, don't belittle him; instead,
Negotiate and ask what would be agreeable to him.
(This tends to work wonders - it makes people stop to think, sometimes helping them realize they just might be unreasonable. But keep in mind - they might do this to you, so have some reasonable answers ready.)
Keep the communications open and two-way.
You'll find that listening, reasoning, understanding, and negotiating are very effective ways of communicating and eventually everybody gets what everybody wants.
2007-10-11 21:47:49 · answer #4 · answered by Living In Korea 7 · 0⤊ 3⤋
What was he like before marriage? I wouldn't let anyone mistreat my kids. I assume he knows your unhappy. If he won't talk, then I guess you cannot work on the marriage. If he won't talk to you, isn't nice to your kids, and doesn't really interact with you--do you really have a marriage? Some people stay together for financial reasons, but you have to decide what you want.
2007-10-11 21:55:03 · answer #5 · answered by Nicole 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
if he is nothing worth staying for, he's such a chump, why should you not leave? He's not even good for the kids.
You can always say that you are on your way out, see how he reacts, see if he is willing and able to break his mold and once again be the one you fell in love with.
If that doesn't work, yes, you should definitely leave and move on...
2007-10-11 21:48:53 · answer #6 · answered by De-Activated Bad Profile 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
take the kids and if you can do so leave the waste of space. If you can't leave the home, then apply for an injunction - his mental cruelty to those kids is a valid reason on its own. Good luck.
2007-10-11 21:47:09 · answer #7 · answered by ? 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Since you can't talk the only other thing to do is leave him not only for your sake but for the sake of the kids. children learn from adults and you do not want your children to learn from him.
You will be happy again but it will not be with him. Good Luck to you!
2007-10-11 21:44:50 · answer #8 · answered by Al B 7 · 2⤊ 1⤋
divorce him at least for your kids. That is really bad if he is treating you and your kids like dirt. If you stay you will be wasting your life and you will soon regret it. Make a good choice im sure you will. Good Luck!
2007-10-11 21:42:46 · answer #9 · answered by Threedaysgraceemolover 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
then what is the point to you guys being together...why did you get married to begin with? was he nice to teh kids before the marriage...how long were you together before the marriage??? i dont think that is a healthy environment for you or your kids....get out and get out before it gets worse....good luck...dont put your kids thru hell especially if your not even happy...they should come first in health love and safety..
2007-10-11 21:42:26 · answer #10 · answered by Me 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
I suggest counceling first and if that goes no where and then you for sure see that this relationship and marriage is over than yes walk out. but as soon as you seem him calling ur children names put a stop to it right away! dont let him do it at all.
2007-10-11 21:43:06 · answer #11 · answered by Siroonig 5 · 1⤊ 2⤋