Why am I bothered by this?

Question

I have an online friend who is going through something similar in his life that I am in mine. We're both going through separation from our spouses. We've never met, and we don't ever intend to, so why am I bothered that he's jumping into a relationship right away since he's left his wife?
This is not sitting well with me at all.

I was separated before I met him.
Never thought of it as an emotional affair....hmmmm, could be something to that

I really never felt like getting together with him, in that way

Answer 1

You identify with him....and you know you're not ready to be in a relationship yet.

Maybe you feel like he's moving too soon and is making a mistake.

I think you may be right about that.

Answer 2

I think it troubles you a lot because even though you knew you would probably never meet him, you liked the thought that you were the "only one". I think that even though you were pretty much remaining really good friends across the miles, there was still a part of you that liked the fantasy of you and him together and now that fantasy doesn't seem as real. Is that possible? I mean, there is such a strong emotional attachment to others when you are vulnerable and you may feel you are losing that a bit...that now you have competition. Someone else to listen to him about the very things you listened to him about. In an odd sort of way, you may feel like he is almost "cheating on you".

Maybe you need to rethink meeting up with him?? Maybe someday when your divorces are final, you can meet up with him and see how things go. Until then, I guess all you can do is be a good supportive friend and congratulate him on his new relationship...sounds awful doesn't it? That really is the most mature way to handle it in my opinion. However, I guess it wouldn't hurt to let him know over the internet how you are feeling. Who knows..he may feel the same way? Wonder if he would feel a little jealous if you were to go out with someone? It's something to think about.

Good luck to you and I hope this helps. So sorry to hear about the separation.

Answer 3

I don't get this thing whole "emotional affair thing" You say you never met, never intend to so why be bothered that he's jumping into a relationship right away since he's left his wife? Who cares? Find another Internet friend to have an "emotional affair with" if that's what your looking for. Sorry if I sound harsh, but I'm just confused about the whole importance on the "emotional affair thing" It's nice to get to know someone on-line but for me to really connect with someone I would have to meet them. I'm a visual person who needs the whole deal to fully feel I'm in a relationship. Using the Internet on a site like this for me I look at it as a fun and easy uninhibited way to share thoughts and ideas. With no strings attached. My take is If someone is truly interested in me then they'll will find a way to seek me out using the proper channels.

Answer 4

Well...maybe you see him as your only support at this point (which would be foolish) and you see his relationship as taking away from your time with him. Which in a sense is jealousy.

Or you're jealous because this isn't just some online friend.....it's possible you're having an emotional affair and not recognizing it for what it is. Might explain why you're getting divorced...(?)

can't think of any other reason

Answer 5

1st up , he isnt jumping , what he failed to tell you was that he is still living with his wife and child and not because he couldnt bring himself to leave them because of financial or how it would effect his child emotionally but because its easier to still get free room and board and sex off the wife because she doesnt know what he's been lying about on line.

2ndly the new relationship isnt new , he's been feeding off it for some time and he's either met the woman and already done the deed a few time's or he's just ready to go use her until the wife finds out.

3rdly he was biding his time waiting for you to make your move you didnt so he tired of waiting .

And yes it was an emotional affair.

Answer 6

Sounds like you have more feelings for this online friend then he has for you.....you both are having an emotional affair being that you are still legally married....you are not liking the fact that he is getting involved with someone else..because you want that someone else to be you...

Answer 7

Everyone is entitled to their own life. It bothers you because you have morals. You are taking the road less traveled and trying to work things out. I believe that by doing this you will understand what happened and learn by this experience of your life. Separations are not easy. The fear of the unknown always follows you. Journaling is a good outlet to pipe your thoughts. Good luck.

Answer 8

You were hoping for you and him to get together and he wasn't thinking about you as you were thinking about him.

You feel upset but well get over it, he maybe more hurt then you know because he's jumping in to another realtionship so fast, he could be feeling like he doesn't want to be alone, so he needs someone near anyone, and right now its this new girl friend.

Answer 9

i think the reason ur so bothered by him jumping into a relationship is because of two either things

1) you are jealous that he can move on quicker than you or envious that he is moving on and you just cannot.
OR
2) you are interested in him simply because you2 have things in common. or you are emotionally tied to him. like u2 share the same sympathy together.

either way hunny dont worry too much about guys on the internet. you can do so much better than guys on the internet.

Answer 10

Because this hurts your ego. It makes you questions why he has found someone while you have not. That's ok, these feelings are natural. Just remember to keep them in perspective and always be honest with yourself.

Good luck.