confused virgin?

Question

Hi all. This isn't the right category but I felt I could get better answers from people here rather than in 'singles and dating'.

I'm 21, been with my boyfriend for 1.5 years, and I'm hesitant to have sex.

I have a dad that cheats on my mum regularly. It's disgusting, and I see my mum suffer a lot from it. I really wish my relationship doesn't become like my parents. And so I equate not having sex as being safe from that.

Has anyone been in the same situation? Will I ever let go? Should I let my bf go and explore what I dare not?

Answer 1

I think you should wait till you are married (or at least engaged) If he really loves you he will wait and he has waited for a year and a half so, he must love you! are their plans to get married?
Just b/c your dad is a cheater does not mean he will be. Im sorry your having such a hard time with this, you need to make that decision based on YOU and not your parents relationship, I wish you the best

Answer 2

First of all just because your father is a cheater does not mean all men are cheaters. I kind of understand you because when I was younger I did the same thing.

My father was an alcoholic so I stayed away from any man that even had a drink. I had two failed marriages and on my third I finally met the right man for me. Even at this stage of the game the fact that he had a beer after work while watching TV got me very nervous. I had married before because both did not drink at all even socially. But I was wrong, a person can have a beer and it does not mean they are alcholics. You can have sex with your boyfriend and it does not mean you or even him will turninto a cheater. Relax and let the relationship grow

Answer 3

Not having sex with your boyfriend is no guarantee that he will not cheat on you. He is not your father. Not all men are like that. Your mother should not have tolerated it. Most people are like children. They will do what they can get away with. Don't miss out on your own life because of someone else's mistakes. There is always the possibility that you will be hurt in relationships regardless if you have sex or not. I think that you should know your boyfriend well enough by now to know if he is a cheater or not. Take a chance. Good luck.

Answer 4

I think that your excuse is a little grave but you are a good girl and believe me to find a 21 year old virgin to day is hard to find you should be proud. Now about doing "IT" with this boy friend. The person to who you give your virginity to, should be the true love of your life.... Has she mentioned that he would like to be with you forever? Marriage has it appeared in any conversation? Does he have a good education? Does he have a job? How about your parents and his parents do they care? If all this is yes then you can think of giving it up. This should be such a special time... Like on a honey moon.... But if not just remember the first time will be very difficult for the both of you and you as a virgin he has to be very very gentle..... You will probably bleed a little but that is from your Hyman breaking. Good luck Grant M in Pennsylvania

Answer 5

Its understandable that you don't want your relationship ending up like that. But isn't the more important part the emotional abuse inflicted on your mom by your dad? It's the cheating that's causing the problem but if there weren't feelings involved it wouldn't matter. The issue of trust is what is in question here and you can be afraid that you'll end up like your parents even if you aren't having sex. The important thing is to trust your boyfriend emotionally and you won't end up that way. Sleeping with him wouldn't make him cheating on you any harder on you emotionally. Good luck!

Answer 6

i'm very sorry on your undesirable reviews. Your question is neither stupid nor embarrassing. No-you may truly outline virginity. i think of that's extra of a private matter than the rest. i don't think of that a woman can in basic terms be stated as a "virgin" till a penis enters her vagina. might this advise that lesbian ladies are virgin for all their life, whether they have had multiple companions and multiple reviews? I powerful doubt it. i think of you may not concentration on the question "am I nonetheless a virgin?". you may basically ignore all this virginity crap. It basically makes you sense undesirable. females and girls have been oppressed for an prolonged time as a results of fact of all this blabbering approximately virginity. stay your life. Have your person reviews (those you had weren't yours, when you consider which you probably did not choose them), stay your person life. If it nonetheless issues you to not know in case you had intercourse regardless of each thing, i will inform you my opinion: you probably did not have intercourse. real, you had some sexual reviews, yet definitely not intercourse. intercourse is that spectacular element you do with somebody you opt for for. there's no intercourse without appreciate. Rape and intercourse can't be in comparison. sure, they have in undemanding the reality that genitals and bodies are in contact, yet rape is the utter violation of what's sacred, it relatively is the guy as someone.

Answer 7

You had better deal with this issue before getting involved with anyone. This could create real problems after marriage, if it continues. Often taking the opposite tack, in a situation, can have just as bad results as the original fear. Better to find some safe middle ground.

Answer 8

Stick to your guns. In other words, do not do anything that you do not want to, and are not ready to do.

Next, do not make the mistake of thinking that just because your mom or dad did something that you will make the same mistake. If you learn how to learn from other people's mistakes, you will be blessed with wisdom.

Just make sure you are able to be completely honest with yourself about your intentions and your needs. The easiest person in the world for you to fool is yourself.

Good luck.

Answer 9

You are not your mom and dad. You will never have a written guarantee that your boyfriend wont cheat on you.
You cannot live your life in fear and be guided by all those preconceived notions.
I do think that you should be married first. That way you will be confident and will be able to relax more knowing that leaving you and going on to someone else would be a bit more difficult for him.
Get married to him if you are sure he is 'the one'.

Answer 10

I really think you should talk to a professional about your issues regarding relationships, otherwise its going to make you make bad choices for the rest of your life. Its really up to you when your ready to have sex, as everyone is differant and if your not comfortable with it, then don't. You may loose your bf or he might be willing to wait for you.