Help with co-workers?

Question

I have been at my job for nearly a year now. There are only four other people beside me, and we enjoyed a fairly close working relationship. However, that all changed about 2 weeks ago. Out of the blue I had two completely unrelated arguments with two different people...one of them my supervisor. Both arguments were non-work related, they were personal and I felt like attacks on me.

The one I really do not care about so much because he was a jerk but the one with my supervisor stings. I do not feel like I trust her anymore. She and I were pretty close, at least so I thought, and she said something pretty nasty that really hurt.

I am pretty young and still learning how to deal with people in the work force. By nature, once I trust somebody I am a friendly, open person. I feel like that backfired on me in this instance.

Do you have any advice on how I can make things better with my co-workers? I am trying to distance myself emotionally, but it is difficult.

Answer 1

I also fell into a similar trap into my office, we're a little bigger, but our IT "team" is a little 4 man group. My supervisor was always having a party at his place, our office conversations were rarely about work, and I too followed the same "open book" philosophy. And then it all blew up.

At first I tried to repair the damage, and realized that I didn't feel the same after this had happened. I still had very negative feelings and felt very hurt by the whole thing.

I finally had to accept it was a learning moment in life. The lesson I took from it was this.

Life is about priorities and boundaries. The priorities need to run in order of Self, Family/Loved ones, Friends, Work, Obligations, and Other. Boundaries are the lines in the sand that you need to create for yourself and for others, and that you need to communicate. After a lot of work, and a few more "battles" I finally feel that I have both learned from the situation, grown from the situation, and made the best of it.

The battles were results of establishing boundaries where none had existed. In my case communicating to others that my personal life outside of work was not a discussion topic, that my thoughts and feelings were not something that should be dismissed, and that while I do not require a lot of respect, that I do require some were my major boundaries.

But once you have those established, it won't be the same as before, no matter what you do it won't be the same. But it will be less dramatic, less stressful, and you will have a better sense of self and of your role in the workplace.

Answer 2

Identify someone appropriate.

“When I was in human resources I had a lot of confidential information, so it was no surprise that I became friends with the executive assistant for the CEO, who also had a lot of confidential information,” says Heather Mundell, career coach and author of the blog Dream Big.

2. Be open.

On the Internet, where ranting is de rigueur, it would seem that half of all workers are surrounded by idiots. This way of thinking will not find you friends. “We like to think we can size someone up in ten seconds. But often our opinions of people change over time,” says Mundell.

3. Make time for face-to-face contact.

“If someone stops by your cube and says do you have few minutes? It’s nice if you do. Be a good listener,” says Mundell. “Over time, problem solving together and venting will lead to building trust. You should stop by peoples’ cubes and shoot the breeze, too.”

4. Choose your surroundings carefully.

Find an office that encourages friendships — the structure of workspaces, the quality of common areas, the size of the well-stocked fridge – all these factors can contribute to making an office full of friendships. Rath found that you are three times more likely to have a close-knit workgroup if the physical environment makes it easy to socialize.

5. Find coworkers with shared vision and values.

This situation is probably most common at a nonprofit like Project: Think Different: “Everyone is linked together based on a passion for what we’re doing,” says, Raipal. “We all have a strong desire to change messages in pop culture.”

6. Shift your focus away from yourself.

“People spend so much time trying to manage themselves,” says Rath. Formal education focuses on mastery of topic areas, and graduate school allows you to focus on your own interests. But “when it comes to improving our lives,” writes Rath, “it’s the energy between two people that makes a difference.”

This is going to be a big change for most people. Most workers do not make friends at work. But without a best friend at work, the chances of being engaged in your job are slim. So maybe you should put aside advice about finding the perfect job by searching want ads for your calling. Instead, look for a job and an office that facilitate relationships; friendship is your calling.

Answer 3

i used to work at a place where all the people were friendly with me. It wasn't a high paying job, but it was a lot of money for my area. I got laid off one day and you will be surprised how quickly people will turn on you. These people have their own families, nice houses, and cars, and they are at the company to make money to support their lifestyle, they aren't there to make friends. Even though they seem pleasant they will stab you in the back over a raise.

Answer 4

It will be difficult to recover in such a small environment. The best thing to do would be to apologize to your supervisor. That shows you are trying to do the right thing. Then moving forward, restrict what you discuss with co-workers.

Answer 5

it wont be easy but i would ask your supervisor if you could talk with her in private. and then discuss what she said. you have the right to know why she said it . and maybe you can figure out what happened. then decide if you want to stay there or move on . it is important to clear the air first so you can forget about it.

Answer 6

sometimes there is no way to do that cause these are people you'll see everyday. Try to keep your personal life personal. It is usually the best way.

Answer 7

i recommend leaving the personal emotions at home. work is work. never mix business with friends.