I dont want to be a controlling b*tch..will i be able to trust my husband again?

Question

my husband and i were seperated for a year..he said he didnt love me anymore and that he was talking to a girl from his work. they never slept together...she wouldnt. well we've reconciled two months ago. last week i found out he was still talking/texting her. He is very sorry and says he will have no further contact with her because he loves me and our family. (we have 2 small kids) he came back because he realized we were meant for each other, he was miserable without me, and he wanted to be a family. he has vowed never contact her again. so i want to believe him but i can't trust him. to make things worse he recently got a myspace and now he's been in contact through myspace with some old gf, (his first) i know she is married and i doubt anything would ever happen but, you never know. i cant seem to trust him and i am constantly checking his cell & computer whenever i can. he tells me he loves me all the time, we're more of a couple now more then ever. i want to trust him, help!

he quit his job so he wont be seeing her again. he did this because he knew it would be a problem. he says she contacted him and that they are just friends. i really believe him and that he loves me and wants to be with me for the rest of our lives. before all madness i was never like this, i hate feeling like this. like i cant trust him like i have to keep a watch on him. i dont want him to go anywhere without me...help!!

we have talked about it. i have asked him straight out what does he get from this girl that he cant get from me. he has no answer. he's agreed to do the marriage counseling. will it help us?
i know they never slept with eachother, he's told me so and i believe him. i admitted to him that i slept with someone else..he was real hurt my that but hey. i do want to make it work...

Answer 1

You marriage can't be helped, no sense in me posting anything long and detailed.

Given everything you posted, it's time for you to cut your losses and make a new life for yourself.

Let go and move on.

Answer 2

Let me see if i have this right,you slept with someone and told him(which by the way was the biggest mistake you could have made) and because you told him you think he would do the same and tell you. If he did not sleep with her only because she said no then that means he would have slept with her. Doesn't that bother you because if my husband was mean enough to tell me that was the only reason he did not sleep with her it would break my heart into a million pieces. It's always so evident to everyone but the wife when the husband is playing around.Sure he might not be cheating now but he sure wants something from other women,something he isn't getting at home. I'm not putting the blame on you all though you do play a part in all this. Your husband has all the answers he just isn't man enough to tell you like most men aren't. Your marriage is in a lot of trouble and needs a lot of work to get it right if at all. Your husband isn't ready to tell you the truth and why should he when he knows you will believe what ever he tells you. When a lie will suffice why tell the truth,don't you know that's a mans motto. I have a question for you, you and your husband separated for 1 year, plus he said he no longer loved you so why in this world would you believe that he never cheated on you with that girl. He is a man after all and we all know what men say about needing sex,if you didn't give it to him he was getting it from some where. If you yourself had sex then you can bet your life he did too even if he didn't know about you and what you did. It's time to open your eyes.

Answer 3

Trusting your husband is your choice. If you won't trust him, it is useless to go on with the relationship. Better let go of it now. If you trust him, trust him fully but don't over do it. Check his activities once in a while and confront him for issues you discover at the time you actually saw it(but try to avoid scandal in public). Talk to him what you saw, what you hear, and give him an ultimatum that if ever you see anything that would cause you to distrust him, it will all be over. Tell him if he wants you to give him another chance, make the most out of it for there would be no third chance. Straight to the point, tell him you are not just somebody else he can throw & pick up anytime he wants. Past is past. Think of the present. Also, do a self-check. There might be things in you lacking that he is looking for in others. Do a little caressing for your partner so he won't look for attention from others. Conscience will be your best alliance. His conscience will bother him if you have been doing all the best for him and he still doesn't appreciate it. Use a reverse psychology if you want. Marriage counselling will help. Second chance is a last chance. Goodluck.

Answer 4

You aren't being unreasonable in your feelings. Even if your husband didn't sleep with her, just knowing that he had lunch with her, text her, and had a thing for her, and lied about it, sure sounds like cheating to me. I don't believe you have to have sex with someone to cheat on your husband or wife. If you stay with him, he will have to prove he can be trusted, and that will take a good amount of time. And that will all depend on how he acts. If he knows he made a mistake and doesn't want to lose you, he should be genuinely remorseful about what he did and should be acting in a way to show you that he loves you and won't do it again. However, if he lightly passes it off, thinks you are overreacting, is still acting in ways that make you feel he is not trustworthy or still lies, then I would not trust him. It is too bad, when a man/woman breaks a trust in a marriage, they do not realize just how much damage and hurt it causes the other person.

Answer 5

Hi
I think you need to have a talk with him and ask him what he would want to do to build your relationship together.
unfaithfulness can be physical, emotional, financial, pornographic, and so on. Let him come up with some ideas that will help you trust him all the more

And you can also make sure you respect him and tell him daily what a great husband and father he is. keep it real

To him I say, Your wife needs to be shown, and told everyday that you love her. Love always costs us something. Are you willing to show her, and your Children that you can be or are a man of character?

Close all the my space account info (both of you) decide between you that you will find the fulfillment you look for in each other..

The life of your children, grand children depend of you both

Make this work, because you can

Answer 6

this is not going to win me any THUMBS UP but .....quit kidding yourself! TRUST HAS TO BE EARNED! Your guy is NOT trustworthy. I dont know him so I have no idea why he came back but it sounds as if you are kidding yourself into thinking he is a trustworthy person. For all you know, he might have been afraid of the child support enforcement agency taking all of his paycheck. Furthermore, you dont know if he had sex with that woman or not (bill clinton) and if he didn't wouldn't it have been nicer if the reason was because HE DIDN't want to not because SHE SAID NO! Pretty much, if she would have been with it, he would have done it. The next woman might not be so selfish with her vagina. THEN WHAT? SEX or not, he is being emotionally unfaithful to you. Texting other women (saying he will stop when he gets CAUGHT) doesn't sound like a good person to put your trust in. If you want to try to make it work, fine but dont kid yourself into thinking he has changed. YOUR inner self is telling you what you need to do! LISTEN TO IT

Answer 7

First off, being a suspicious, controling, nosey, critical woman isn't going to make him want to stay home and cuddle. But let him know that he is officially on notice. That you don't have time nor the energy to check his emails, his cell phone, etc etc, but that if he is TRULY serious about being a family and a good husband, then he'll knock off all the online accounts and correspondance with old flames. You're not entirely innocent here either though. Clearly there is a reason why he is seeking affection and understanding outside the marriage. Why can't YOU be that person? If you guys are going to make a fresh start, then make a fresh start. ERASE the past. But again, I would put him on notice. Let him know that any more nonsense, and all bets are off. Once he has this through his thick skull, slowly take off your top, drop to your kneeds, unzip his pants, and make him forget about any ex girlfriend he's ever had in his life! Think I'm kidding? TRY IT!

Answer 8

we're all human, we all make mistakes, it takes a big mistake to realize the consequences of it, naturally humans only learn from mistakes, that's why teenagers never listen because they want to do everything by themselves, but they mature as they learn, so he's learned from this experience, trust me, he prolly does love you, alot, and it took him just that much to realize how much he needs you (take it from experience). If you guys are meant to be then you are, maybe he's just a big flirt, I know I'm like that, and it's bad. but it's the truth, you just have to know, that he loves you, but let him know, look, you did this to me, oyu can't do it again, because if you really loved me, you wouldnt DARE breaking my heart twice. cause I wouldn't do that to you. Other than that be chill cause jealousy RUINS a relationship, and soemtimes it makes a person want that person even more, when it sounds like theyu dont care, think about it.good luck,

Answer 9

every time you tell him to stop talking to her he finds a way to go behind your back and do it. I feel its gonna get worse from there, he's fishing for a reason to cheat. But ask your self is your relationship worth you getting youre feelings hurt. its not guaranteed that he will cheat or that he is cheating. Dont make any harsh descions. And stop asking him not to talk to whoever because he cant be honest with you about that. THe only way to gain resolve about this is just to watch and see what he does.

Answer 10

He came back because he felt guilty about getting caught and because his 1st option didn't work out. His indiscretion will continue. He got away with it this time, so he figures he is likely to next time. Just as long as he has a bs story. Love doesn't come and go, it is eternal. He says what he has to, at the time.

Answer 11

Don't be a dumb@@@ get out while you still have some dignity. He is a lier- I've seen it before and he's full of crap!!! Take my advice and find someone else. I doubt he didn't sleep with her because she wouldn't- I'm sure that's what he told you. Believe me he'll tell you what you want to hear to keep you around. Don't let him walk all over you ; you and your kids deserve better.