Money problem with my husband, what should I do?

Question

My husband pays the majority of the bills because he is in the military and brings in the most money...Car bills, rent, etc are set up on allotments before he gets paid, so he has less than $100 after everything comes out. I pay the little things like groceries, electric bill, etc.My problem is when my husband and i go out to the store after i get paid, he will want something and convice me about how much i like it (then i typically end up buying it.), or another example he will grab candy off the shelf as we are walking by and he will say "Mine" like a child just looking at me holding it close to his chest. I really hate this situation, my husband is 27 yrs old. He does this to me always after i get paid, because he has nonthing left after all the bills are taken out of his check....what is he doing and how can i get this to stop? Please help, i want to feel like a wife not a mother...

I don't like the childish behaviors, how can I stop the childish behaviors and him acting like he's 2 yrs old?

Answer 1

After all is said and done how much discretionary cash is there with your combined incomes?

Split that.

The infantile behavior would have to stop, better yet if I never had to see it.....

Just tell him he can act like that with his friends, but when he's with you he needs to use full sentences. ie:

"Hon, I'm gonna throw this in, too, ok?" (candy)

As far as larger items go, make note of his desire, go home and budget for it, say $10 a week until you have saved enough to buy said item. Do not bring anything home that the two of you have not previously budgeted for and discussed.

He is inappropriately expressing his dependence on you for "luxury" items. Split your discretionary cash, and budget for larger items. Remove some of the dependency and teach him how to save and budget.

Best of luck, dear...
And God bless you and yours.

Answer 2

You are still independent because you are allowed to spend your money the way that you want to. That being said though did YOU not help HIM while he was a student? Did you not make sure that he had a roof over his head because you were in the military? Medical? Access to the base/post? All things that YOU provided for him. So now HE is able to do the same thing for you and it is hard but you do have to allow it to happen. It doesn't mean that you do have to go out and spend all his money, but you do need to give a little on what you are doing, come to a compromise. There is nothing wrong with getting your nails/hair done every 6 weeks instead of every month; buying clothes but they are on sale not full price; go out for meals when you can but not as often; and the list continues. Don't spend your money on groceries and bills but how about spending on it on something else that you enjoy doing like taking a class? Doing volunteer work? There are options out there. You might want to speak to a counselor about this for yourself as an individual but also as a couple because obviously he has some problems with you not doing it.

Answer 3

He is working hard, and most of the bills are being paid with his pay. You say that he has less than $100 left after all the bills are paid! You are upset that he wants to buy something at the store, or wants a candy bar? Do you expect him to buy things that he wants with the great big paycheck that he gets? (sarcasm intended!!!)

Assuming he gets paid twice a month, he has less than $200 per month that he can spend on anything! This is less than $50 per week, or about $7.50 a day. He has expenses in life. Even if he wants to buy a cup of coffee, he has to worry about the cost.

I would also assume that you expect presents from him on your birthday, anniversary, and Christmas! He has to pay for these out of that money too!!

If you want to feel like a wife, rather than a mother, quit trying to control him. If he wants a candy bar (which may be a real treat to him seeing as he walks around with no money, let him buy it! You are working, but the money you make is not just for you! It is for the both of you. When he has to convince you to spend "your" money on something he wants, you are treating him like a child!

How about trying this. Take the total amount of money that you have left after paying the few bills you pay, and the total amount that he has left! Add them together and split the funds evenly (you may want to agree to put a percentage into savings before you divide the balance) This way he will have the money to buy what he wants, without having to beg!

Thanks to your husband for his service to the country!
Thanks to you for the sacrifices you make as a military wife!

Answer 4

Wait a minute, you say he pays majority of the bills with his check right? You both work. So you buy groceries, pay the electric bill etc....This has nothing to do with money problems here. This has to do with being greedy! You are both married to each other. You both are suppose to "SHARE" the things you have....like money too. What is his, should be yours too. What is yours, should be his too. I think you are the one being selfish and greedy. He is out there doing his duty for OUR country, bringing some income to you and his family so he can make you and his family are HAPPY and SECURED.

He deserves a candy off the shelf, he deserves to act with some kind of humor when he comes home. Because he cannot do that in the military.

What you want is to keep your check to yourself and not share it with him like a lovely wife should do. That is not being married at all. That is being selfish and greedy. He is your husband for crying out loud! So, act like his wife and pamper him for going out there being in the military, all because he wants to fight for us American's Freedom! I do not treat my husband like that. We share everything and we give everything to each other.

What if it was the other way around, you think he would do that to you too??? I don't think you are even wanting to feel like a wife with the way you are behaving. Plus, where is your sense of humor?? He is only asking for a piece of candy with a sense of humor.

I would consider you reading "The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands" and "The Proper Care and Feeding of Marriage."

Answer 5

Bad organization.

You are now married, so now the best thing to do is to combine incomes into one account and then use the money together to pay for everything.

This is how my wife and I do it and it has worked out perfectly fine.

Set budgets. You should know how much is the usual stuff like water, power, phone, etc. Make an Excel sheet and put each expense there. Add up, make sure you give each of them a little more so in case anything is more expensive one month, you guys have money to cover for it.

After you add up, see how much is left. Lets say $300. Well, make it fair, you both work for your family, so you both deserve equal amounts. Brake it into $150 each and now each of you have your own personal money.

This is how we do it, and we can do whatever the hell we want with that money. Save it, spend it, burn it, doesn’t matter, is personal money for each of us and is our only “reward” each month.

I make more than my wife, but I actually agreed with her to get less money for me, and instead we put some extra away to pay for annual passes for Disney and Universal in Orlando. And we enjoy going there every other month or so.

Just talk to him, and try to come up with a solution like that. If you both are adults that can think like adults, then he should agree and so would you. Don’t forget, later on, when you have kids, you both are gonna have to do what I said no matter what cause your kids will be first in line for expenses.

Good luck.

Answer 6

You are being a little selfish dont you think? The man is paying alomst ALL the bills out of his check. You are still in the mindset that your money is your money and his money is his money. If you want to play by those rules then you should be splitting EVERY bill right down the middle. He would then have more of his check left now wouldnt he? When you are married the money is joint. Stop the yours and mine game before it backfires on you.

Answer 7

He makes most of the money, pays most of the bills and you think it's wrong that he wants candy or something he likes from the grocery store??? He shouldn't have to talk you into something he wants. Just tell him he can have whatever he wants so he doesn't have to act like that.

Answer 8

I don't think a bag of candy is too much to ask for a man who
1)has a job
2)pays the bills
3)goes shopping with you

He doesn't sound like such a bad guy!! In fact, he sounds great!

Buy him the candy!

Answer 9

If you work, or have some source of indpendent
(of his) income, you could offer to pay some of
the smaller bills, such as telephone, internet,
cable,,.

And thus, Take a little pressure off him, and maybe he'll come around.

I'd also sit down with him, and tell him as much,
that behaviour although it might have been funny
a long time ago, is long past it's " best before date."
(pun int.)

Be polite, candid, honest and reasoned.
It never hurts to tell someone you love them, either.

Good luck.

LuvUall, Ba-bye

Answer 10

One suggestion I would make is stop looking at everything as being "yours" and "his". When you're married - no matter whose paycheck it comes out of, it becomes "ours". Change your mindset. How about setting up a joint account from which all the household bills are paid - including groceries? Work out a budget and stick to it. Whatever is left over, you can squirrel away into savings, or spend on extra things. For as long as you continue dividing it into "his" and "yours", the problem will persist. You both need to grow up and take a joint responsibility for all household spending.