Father was so abusive should I forgive him now tht he has passed away?

Answer 1

If he's gone he can't hurt you anymore so sure forgive him.You'll be a better person for it-You may heal far beyond belief-

Answer 2

Yes you should forgive him. Place two chairs in the middle of a room facing each other. Sit on one of them and imagine he is sitting on the other.

Start off by "telling him" some of his postive aspects which no doubt there would still have been. What he meant to your mother and stuff he did around the house which helped the family. May be talk about some "good family experiences" or some "good lessons" he taught you. Then thank him for that.

Then tell him about some "not so good experiences".
Tell him you don't understand why those happen. If you had done anything to provoke these things - apologize. And then add that you believe that if he was sitting here today and could feel your pain for some of the "bad things " he did - that he would feel sorry now and apologize to you.
Once again thank him for being your dad and tell him that as of now you are going to forgive him for the negative things.
Then actively over a period of time concentrate on some of the good things he did around your home - even small things. Each day (for some time) write about one thing (e.g. caring for you when u were sick etc) and stick it up on a wall/area you will see frequently during the day. Spend some time thinking about it.
Slowly you will start to concentrate more on other aspects of his character than those negative ones. In life we often see people in one dimension - especially if we have had a bad experience with them. But people are made up of many aspects.
I wish you well. I think forgiving him will actually help you alot in your future and in your relationships with others.

Answer 3

i was sexually abuse when little, i know it's probably not the same but i learned that, you think you didn't forgive him but all the time is that you can't forgive yourself for letting the person doing that stuff to you. In another way, my mom was kinda abusive a lil...i mean hit me with a shower brush or with her hand, sometimes with a wooden stick (or something like that) only because we were not sleeping when we went to bed...
anyway, i feel so unconfortable with my mom, and i look at her with hate or i am so mad, i guess that you don't have to forgive if you don't want to, it is really hard to do, and for that i never knew how to do it! Forgive my mom for what? hitting me for nothing? only because my dad would be mad if we didn't sleep? is this a good reason to hit your child? i think there is no GOOD reason to hit or hurt a child! that's my opinion and if you want to forgive it would help with your life, but some people say that you don't have to! it's up to you, and if you find a way to do it, please tell me! it's my opinion!

Answer 4

For me, it wasn't my father,but my mother was abusive toward myself and all my siblings. I forgave her along time ago when I turned 21 and went back to her house to ask some advise. It wasn't what I came there to do, but when i thought about all the bad times walking up the walkway to her front door, i knew i needed closure to move on, so when she poured me some coffee and we began to talk about things, i told her i forgave her..kin of out of the blue...which caught her off guard.But I also told her i still love her and she would always be my mom. I could forgive but never forget,because it was a good lesson for myself what never to do to my kids. I made a promise to myself never to put my kids through that hell.Violence is never an answer for anything in a family.
So yes, forgive,if its really in your heart to do so, but never forget.Its one of life's lessons.You can forgive the wrong, and that only enforces the true understanding in your mind between what is right and what is wrong.Never forget.Even though you may think he doesn't deserve it,pray for him,if there is any love in you left for him.Just something to consider.
I think after you have done this, you can move on, and live happy that you have done the best you could have done,and in the end,isn't that is what anyone can truly ask of us?

Answer 5

it truly is a difficult difficulty. you are able to likely purely bypass to work out your father some times and then reduce your self to searching after your mom. She is the reason you're going, there is not any favor to pretend any in a special way. Your father has burnt his bridges and could't truly assume a reconciliation...he truly don't have any top to. i imagine your brother will be harder. He would attempt to administration you into doing belongings you do not favor to do. possibly a thanks to take back administration is to be civil yet evade getting into discussions with him. purely say immediately up that he can do what he needs and also you may do what you want. Then end the talk. If he tries to proceed, do not answer, purely leave the room. i think very a lot of sympathy for you. no individual merits to struggle through by using what you've, yet your skill could nicely be a source of skill for others on your spouse and children. sturdy success.

Answer 6

I had a hard child hood myself with three different father roles who were all abusive in their own way.My mom was married three times. Forgiveness is not for them it is for you. if you hold anger in towards them it will come out in the relationships you build in the future.YOU will always be reminded of what they did to you and just get more and more depressed.You have to let go in order to live a full and happy life.Otherwise they will still have power over you even if they are not around anymore.I hope I helped

Answer 7

You're carring a really big bag of rocks around!! Life would be much simpler if you threw them away!! You were abused, yuo couldn't help that! But, long you carry it in your heart is really up to YOU!! Forgive him, he can never hurt you again if you do, if you don't the hurt will carry on into other parts of your life where it dosen't belong!!

Answer 8

its a little late for him to know that you are considering it. i don't know how abusive or in what way, but if it makes you feel better to forgive him, or gives you some sort of closure then do it.
i never have forgiven my parent for the horrid abuse suffered at her hands, and i never will. it doesn't bother me not to forgive her, in fact it would bother me greatly by saying 'aw forget it, no worries.'
it would feel like i was saying all the years of abuse i went through, of nightmares i had, of her blaming me for her life, years of both physical and emotional therapy were no big deal and that i was wrong to harbor any resentment or ill feelings.
i will not give her the peace that forgiveness would allow her to have - but thats just me.
i don't dwell on it, i don't use it as an excuse for anything, i don't care anymore about what happened, i'm not angry or hurt by the memories, it doesn't worry me in any way, but i will not forgive or forget.
so you have to look deep inside yourself and decide why you are forgiving him and if it will bring you peace.
good luck sweetie, its a rough road we follow, but it gets easier as time passes.

Answer 9

I think you should watch this movie, Tuesdays with Morie(idk the spelling of Morie/moree,sorry), it is a wonderful movie based on real life. Deals with forgiveness of people and I think that some parts of it could really help you.

Answer 10

u should forgive him in order to move on with ur life. and even if he still was alive u still should of forgave him. he will always be ur dad and blood no matter what. it may sound ridiculous but he probably was abusive because of his past. just forgive him and move on.