How can I do something I have to do when the woman I love is against it?

Question

I'm a recently seperated veteran (left the service last December). I got a job as a software engineer with a web startup right after leaving the service, but recent situations have made me uneasy about my job security. Most jobs similar to what I've got require either 5+ years of experience, or a college degree. My GI bill would pay for a lot of the degree, but...
My fiancee thinks that it's a huge mistake. Every time I bring it up, or do anything toward working on this goal, she tears up. She tells me I can't handle working and going to school at the same time. I'm not rich, and know that working and going to school is the only way school is going to happen at all. I don't have a driver's license, and neither does she, but when I so much as work on getting one, it sends her into tears. She won't explain her reasoning, and cries and "shuts down" when I try to talk to her openly about it.
If i really have to do this on my own, I will, but it hurts a /lot/ that she won't even talk to me

Answer 1

Maybe she is afraid of loosing you? But it sounds more like she is having feelings of inadequacy. The more you succeed at something, the worse it makes her feel, and nothing to do with you, but her own insecurities in herself.

When she said that you can't handle work and school at the same time, it sounds like she's talking about herself in that "she" couldn't, yet wishes that she could? Does she have any goals of her own?

You seem to have your priorities right and it's wonderful you have a goal your trying to work towards. Maybe your fiance needs to work on some goals too?

I hope you can sit down with her again and ask about her feelings. Assumptions can ruin a relationship, so I hope she can dig deep to find some answers.

Good luck to both of you.

Answer 2

I wonder if she feels threatened that you are trying to better yourself. Maybe she feels you'll end up being "too good" for her if you improve your own situation. Perhaps she feels you'd encounter smarter, more interesting people (including other women) at school.

It's too bad she can't open up and talk to you about it... I can't think of any other reason a person wouldn't want to support their partner's ambitions and life goals.

Plenty of people work while they go to school. Sure, it's tough, and it often takes longer than just going to school, but it can be done. And in the long run it will help you succeed. Why wouldn't she support that?

I think you have to keep trying to talk to her. Let her know you love her and you really want her support. Tell her you want to understand what upsets her so much about the idea. In the end, you have to be firm if this is truly what you need to do. Tell her you are up for the challenge, you are going to do this and you hope she'll honor your decision to achieve your dreams.

Best wishes to you!

Answer 3

i think your fiancee has some security issues amongst others. if that's not the case then she is very slfish. i personally think that she should be grateful to have a man who actually wants to have a career(legitimate) and make sure that she and possible additions are financially secure. maybe she's jealous. i mean did she go to college or trade school? i wouldn't spend another moment with someone trying to hold me back. look at it this way if you lose her you gain a meaningful career with good money and benefits. and the future mrs. you whoever she is will be grateful for having a man with such determination to provide for the future. good luck!!!!

Answer 4

I guess I don't understand the question. Would it involve you going back? Why can't either of you get a driver's license?